Is it possible that Jesus was Gay?

While relaxing and soaking up the rays in the Miami sun, I had much time to keep my brain from stimulation, except when taking my long walks, when usually new topics would percolate, and be a sorce of stimulation and interest to me.

As you can see from the post below, I had an opportunity to spend some time with my relatives in Miami who are very religious Jews. We were talking about various subjects, and reading as well. I began to think about Jesus. As many of you know, I do not view Jesus as the son of God, but more like a prophet or Rabbi of his time. This subject has been exhausted in past posts, and many have responded with stimulating discussion and conversation.

We know that Jesus was an Orthodox Jew. In fact, it may be argued that his brand of Judaism, at the time, was in the form of what we may consider as conservative or reform Judaism today, that is to say, he was trying to present something outside the traditional fold and realm of Jewish law. We know that he was in his thirties, when he died, lived with his mother, and according to most accounts (there are exceptions) was unmarried. Most male Jews of that time were married by the time they reached their early twenties. We also know that Jesus was a tolerant and loving person.

Here is the question of the day: Is it possible that Jesus was gay or homosexual? Is there any historical evidence to support or deny this premise? I ask this question with the utmost respect and dignity towards everyone. Actually, his being homosexual may, in my mind, explain why he turned away from Orthodox Judaism and also give some credence to his own unique brand of love and tolerance. What do you think?

Thank you for your minds.

The Moschiach(The Messiah): Who is He/She?

Arriving in late this evening, and unable to sleep, I thought resuming blogging with two new procative subjects would be just the right dosage of cerebral medicine after a long flight and subsequent wait.

One day, while in Miami, we had the chance to stay with my cousin and his family who are Orthodox Jews. The topic of the Mosciach (sp) came up during conversation. According to Jewish law, the Moschiach, or Messiah will one day come to earth and bring or surface as a result of peace. From my understanding, the Moschiach is a person, and will not be a son of God, as for the Jews there can only be one God.

Please excuse the spelling errors, but considering the late hour, and the Hebrew transliteration, I may be making some errors, and I apologize.

Here are the questions of the day: Is it necessary for all Jews to unite for the Moschiach to arrive? When Jews are opposing, criticising, displacing or thrashing each other, does this operate as a hinderance to the arrival of the Moshiach? Is it possible for the Moshiach to be a woman and if not why not? From what I have been reading over the past few days, women, actually, in many ways are the backbone and strength of the Jewsih people, so I ask this question with much interest.

Thank you for your minds.

Tagged by Normal Jew

Normal Jew wants me to list my top ten turn ons and turn offs:

Turn ons:
(1) Intelligent conversation
(2) Judaism and beautiful judaica all over my house
(3) People who read literature
(4) Classical music
(5) Erotica, visual and sensual as well as the written word
(6) People who love dogs
(7) People who live inside the realm of their senses
(8) Walking a mile or more each day
(9) People who are tolerant or accepting of others
(10) Fragrances

Turn offs:
(1) Mean people
(2) People who put down others because they are different from them, or intolerant people
(3) Bad drivers (by the way, I love the way Israelis and people from Manhattan drive)
(4) Narrow-mindedness
(5) People who do not appreciate and take care of their bodies no matter how they look
(6) Messy cars (my husband has one)
(7) Negative people
(8) Evangelicals
(9) George Bush
(10) People who are mean to animals

Now the rules, ( You need to put these in your post)1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."2)I will respond by asking you five questions ( not the same as above)3)You will update your blog/site with the answeres to the questions.4) You will include ths explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5) When others comment asking to be interviewd you will ask them five questions

Miami Vices and Spices

Tomorrow, late evening, we leave Miami. What a relaxing time and space for my husband and I to have as we have been here. We have literally spent every day on the beach, soaking in the sun, and, as old habits may be difficult to break, I continue to get up at 5:30 AM and have spent at least an hour walking on the shores, exploring the ocean, clean smells, and beauty of the tranquil ocean.
We have visited family and tonight, we are spending Shabbath with our cousins, who are very frum, as you would say. In fact, I am making my own Challah in a few minutes for this evening.

As we are winding up our trip in Miami, I am, of course, thinking about so many different events and happenings during the month of July. Although there has been much pain and suffering during this month, there have also been many blessings for which I am greateful. I feel happy to have been able to spend time with my cousins and get to know my second cousin as well. Family is a true blessing.

I also have gone shopping! Feeling like a child in a toy store, we found the most amazing store selling beautiful Judaica, and I came away with some new, modern glass candle holders, and jewerly as well. And we will not forget the bronzed tan from the penetrating Miami sun.

When I return, I will continue with provocative subjects, as usual. Already, I have one in mind, sure to stir up much drama, stimulation and controversary.

Be well, happy and at peace.

Thank you for your minds.

Greetings From Miami

Just a short note to say hello to everyone from Miami. We are having a good visit with my cousin, and other family members. Actually, thankfully, life is starting to come together after coming apart. I am at my cousin's home now, for a third visit with her in Miami, and am so thankful that I am able to see her, and be with her during this difficult time. She is a true source of strength and inspiration to me.

Acts of loving kindness, and good deeds started the moment we came to our hotel and were told that there was a 45 minute wait for the room. Strangely, when I went to the ladies room, I looked into a room off to the side and a Shabbath service was being held. Thankfully, I was able to put on a skirt, a sweater, and sit in the back in time to say Kaddish for my father, just in time. To me, this act was a geat gift, and a turn towards the positive aspects of life as well.
Saurkarut, you say, sometimes bad things come in sevens, which can be true, but sometimes, when we see the cup as half full and not empty, the joys and beauty of life around us, as it is, can be seen with a new pair of glasses.

Thank you all for your kind, positive and loving words of support. When I return, I will continue with some provocative topics of conversation, as before. In fact, some new topics have been percolating as I sit on the beach, resting, and of course, thinking.

Blessings to all.

Thank you for your minds.

Endings the week of July 14th through July 22th.

This has been an extremely difficult week for our family. It began last Thursday, with the sudden death of my father, as many of you know. Since that date, I can honestly say that just about everything in our lives has gone downhill from work related issues, to long term friendships, family relationships, to questions of health and family values. Be that as it may, I am truly powerless of all of these aspects of life, and it folds, blossoms and looms in its own time, not necessarily mine. But must it all happen at once?

We were faced with challenges involving family, and long term friends, relationships that seemed to have cracked, and in other instances dissolved under pressure. As you may know from my blogging comments, I do have some boundaries, and certain types of conduct and words are just plainly unacceptable no matter what. To insult my child with harsh words regarding her mental state, and to tell me, by my friend's twenty year old daughter to "f*** off", where the line is drawn, long term friendship or not. What matters is how my daughter is feeling and taking these issues more than the friendship which has been affected over these issues. And to tell you the truth, I question the nature of a friendship such as this by a mother who lets her daughter talk to an adult in this fashion, standing by and listening all along. Not a healthy situation.

Sometimes it is said that with every ending, there is a new beginning. I am not sure that this is completely true. Sometimes things just end, period. That is a fact of life that we must accept, just as we must accept that life unfolds as it is supposed to and not as we would like it to be.

As many of you know, I will be gone for a week to visit my cousin in Miami who has pancreatic cancer, and is declining in health. Something else I must accept. The best I can do is to go, be there for her, and be the best of all possible cousins. Everything else is out of my control.

God, could you just have not made my plate so full this week? It has become so very, very heavy. Being so weighted down is beggining to take a tremendous toll.

Thank you for your minds.

Axes of Evil

After reading an interesting post on the blog of my new friend, http://israelrules.blogspot.com/, I noticed that she has a particular interest in serial killers. I will confess to be a lover of crime dramas, such as Law and Order, forensic Files, and some episodes of Court T.V., and even C.S.I., because I am completely intrigued by how crime and murders are solved. This is television, however, and the killer usually caught, and justice is served. (only on the big screen, no?)

I started thinking about some of the most evil people who are who have existed through history. To my mind comes the names of Hitler, Eichman, Stalin, Edi Amin, Po Pod, the Empailer, Trujillo (from the Dominican Republic) and Ben Laden. All people who were inspired by a deep seated desire to murder innocent people for no reason at all, and with great intensity in numbers as well.

For me, Hitler was the world's most evil man, as he was responsible for the extermination of 6 million Jews, and countless others including homosexuals, gypsy's and those with mental illness. His hatred for the Jews and his desire to eliminate them was beyond any kind of horrible act that should never be experienced by humankind ever again.

Here is the question of the day: Who do you think the most evil man or woman was in history and why? If you could get rid of this person, how would you do it? By a fair trial, shooting on sight, torture, or some other identified method?

Thank you for your minds.

Blogging: What has it Done to you and for Your Life?

Mention was made that this would be my last post for ten days, but as I sit here thinking, I relalize that part of what I have experienced and learned from the blogging world must be shared in this forum. Right now, everyone in my house is sleeping, I am alone, and expect to be that way most of the day, so sharing thoughts would be something good for me to do right now.

When I first started to blog (I do suppose it can be used as a verb), it seemed as if the major purpose was for me to write each and every day. Even though my blog has been interactive, it started out being about me sharing my thoughts on many topics of interest. Instead, it has developed into something else: like moving into a multi-faced neighborhood. You have all become my neighbors, so to speak, and offering me a part of yourselves in so many different ways. Some have been good neighbors, and others not so good to the worse of all possible ones. Nevertheless, most of you have brightened my life and broadened my horizons in more ways then can imagine.

For example, I do not live in a Jewish neighborhood. In fact, there are maybe 6 Jewish families here where I live. I do not expect many shiva calls at my front door, but so many on my blog have made them to me, reaching out your hands, with your words of comfort and support during this period of grieving. I thank you with all my heart.

Others have stimulated my mind, with your knowledge with everything from Torah, politics, to spiritual principles of gratitude, the military, gay life and its meaning to you, fragrances, art, disfunctional families, serenity, sailing, Harry Potter, abortion, women's rights and issues, left-handness, and on and on. Blogging has given me great comfort, and allowed me to grow, and for this, I am truly grateful.

I have even received gifts, added bonuses: a total stranger, offering to say Kaddish for 11 months for my father, and a wonderful book on Jewish law.

Here is the question of the day: What has blogging done for you since you started? Has it created any new interests in your life, and if so, in what? Has it made you less interested in anything in particular?

Thank you for your minds.

Tagged to Answer questions by Normal Jew and Nech77a

My dear new blog friend, Normal Jew, has tagged me to answer the following questions:

) At what age did you decide you would be a lawyer? why?

My grandmother and I used to watch Perry Mason together all the time on her small black and white television. I remember, when I was 8 years old, I thought this was a great idea. I then read a biography about Clarence Darrow at the same age, and knew I wanted to be a lawyer. I wanted to change the world, and be able to affect people's life. But law was not my first area of interest. I have a B.A. and M.A. and was working on a Ph.D. in anthropology before I went to law school.

2) If you were a "perfume fragrance" what fragrance would you be?

Definitely Frederic Malle's Musc Ravegeur. This scent is very unique and makes an intense statement. It is quite sensual, and its fumes speak power, self-confidence, and a flare for drama and adventure.
Either women love this scent, or do not, and some strangely do not feel comfortable wearing it. I love it.
3) If you could spend a year in a foreign country, where would it be? Why?
This one is easy. I would live in Israel to be with the Jewish people. In fact, we have been talking about moving to Israel once our children are married and settled. I would love to give back, and help build and make a contriubution to the land of my people. I also just found out, that if you are a citizen of Israel, you can be buried there, free, I believe, and the custom is to put you in a shroud and just bury you, no coffin, inside the earth. A beautiful custom.

4)If you discovered a new flower, what name would you give it?

A cross between a night blooming jasmine and a white datura. I think I would name it Senturata.

5) Do you secretly admire anyone? who?

A secret to some, but not others. I love the composer Sergei Rachmaninoff. His music has spoken to me, touched my heart and soul for more than 30 years. I think he is a composer who speaks from his heart, no holds barred.

If you want me to interview you, please let me know.

Since time is an issue this week, I will have to limit the interviews to 3 please.

Now the rules, ( You need to put these in your post)1) Leave me a comment saying "interview me please."2)I will respond by asking you five questions ( not the same as above)3)You will update your blog/site with the answeres to the questions.4) You will include ths explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.5) When others comment asking to be interviewd you will ask them five questions.

The Principle of Kol Israel

According to the Biblical story of Judah, who emerges as the leader of Israel, there is a passage in the Torah where it is argued that we, the Jewish people are called Jews as an acknowledgement of Judah, who was the first to affirm the primary principle of mutual responsibility, or kol Israel. Kol Israel literally means that we are responsible for each other.

We are a people aspiring to holiness, singled out through our covenant with God and our unique history. We are linked by that covenant and that history to all Jews in every age and every place.

We are committed to the mitzvah of love for the Jewish people and to the entireties of the community of Israel. Recognizing that all Jews are responsible for one another, we reach out to all Jews across ideological and geographical boundaries.

As many of you have seen, you have bared witness to strain, and some conflict between other Jews who come to my blog and vice-versa. Many have felt that I am being disrespectful to them, and I feel that they have been unkind and berating to me, in clear violation of the principles of kol Israel.

With the recent issues in Israel and the process of disengagement in Gush Katif, I believe this also to be an interesting topic of discussion.

Here is the question of the day: What does the principle of Kol Israel mean to you? Is it shoving Jewish law, as one sees it down someone else's throat, or is it showing compassion and comfort, or is it entirely something else? Is it a sin in the eyes of God to judge and condemn another Jew and not be of comfort, regardless of our personal feelings about their Jewishness or level of belief? Are we responsible for each other regardless, of how we pray, feel or live?

This will be my last post for ten days.

Blessings to all.

Thank you for your minds.

Bush to Announce His Nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court Tonight

With the sudden announcement of the retirement of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, and the subsequent hospitalization of Chief Justice William Rehnquist, the Bush nominee to replace O'Connor will have the potential of stunning consequences. As the swing vote, and as noted in my previous posts, often the Justice who tipped the balance in cases where there was a close 5-4 decision, her replacement will be critical.

Here is the question of the day: Who do you think Bush will announce to replace O'Connor? Do you think that he will choose a moderate, or a right wing conservative? Is there anything in Bush's history as our President that makes you come to these conclusions?

I will be away from blogging for several days after my father's funeral tomorrow. Please continue to post your opinions and conclusions as the debate, which surely will linger on into the coming week continues.

Thanks to the many of you for your kind words of comfort and support during this difficult time. Blogging has allowed me to stay a bit more centered in my grief.

Thank you for your minds.

Sexual Harassment Suits in the Workplace

According to a significant case decided yesterday in the California Supreme Court, workers who loose promotions to colleagues who are sleeping with their bosses can sue their employers for sexual harassment. The state high court unanimously decided that any worker, male or female, could suffer sexual harassment even if his or her boss never asked for sexual favors or made inappropriate advances. Previously, only the worker who had the affair or received unwanted sexual attention could prevail under California law.

This opinion is strong, and favors the protection of women who are not directly harassed, but indeed are disadvantaged by the fact that there is favoritism in the office. Since situations involving sexual favoritism arise frequently in the workplace, particularly in large companies, this opinion seeks to provide many safeguards for women.

Here is the question of the day: How do you weigh in on the issue of sexual harassment in the workplace? Do you think talk without action constitutes sexual harassment? Do you think that for someone to be viewed as a victim of sexual harassment, an actual sexual act must take place resulting in favoritism? Are men just as likely to be victims of sexual harassment as women in 2005? Does this opinion go too far, or not far enough?

Thank you for your minds.

Saying Kaddish and Its Meaning

Not being an expert on the Torah or Jewish law, some of what I say on the subject of Kaddish may be basic, or just plain incorrect. If either is the case, please feel free to make necessary and appropriate comments and let me know.

What do we mean when we have to say Kaddish for someone who dies? According to Jewish law and tradition, an individual has a religious obligation to remember our beloved dead, and the Kaddish is the traditional prayer for mourners. Some believe that according to Jewish tradition, saying Kaddish tempers God's judgment of our loved one, the notion being that the souls of our departed ones are suspended in some kind of place, and our recitation of this prayer intercedes on their behalf, thereby easing their entrance into God's blessed world to come. When we say the words, we also praise God, in memory of our beloved dead, and with our own religious practice in life.

For others, saying Kaddish is a personal and powerful tool for the person who says it, developing and growing his/her relationship with God in the process of self-examination, and can be a meaningful journey through grief, loss and acceptance. If a parent dies, it is traditional for a son, according to strict Halacha to say kaddish for his mother or father. Some more reformed and conservative movements are more egalitarian and believe it to be proper for a woman to say the prayer as well. No matter what, the blessing is to be said each and every day for 11 months for one's parent.

There is an excellent blog by Ari L. Goldman, an Orthodox Jew, called Living a Year of Kaddish. He wrote it after his father, who was the same age as my father, when he died, and Goldman was the same age as my brother when the mourning period began, except for him, it was one day after rather than before his 50th birthday.

My brother will not say Kaddish for my father, this is a certainty. We do not live in a Jewish neighborhood, so my ability to say it every day for 11 months is not a possibility. When I am able to go to a synagogue, I will say it, and plan to go for at least the next two Shabbaths. I will say that some blessed soul from the blogging world has made a commitment to say Kaddish every day for my father for the 11 month period. This was his idea, no strings attached, and he concluded it would be his pleasure. This is a great responsibility, but also a great gift that he is giving to God, to the people of Zion and to me. God Bless you, if you are reading my blog.

Thank you for your minds.

'Acts' or 'Deeds' of Loving-kindness

My basic belief about people, and I know that this is a generalization, is that most of us are good human beings. What this means, is that we make an effort to lead good, moral lives, and do what needs to be done to get us by. We stop, give directions, open doors for others, say hello, ask people how they are doing, and appear to care when the need is there.

These questions have surfaced in the last week, as many people have truly come through with acts and deeds of loving kindness since I have been faced with the death of my father this week. Most have offered kind, beautiful, thoughtful words, and many have come from people who post on my blog. I am so humbled. One man, who has never even posted on my blog, offered a chesed (a deed of loving kindness towards a Jew) and offered to say Kaddish, the prayer honoring a Jew who has died, for my father for the 11 month period. When the Rabbi came to my parents home, the first thing Sunday morning, I sent some money to Chabad, feeling that it was my obligation to honor this Rabbi for his good deed, knowing that this would be something that would make me feel better.

Here are the questions of the day: How many of us truly practice 'acts' or 'deeds of loving kindness? How many of these are self-less acts, no strings attached to our own waists? How many can go behind the holy trilogy of me, myself and I when such actions are taken? What motivates you to practice acts or deeds of loving kindness? Where does such action originate? Are they simple 'acts' or 'deeds' or is the distinction a meaningless one?

Thank you for your minds.

Thoughts from A Sleepless Night

Being awake since 3:30 am, has given my brain time to warm up, and the thoughts have begun to come out from their hiding places, those imprisoned places inside of my mind.

Yesterday was a difficult day, making the funeral arrangements for my father, and seeing his body. One can never really anticipate the reaction from a parent's death.

To go from the painful to the more painful, my husband, and son, tell me that it is now time to think about having my beloved Astro (the dog) put to sleep. The quality of his life seems to be declining, as he slips down that slope. Those of you who know me and the love I have for this dog, can only imagine what a painful act this would be for me, especially this week. But life does not happen the way I want it to be, nor are the results as I desire, so I must accept what is, which to me also translates as God's will, and learn to live with the results. Sometimes, we may be forced to even live with unresolved issues in our lives. For me, when I can learn to accept what it, and know that I do not run the show, it is easier to let life happen as it does.

With the very same head, I must look at all the wonderful blessings in our lives. My daughter is doing well today, and seems to be on a path to good health, thank God. I truly believe that this is a great blessing, and something for which I am greateful for each and every day. My son came back safely from his trip to Israel, Turkey and Jordan. My husband is in good health, relatively speaking, and so am I. We have our home, food on the table and good family in our lives. All blessings.

The question of the day may seem a complete non-sequitur, i.e. something that does not follow at all form the thoughts articulated above, but it is one that I have been thinking about while I have been up and trying to make use of my time, but here it is: How do you find other people's blogs that are of interest to you? Do you hit the 'next blog button,' go to those people's blogs who comment on your blog, have a set number of those from your friends and/or acquaintances, or is there another method to your connection inside the blog-o-sphere? On this note, I will say, that I have come across some truly wonderful and amazing individuals here in the blogging world, having gained knowledge and some meaningful personal connections. I have even had one kind soul, God Bless him, offer to say kaddish for my father for 11 months, which to me is a great honor and self-less act of kindness.

Thank you for your minds.

Coincidence or Meant to Be?

We just came back from making the funeral arrangements for my father. The actual process, and seeing him, in a dead state was much more difficult than I thought it would be. It was a surreal, but my father appeared to be peaceful, and I kissed him goodbye.

We asked for the memorial park to provide a rabbi. Since my parents live in Las Vegas, and we no longer belong to a synagogue, they said that they would find someone. The call just came from the Rabbi. I could not believe it, but it was the same Rabbi who did our son's bris, the same one with whom I argued about whether we could have a special ceromony (pen habim? and he said no, because I was a Kohan and the baby was born c-section) and the same Rabbi who conducted my daughter's baby naming. This man, who had retired, and was long gone, who already had a history with my family, is now going to officiate at my father's funeral this Wednesday.

So I ask myself: is this coincedence, or was it really meant to be? Is it God's will to bring all of these mysterious forces of life and death, the cycles that began the lives of my children, and end the life of my father together?

Something to contemplate, for certain.

Thank you for your minds.

Death by Suicide Bombing

This morning, I woke up, still feeling my own grief, and I see in the paper that 60 people were killed in Iraq by a suicide bomber. The target was a fuel tanker in a busy marketplace, and most of the victims were burnt in a Shite town south of Bagdad. This event made the front page, in the right hand corner. No major headlines to make us see the point in the U.S. newspaper here in California.

As you recall, last week, 3 people were killed in Natanya, Israel by suicide bombing and more than 70 injured in a crowded mall. Over the past several years, many innocent people have been killed (hundreds by suicide bombs) in Israel. Israelis have been the target of suicide bombings for many years now, and this method of killing has been favored by hate groups against Jews for years now. The event was noted in the newspapers and on CNN. No two minutes of silence were observed.

Of course we know about the suicide bombs in London the week before last killing at least 40 people and injuring many. There was much converage spent on this event, and even two minutes of silence was devoted to mourn those lost in London. This event made front page headlines, with large letters, and there was on-going news coverage on U.S. channels for days about this horrible tragedy.

There is something I do not understand. Is a death by a suicide bomb in London more meaningful, or something we mourn more or more deserving of press coverage than deaths by suicide bombings in Israel in Iraq? A death by a suicide bombing results in deaths of innocent people everywhere. Those in Israel are used to it, having to live a still live with bombers for more than four years now. Do we, as people, think that some deaths are more worthy than others?

Thank you for your minds.

The Meaning of Death and the Nature of Burial

As this blog is somewhat of a personal diary for me, it seems only fitting, especially for myself, that I write about what has been going on with us here during these past few days.

My father passed away very peacefully, thank God. He went in the morning for his regular walk, got a hair cut, steped out to get the usual lunch for my mother, and came home. When he arrived he told my mother that he was feeling tired, and needed to go rest. He did not wake up thereafter. The cause of death seems to be from a blocked artery.

With the sudden death of my father, so much comes upon a child without preparation.For one, he lived in Las Vegas with my mother more than a five hour drive from here. When my brother called to tell me about his death, I realized that there were some tasks that had to be done from here before we could get to Vegas. My father was not religious, but both his parents were very Orthodox Jews, or as you may have heard by now, frum. My father left no instructions about how he wanted to be buried, including where, or and what matter. What I knew was that he wanted to be laid to rest in a Jewish cemetary and not cremated. We did not discuss such matters. So I was left to follow tradition from our religion, and look to how he buried his own parents. The first step I took was to call the Rabbi from the local Chabad, who God Bless this man, arrived very quickly to the home of my father, and was able to perform blessings before the coroner took away the body. This Rabbi did not ask whether my father was religious, what was his level of observance, he came to help because another Jew asked him to be there. Once the body was taken, the Rabbi told us the best place for us to go, and we followed his directions.

We then had to go to the mortuary in Las Vegas, as my mother and brother decided they wanted my father buried here, in California, to arrange to have his body transported to California in accordance with the laws of the state. Since this was done on Friday morning, and that evening was Shabbath, the body would not arrive here until sometime Sunday. So tomorrow, we have an arrangement with the mortuary here in California to have a meeting. Of course, this is a pure business for these people, and they insist on meeting personally, which is translated by we want our money before we make any arrangements. We will go tomorrow to make all of these arrangements. We left Las Vegas before noon on Friday so we could be here Friday night, and brought my mother along with us. She is disabled, so there were some difficulties that we did not expect. Since we have had a strained relationship for many years in some ways, she has made herself a bigger issue for the family than my father's death. I am thinking about Tan Lucy and her visit with Bonnie, and the issues that surfaced during that time. I understand completely, and those here are coupled with grief as well.

There are two aspects of death, always, those that apply to the living and those that apply to the manner, custom and method of burial and observance. It made me think about how I would want to be buried when it is my time to leave this earth. Although I live large (shopping, many fragrances, make-up all kinds of clothing, chakas), I truly believe that I want to die small. What I mean by this, is I want to be buried in a shroud (plain white burial gown) and be but in a simple pine box. And of course, I want to be buried in accordance with Jewish laws. I hope my son will say kaddish for me, but I do not know. My brother will not say it for my father, as he does not consider himself to be Jew at all in any manner. He married a non-Jew, and his daughter, who came here to visit us today, asked me what all of those unusual metal objects were, hanging from above our doors, and why the one at the front door was so shiny and large. Having five mezuzzahs, it seemed strange to her, and I realized that she, my niece, knows nothing about Judaism. Another demise by assimilation or apathy.

Many thanks to those of you who have expressed your heartfelt sympathy in this time of our loss. Your good thoughts and prayers have been a great surce of comfort to our family during this time.

Thank you for your minds.

Some Sad News

My brother just called to tell me that my father has died. He was 77, not in excellent health, but just passed away in his sleep. We were not close, and since he moved out of state, we became more and more distant. I have never been able to forgive him for not coming to my daughter's bat mitzvah. The reasons were not religious, he and my mother did not want to put themselves out of the way for the trip.

But now I am feeling very sad. Sadder in fact than I thought I would, and must think about how to respond so that he can have a proper Jewish burial. Although not religious, he is a Kohan, and certain rules do apply.

At least for Father's Day, I was able to call him, and wish him a good father's day, and good health. I almost did not make that call, as I was filled with my own resentments, but for him, I am happy I did today. He was very happy to hear from me.

Goodbye Dad....

I will be taking a break for awhile from blogging until I can get these issues together.

Thank you for your minds.

Coincidence, Free Will, God's Will or Meant to Be?

Surely all of us have those unique, unexplainable moments in life, when something happens, we pause and wonder what it is all about. For example, during two of our family trips years ago, one in Hawaii, another in Paris, we saw a couple of our neighbors, rushing across the street. What are the chances of seeing someone from the neighborhood, you know, in front of the Paris Opera House? Another may be that a sick relative, suddenly becomes well, and we hear ourselves, saying, thank God. Other times, when we have an important meeting to attend, our car will not start, or we may find ourselves being caught in traffic, or stopped for a ticket, and conclude, "this is just my luck." Some of us believe that these events are serendipitous, leaving us with awe or in some instances anger and frustration. Or maybe with the recent tragedies in Israel, London, or Iraq, or with someone we know, struck by illness or worse death, we say, why does this have to happen.

Here is the question of the day: How do you explain the unexplainable? Is it the result of God's will, the unraveling of the mysteries of life, bad luck, being spiritually connected, or the universe working exactly as it is supposed to be, whether we like it or not?

Thank you for your minds.

Rate Your Penis

A topic of neverending facination to me, as many of you have seen is the penis. What makes this such a provocative, and evocative issue, is that so many men and women seem to place such great emphasis on it. When you hear any man talk about his penis, with perhaps the exception of Howard Stern, most conclude that they have a great penis. They brag about it, and wear their valour like a purple heart on their chests when talking about it. When have you ever heard a man admit that he does not have a great penis? Women, on the other hand, may say, yes, I have small breasts, wish they were bigger, but for men, it is all about size. What does this mean? We think it has to do with size perhaps, or length. Why do you care? I do not personally care.

Here is the question of the day: I know many of you may feel this is an inappropraite topic, or simply not worthy of comment, and I welcome anonymous comments, so feel free to hit the button saying anonymous. How do you honestly rate your penis or the penis of your spouse, or partner, lover or frieind? What criteria do factor in to this rating system? Is it really that important? And why please tell me do all men conclude that they have a great penis? Does it matter to women?

Thank you for your minds.

How we React to Others; How do you set boundaries?

I was just reading over someone elses blog, and found myself able to relate when she was talking about her relationship with her familiy members, and her reaction to them. Sometimes, our family members, friends, children, husbands, and even strangers do things to piss us off, make us angry, and our knee jerk reaction is to flee the scene. Walk away, tell them to f*** off, and leave. Sometimes, we walk away completely, leaving only a trail of crumbs behind. But are these reactions really helpful in the end to our own peace of mind? Are we talking care of ourselves, or hurting ourselves when we act so quickly without thinking? Does it build resentments and anger, and not create a healthy space for ourselves? Who gets hurt the most in the end?

As you can see from my post below, I think that the better way is to set healthy boundaries for ourselves. To set forth the lines that people can and cannot cross, and let them be known, in a kind, loving way, if at all possible. Anger, ultimately, just hurts ourselves, and makes us feel more pain and suffering. Setting boundaries, tells others, we are not door-mats, this is where you can and cannot go, and it makes a statement for yourself that you can live with in a healthy way. Sometimes setting boundaries means stepping away from unhealthy relationships. Other times, it means letting people know what the definition and extent of our limits, and where we are at when the line is crossed.

Here is the question of the day: When you become angry, frustrated, or someone gets to you how do you deal with it? What is the best method for letting people know what your personal boundaries are and how to respect them?

Thank you for your minds.

Life is For Giving

According to Ralph Waldo Emerson, "it is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without also helping himself."

With these words, one begins to wonder how to give meaning to our lives, and help ourselves. Some believe that we will be truly happy when we have learned how to be of service to others. Although I belive this to be the case, and that true giving is one of the highest forms of service, I think that we must also look at our motives when we give, be there for others, extend a hand. Is it to foster some self end for ourselves, such as giving to others to make us look good, or is it to truly be there for another human being, no matter what the end result, or whether it benefits us in some individual way or not? Is giving with 'strings attached' to our own bodies something that is alright to do? Must the motives and means of giving be meaningless, or is it in the results that count, or have no bearing on the acts themselves?

Last week, I asked this sort of question in relationship to volunteer work that one does, but it made me think about the nature and meaning of giving in one's own life. What is the meaning of giving, and how do you give of yourself to others?

Thank you for your minds.

Carl Rove Caught with his Pants Down: Should he be Fired or Indicted?

In a surreal move that makes the happenings of the Bush administration reminiscent of George Orwell's amazing book, 1984, it has been discovered that Carl Rove was definitely behind the leak in the name of the CIA agent last year. Here is the story: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/12/politics/12cnd-rove.html?hp&ex=1121227200&amp
5094&partner=homepage. The Bush administration, in its typical, let's us not talk about it and it will go away attitude, is remaining stoic, saying little, and wishing, like some magic wand from Harry Hudini's bag of tricks, that this entire issue would just disappear. Think about it: Abu Ghraub, The Iraq War, The Downing Street Memo, The death of Pat Tillman, and more, just seem to loose momentum with this administration and its ability to play hide and stay hidden.

If any one of these things would have happened during the Clinton years, there would have been investigation after investigation and calls for heads on a wooden platter. Just remember how Rove was behind the messages dealing with Kerry's military service? The double standards and the shameful conduct of this administration to play hide the ball is simply despicable. Remember, Clinton was IMPEACHED for lying about sex under oath. The Clintons's were subjected to years of investigation of Whitewater. Just look at what has been going on with this administration, and what is the result?

Here is the question of the day: Should Carl Rove be fired? Should there be criminal charges brought against him for these leaks regarding the CIA story? Are the leaks tantamount to treasonous behavior?

On a side note, and definitely provocative in nature, I must ask this question as well: Now that Rove has his pants down, how many think he has a tiny penis?

I hope that everyone has had the opportunity to read the post below, and will be respectful about the boundaries of my blog.

Thank you for your minds.

A new Set of Glasses

First of all, thank you so very much to many of you kind men and women who have sent me emails, offering your hearts, minds and good wishes in responding to my latest set of self-searching posts. Your good thoughts are a great blessing, and truly appreciated.

There are so many blogs, and bloggers out there who are a source of great strength and inspiration to me, and I am so happy to know you, even if known is defined in a mechanical type of way. I looked at your positive message of the day today, Aaron, and its words were like loud blasts from the Shofar to remind one that an attitude of gratitude is something which we should hang on-to each and every moment, and not forget. Scott W. echoes this sentiment loudly as well in his daily blog. For me, each and every day before I get out of bed in the morning, I thank God for the day, and ask for blessings for my children and husband, and all who suffer. Each good day is indeed a great blessing.

Kiki, your email, and openness were so inspirational, and thank you. How can I ignore all the Pezs, whose bright colors and smiling quotes and sayings illuminate my day. Winterwheat, my voice of strength and reason, and rockofgalie, godless mom, whit, meegan, doug, mire, niobuim and the iguana who have a passion for politics. And my humor, of course comes from Ask the Pope along with Mr. H.K. If anyone has not seen the beautiful art of Zeppellina, they are in for a great feast for the eyes. There are so many more of you who brighten my day, and if I failed to mention you, I apologize.

For today, there have been a couple of resolutions, and set some boundaries that I have made which I would like to share. Since I am an expressive person who loves to write, I will continue to post my thoughts, but will not allow comments for awhile. First of all, I will not engage in any unhealthy internet relationships with people anymore. My time is valuable, as is my voice, and will ignore anyone who wishes to engage in negative or berating comments. By not responding, my time and energy will not be commanded, and I will not subject myself to being treated poorly. I value myself, my mind, body and soul, and will not allow abuse or beration. Disagreement is wonderful, in fact, I encourage it, as this is what in many instances provides the fire to ignite or souls, change or thinking, and expand our minds! Some fantastic comments, and discussions have transpired here, and I thank everyone for their passionate minds and words.

The issues regarding my connection to Judaism remain up in the air, and am thinking about them very seriously, and appreciate all your thoughts and comments.

Since I live one day at a time, this is where I am at today. In my process of setting boundaries, I noticed that in addition to the features of deletion and editing, the blog allows for the option of having no comments being posted. Hence, the use of this forum as a personal daily diary is in fact very much a live option and welcome opportunity as well. Those not interested in what is being said, have the absolute and fundamental right not to read what is written, and move on. Tomorrow, my feelings may be different, and I may allow comments once more. But for today, this is the choice I have made, until I feel safe once again. A blog belongs to the blogger, primarily, which is a lesson that was difficult for me to learn. That being said, boundaries are important to me, one at a time.

My heart and prayers go out to those in Natanya, Israel today, who were struck by a suicide bomber leaving at least 3 dead, and countless injured. May you know a time of peace without violence and let this blessing illuminate the world.

Thank you for your minds.

The Whispering of Ghosts: What is the Meaning of Being a Jew?

So much personal reflection and time has gone into my trying to understand what this means and how to define the meaning of being a Jew for me. It has something I had been very proud of, my hertitage, its meaning, and the struggles of my people throught-out time. My own quest was beginning to take me towards a deeper understanding of the meaning of God and the religion. As I have noted below, I am now on a path of disconnect, where I am questioning more than having meaningful answers given to me.

What is the point of lighting my candles on Friday night? What is the point of trying to comply with the commandments and prohibitions of the Torah? Many of the Jews I have met in blogsville lately have showm me a set of values filled with contradiction and intolerance, pain and suffering. On the one hand, they say they are pious, self-rigious individuals, claiming devotion to God and His people, yet shun another Jew, and make the most bigoted and insulting remarks I have heard from anyone in a long time. It makes me feel sadened and ashamed, resulting in feelings of withdrawal and isolation. Getting closer to God, from the Jewish perspective is something that seems very unattractive to me at this moment.

You see the answer is not to be a religious v. secular Jew, because as illustrated below, it is possible to be nothing as well. Believe in nothing, fight for nothing, give to no-one. I have already, as of Wednesday, asked the Chabad organization to remove me from the Daily Mitzvah and Tanya lists that I had coming to me for more than two years. Why take the message when the messangers are so unkind, rude and intolerant? It has always been my feeling that if you want someone or something to be attrative to someone else, your way of thinking and/or believing and/or living, then it is essential to set a good example. To be kind in one's words as well as one's deeds.

For now, I am going to be left with my own deep, personal thinking, about what is left. You can see the questions that are raised above, and I want to be alone and think in an attempt to sort this all out.

So ironic, in a way, how some of these Chassids, those from Boro Park, not all, as I do not classify all in to be cut from the same cloth, say they do mitzvot, try to bring the Jew closer to the religion, andin this case, there are a few who have made this Jew go further and further away.

Thank you for your minds.

Reporting on Disasters: An Art Form or Dangerous Game?

Time for a light hearted post. (at least for my standards, especially during these past few weeks.) As many know, I am an early riser, and do my best work in the wee hours of the morning.

Over these past few days, I have watched various reporters from CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS and other channels going down to Florida to report on hurricane Dennis. Equipped with microphone in hand, and wearing the post up to the date rain gear, these journalists, are speaking as the winds begin to hurl, street signs blow away, and roofs of other people's homes are ripped from the rooftops, causing destruction and devastation. Winds are hurling and whirling, like spinning dervishes, at hundreds of miles per hour. Meanwhile, the journalists, are telling the world about the dangers of the hurricane, the destruction that is being caused, and how it is not a good idea to be outside.

This type of reporting has also been seen in the face of the coverage of the tsunami in So. East Asia, or following a police chase down the streets of Los Angeles.

Here is the question of the day: Is this responsible journalism, or are journalists contributing to the problem and making the wrong type of statement by putting themselves in harm's way?

Thank you for your minds.

How Do we Protect Ourselves From Terrorists?

Terrorism is becoming an all too familiar problem to many countries in the world today. Even before 9/11, there were bombings that had occurred in various parts of the world, ranging from those aboard airlines, to the shores of Asia. Since 9/11, many more people, especially Americans, are more aware of terrorism and its effects on the security of their nation and the world. It is definitely a scary proposition, I must admit.

Israel has been dealing with terrorism for more years than can be mentioned. During the past two individual over the past 5 years, many lives, both Jews and non-Jews have been claimed in a fight over land, and the existence of the Jewish people. As you know, Jews have felt the need to erect a fence to protect themselves and secure their boarders from the existence of terrorists in the State of Israel. Suicide bombs have been common place there prior to their achieving recognition and importance in Iraq as a form of inhumane distruction of human life.

Not all Palestinians are terrorists, and many Israeli citizens are in fact of Arab, not Jewish decent, who face the same issues of fear for their safety.

I am like Alan Dershowitz in many ways. Fair-minded, and many may conclude liberal thinking in many areas of politics, but do believe that Israel has an absolute right to defend and protect itself no matter what.

Here is the question of the day: Do you think Israel has a a right to build the fence for protection and security from terrorists? If not, what other means can be implemented to secure the safety for its people and its boarders, when there exists many who surround this country who hate the people who life there? How can the Israeli model be used to secure our own boarders here at home and protect us from terrorism?

Thank you for your minds.

Is God Being Judged by His Followers?

The Bible says, that God created man in His own image.

As you can see from many of my posts, I am having a great deal of difficulty dealing with some people in my own religion, who are leaving me to feel disconnected, lost and alienated. (see the post below) Thank you to my friends from Israel, and for normal jew http://jewishissues.blogspot.com/, who has an excellent and provocative discussion on his blog about what the meaning of a religious Jew is, which makes everyone think, and his own beliefs and feelings about one Jew insulting another.

How many claim to be pious, God fearing Jews, but become poster children for turning their very own away from, rather than towards God?

Tradingfences raises an interesting point :" I would argue that God desserves better than to be judged by his followers, whatever followers they may be, as humans by any deffinition are flawed and god by any real deffinition is not. that was rather long for a first time post... thanks for reading, i hope it was helpful. " Rockofgallie makes an excellent point about us who are to love God rather than vice verca (which is consistent with the commandments of the Torah.)


When other people question how His people observe the Commandments and Prohibitions, are they judgiing God by his followers? Is this something that God deserves, to be judged, or is only God to be the judge of everything according to the principles of the Torah? Is this type of judgment by His followers consistent with the principles set out in the Torah? Is it a sin for someone else to pass judgment on another about his/her level of observation? Is one Jew who seperates us v. you as a Jew being judgemental of God?

There is no need to comment. Again, I am dealing with my own issues of alienation and isolation, and do not want to leave room to be insulted, or have anyone's prayers be answered by my questions.

Thank you for your minds.

Why Jews Leave Judaism

This past month has been in many ways a familiar experience for me, but instead of from the eyes of a young woman, it is now from the eyes of a grown women, married with children. I was raised in a fairly religious environment, with grandparents who were extremely religous, observant, and practiced were God fearing people. From an early age, I had many questions to ask, most of which were not answered in a meaningful way. So, I decided I did not want to practice being a Jew. I was not even what you would call a secular Jew. I was nothing. An atheist, without Shabbath, a synagogue, a Christmas tree, no Easter bunny, no Jesus, nothing. I stayed that way for more than fifteen years.

Many years later, I met a group of wonderful Jews, with whom I felt some connection, and they rekindled the spark inside me to re-connect me with my roots. As my children started getting older, I began to observe Shabbos, go to synagogue, and do good deeds, including being emotionally available to those in need. This past year, I have wanted to deepen my roots, and have begun reading more about Judaism, receiving on-line information from a group called Chabad, and began sending monies and doing more charity to Jewish organizations. Finally, when I started my blog, I began to reach out even more to Jewish groups on line, primarily the ones to whom I had been familiar, those people who call themselves religious Jews.

From the beginning of my posts, a line was drawn: it was them v. me, with many assumptions and reminders that I did not understand THEM. But they are my people, and I am one of them, even if they do not see it that way. After weeks of battle, and what I feel to be a ride on around a hamster wheel, I have begun to feel that same disconnect I had when I was a young girl.

You see, us Jews are only about 14 million left. Each year, many leave, assimulate, intermarry, are numbers do not grow, but decrease. In fact, the Jerusalem Report this past month said that there are fewer Jews today than there were in 1939. Why do we leave? I cannot speak for everyone, but will say, that this feeling of being apart from or separate from the most pious and rightous turns many Jews away from Judaism, not towards it. The relgious talk about all their good deeds, but what is so good about not being tolerant, or making comments to make other Jews feel unwelcome, and having this attitude of "you don't understand US." I AM ONE OF YOU, PART OF THE US equasion, but not meant to feel that way.

Consequently, my own process of disconnect is beginning to happen again. I am turning away from my own people, not towards them. One blogger, when I said that I was not visiting anymore, commented, that his prayers were being answered. From his mouth to God's ears.

There is no need to comment. This post is solely for the purpose of expressing my feelings of alienation, isolation and disconnect.

Thank you for your minds.

The Nature of God

According to the Ten Commandments, and principles of the Torah, is God a punishing or a loving God? Are the Ten Commandments a substitution for the other 603 Commandments that exist in the Torah?

If God is loving, how do you explain all the pain and suffering of the world for so many years?

Thank you for your minds.

Are you a tolerant person?

We all like to think of ourselves as tolerant individuals. According to Webster's Dictionary tolerance is defined as to allow to be or be done without opposition. To me, tolerance is much more, and includes the idea that we accept others as they are, without judging or making an effort to impose ourselves, values or beliefs on them. This, of course does not mean to lie down and play dead, nor does it mean that we are in agreement with someone for his/her ideas or beliefs. We are allowed to speak up at let others know how we feel. But how do we do this? Does it mean that in expressing ourselves, we let others know, with honor and respect that we feel differently about something ourselves in a civil manner, or are we berating, mean-spirited or judgmental in our expression of our own differences?

Many of us, myself included, may believe we are tolerant, but when we search deep without ourselves, we find that we are not. How many of us truly accept others as they are, without judging and condemning them? Do we live and let live, or judge and put down? How often do we find ourselves being unacceptable of others, because they are different from us, in belief, lifestyle, sexual orientation, or even goals, and develop prejudices because of these differences, either at the conscious or unconscious level? Is it not just as much of a sin to be intolerant of others as it is to profess piousness and self-righteousness?

From my very first post, and the mission statement of Women on the Verge of Thinking, I set forth a mission statement of sorts, mainly that we can all let each other know how we feel, but the bottom line, is that we must accept that we will agree to disagree raising provocative subjects on my blog, which is something that interests me, I know that I am going to receive some passionate statements and opinions, which, quite frankly I invite.

Here is the question of the day: How tolerant of a person are you? When you disagree with someone on something, do you let that person know, in a kind, respectful way, or do you disagree by judgment or condemnation (whether conscious or not)? Do you believe it is healthy to be intolerant?


Thank you for your minds.

Is America Becoming Racist in its Thinking?

When most of us hear the word racism, we associate it with exclusion or ill feelings towards black Americans. In light of all the many terrorist activities that have surfaced in America, and for that matter around the world, many Muslims are being targeted as a group of individuals to whom hatred and ill will has been directed. As a Jew, Muslims, as a whole,have not necessarily been our friends. What I see, however, emerging today, in America and to some extent across the world is a new kind of racism directed against Muslims. The conclusion being, Muslims are terrorists, and they we should keep a watchful eye out for them.

One of my closest friends is a black woman, and she tells me the story of a situation where she was with a Muslim woman, who, after 9/11, was the target of much of the same kind of discrimination and ill will that had been directed towards blacks during the 1950s and 1960s, and beforehand, for that matter. The Muslim woman, as a twist of irony, started telling others that she was black so as not to be a target of hatred.

So here is the question of the day: Has the threat and occurrence of terrorism in this country and abroad produced a new kind of racism? Do we assume that all Muslims are terrorists and out to attack us here and abroad?

Thank you for your minds.

Will Rehnquist Announce His Retirement Tonight?

According to the Drudge Report, Chief Justice William Rehnquist is scheduled to announce his retirement tonight: http://www.drudgereport.com/

This is news that everyone expected to come about, in light of the ill health of the Chief Justice, whose opinions, although I have disagreed with over the years, I have grown to respect. Justice Rehnquist has had a philosophy, not an agenda, like Scalia and Thomas, in my opinion.

What is most serious, and has the most dramatic of all consequences is that Bush will be able to fill two vacancies in the U.S. Supreme Court. Our nation and the laws of this country will surely change, with the shift in the balance of power. Bush has already gone on record saying that he will make his own choices, leaving little room to believe that he is interested in selecting Justices who will unite and not divide this country as they will surely do in the court system. Bush is consistent in that he is the President, in charge of this country, and he will do it his way, period.

To me, these vacancies, and their impact are surely the most scary of all possibilities that can transpire during Bush's presidency, impacting on own own individual and civil rights in dramatic ways.

With two U.S. Supreme Court vacancies, can the center really hold with Bush as the President who nominates the successors?

This leaves me more worried about the future of this country than ever. What about you?

Thank you for your minds.

Should we go back to the 1960s?

During this past month, a topic has continued to surface inside my mind, in between brief preparation and argument. I kept thinking about what life, and how the times were like during the 1960s. Most of you may make the association with the hippie culture, drugs, free sex, and other forms of extreme behavior, but the 1960s were also, to some extent, a time of political and social peace, tolerance, and acceptance of others. Also, I cannot recall during the later part of the 60s ever feeling as if terrorism or the threat thereof was something that this country needed to consider, or worry about. Freedom of thought was present, the political parties seemed to work together, division being the extreme rather than the norm. For the most part, individual and women's rights were secure, and the idea of our country becoming a magnified 'police state' was not ever an issue. There were so many differences, as my husband and I noted this morning to warrant distinction.

Here is the question of the day? Even if you were not alive during the 1960s, but have information about the environment and what had occurred, do you think we should go back to those times? Are there aspects about the 1960s that you feel made us better off as Americans than we are today? Are their aspects that you would like to change or get rid of from that time? Do you believe that the 1960s were a more peaceful, accepting and tolerance time in the history of America?

Thank you for your minds.

The Power and Effect of Words:

I came across this beautiful quote today, and will think about it, in both my personal and professional dealings of the day:

'Words are the guides to acts; the mouth makes the first move'

Rabbi Leon da Modena

Let me be precise, kind, gentle, nobel and forthright in my use of words today.

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts this week. I am off to court in a bit. Today is the day for oral argment, the one where the power of words speaks loudly. A decision will not be made for about a month.



Thank you for your words and minds.

I have Had Enough, But Will Keep My Cool

Someone has used my name sake, calling himself barbarianfromcalifornia to throw hurls on other people's blogs. I think this is distasteful and childish.

What should I do? Change my blog's name to HaShem or Moschiah, or TheTorah, or something that would be sacred and not subjected to this kind of horror!

The example you people are setting for yourselves and their fellow Jews is beyond terrible.

I will not take the name of God in vain, especially for people who show no respect towards the Torah themselves. I am keeping my old name, and will post as I see fit, staying strong and not letting these ill and mentally unbalanced individuals get to me. I have added a picture to my profile, of a golden retriever on a pez container, so that it can be used for identification. When we know someone is sick, either mentally or physically, we must pray for them and that is what I will do for now for this misguided soul.

Please see these twisted comments from this blog: http://jewishissues.blogspot.com/

I am beyond disgusted, and greatly saddened that this mayhem must occur from one of our own. But if these people believe in the power of the Torah, their time will come, I am certain, if it has not done so already. These people feel as if we are not 'proper' Jews, rotted by the vestiges of assimilation, but look who and what was the first to post below when I discussed a topic about my son and his trip to Israel. Who is demeaning who? Only after total disgust, judgment and pent up frustration did I feel the need to post about the Bad Boys of Boro Park. This culture of intolerance and judgment is very upsetting and not something born out of true Torah.

I plan to ignore them, keep this post up, and I have notified blogspot.com of the problem, and go on to insure the quality exchange and discourse that previously existed on this blog.

Thank you for your minds.

Thank you for all Your Support, Good Thoughts and Kind Words

Many of you have conveyed to me, through private emails or on posts, your good thoughts and words and in some instances worry about me regarding these posts from below. Some have asked that I change my name, think about starting another blog, or be extra careful, for I may be stalked by dangerous people, and install a site meter. Let me address some of these issues.

First of all, thank you for all your kind words and thoughts. Frankly, I am not worried about myself as a result of these negative comments or discourse that has taken place, and feel that no danger will occur to me as a result. Candidly, most of these individuals to whom I refer, are rigid and maybe judgmental, but basically, they are good, caring helpful people, and if they live by the words of the Torah, which I believe they do, they will not do any damage nor harm to me. Yesterday, I said that maybe some davening will occur hoping that I become ill or die, but this comment was made in jest, as I do not feel this would occur either.

As indicated, not all people from Boro Park are unpleasantpeople. And certainly not all Orthodox Jews fit inside the mold of what may have occurred yesterday either. I titled the Blog the Bad Boys of Boro park since I thought it a catchy title, and it conveyed some of the thoughts and feelings I had as a result of the contradictions I found inside the posts on these people's own blogs. In some ways, I entered inside of a world very different from my own, where there will be little change, understanding or common ground. To some extent, I take my own responsibility for going inside of a foreign land. Be that as it may, negativity and harshness resulted, which was painful, especially to me.

Many of my bloggers know me personally. I am a 'tough broad' as the saying goes, and it is difficult to penetrate my tough skin and forthright veneer. I intend to move on, and restore this blog with the healthy discourse and exchange of ideas that existed beforehand, and encourage anyone with something meaningful to say, to please be a part of my blogworld and post as you so desire.

God Bless You.

Thank you for your minds.

Sea-of-Light

Let us start the day off on a good, illuminating foot today, and put aside all of the sadness and bitter feelings from yesterday. In some ways, in a strange twist of fate, all of the arguing and defending helped calm me, and prepare my mind for the big day Friday when I go to argue two cases before the Court of Appeal. I figure if I can take on those kinds of arguments and remain calm, focused and collected, it is good practice for what lies ahead for me.

In addition to my work, being a wife and mother, I like to make time for volunteer work. There are many causes that I am passionate about, but try to spend a good amount helping others. Among my volunteer activities that I write book reviews for a periodical that is published try-annually, I participate in annual telethon for a Jewish organization, and am an active participate in NAMI. (National Association for the Mentally Ill) There are also various organizations to which I contribute money including those for breast cancer, mental illness, Israel ambulance fund and Chabad. Making time to be of service to others is something that brings light into my own live, and helping others who cannot help themselves is something that is significantly important to me.

Here is the question of the day: To help me know a little bit about you and what you consider to be important, worthwhile causes, do you do volunteer work? What organizations and/or causes are you passionate about? Do you send donations as well to various organizations, and if so, which ones and why?

Thank you for your minds.

Let us not Kill the Message: The Power of Torah

As many of you have read, or experienced from the posts below, there was much heated discussion about what it means to be a good, and not so goodJew. Through-out all of this banter, comments, hurls of insults, support, and crying, I have actually learned a valuable lesson here.

When I originally went to those blogs to which I speak, I was puzzled, with a feeling of loss over the contradictions I saw expressed in blogville. Here were my own people, professing to be strict interpreters of the Torah, and following their commandments and prohibitions, yet speaking candidly and frankly aboutintimate details of sex and their private lives. This is something, mind you, that they would not ever consider doing in their homes or on their streets. It made me wonder, not so much what kind of Jew I was, but what kind of Jew these individuals were, and the examples they were setting.

Some may judge and condemn me for not being more religious or observant, and I began to wonder myself if this was not something that I should investigate as I am becoming closer to God all of the time. But what kind of an example is this with people talking about sex and private stuff, and not Torah.

In the end, I do believe that the power of God and Torah are stronger than can be put into words for these reasons. The very powers whom I were fighting against, stayed their course, mean, nasty and sex crazed, but what emerged victorious, with the message of the Torah and its teachings through the mouths of those humble Jews who came forward to offer true mitzvot through their words and deeds.

As indicated, I will not ever turn against my own people, whom I love with a deep passion. But in many ways, through their words, deeds and actions, they have made a bigger transgression, which is that they have turned against the very laws of the Torah that they so righteously defend and profess to love.

Thank you for your minds.

The Bad Boys of Boro Park

This post is going to display itself in the form of a rant, something that has been bothering me, and thoughts and emotions that I need to air and get off my chest.

As some of you have seen during the past few weeks, I have discovered a group of blogs from people who call themselves very religious (frum) Jews. Most of them live in an area called Boro Park, located in Brooklyn New York. These individuals are not exclusive to the Boro Park region, and are scattered around many areas around the world. Rather than call them religious extremists, for I do not feel that this is a good label, they are extreme in their thinking, behavior and matter of dress. Governed by the laws of the Torah, the men dress in wool, black suits, white shirts, and wear black hats, and a special hat for Friday night. They have beards and long curls. The women dress modestly, covering their heads with wigs, and or hats, if married, and wear long sleeves and skirts mostly. They do not speak the Hebrew language in public, as that is the language of the Torah, and most speak Yiddish in their homes. Consequently, many are not well versed in English. Truthfully, these people have not ever really bothered me for their appearance, or even extreme thinking, until I came to blogsville. In fact, I have sent money to their organizations, and volunteer for them at least once a year. I accepted them and their ideas for what they were, and felt that they had a 100 percent right to dress as they wished, and live as they desired.

Since I have been in blogsville, howerver, I have encountered many of these people, mostly men, to be rude, rigid, intolerant, and judgmental. Peruse my comments and theirs below and see what I mean for yourself. When I post on their blogs, some of them ignore me completely, like I do not exist. Others, especially the women, I will say, have been kind and welcoming to me, less judgmental, but not necessarly accepting. Live and let live, you say. But a few of these people do not live and let live. They live and judge me, making assumptions about what I do and do not, and are just plain mean. In fact, these people have made me feel less like being a committed Jew, rather than more so. The example they have set is not attractive, and some are angry at themselves, their parents, their wives, and others. Sometimes, physical and/or sexual abuse transpires as a result, and this is a community full of contradictions. On the one hand, they tell people how to think, act, to be more religious, you do not do this or that, yet these same men may have mistresses, cheat, lie, abuse their wives and/or children. Who is the better person.? Who is being judged and for what?

My comments do not apply to all Jews in Boro Park, nor all Orthodox Jews, as there are many wonderful souls both here and in Israel. These comments are limited to a small number of people I have met here in blogsville. In the world, these individuals keep themselves separate from me, and other Jews who do not share their beliefs, so I do not have much to do with them.


Another belief that I have been told is that many do not believe in the existence of the State of Israel. This is actually shocking to me, as a Jew, and as someone who has seen my people persecuted for so many thousands of years. Moreover, when my son recently went to Israel, a few of these bloggers questioned his motives, and called him names, making assumptions about what he did or did not do during his trip, with of course, a negative judgment and spin affixed to the outcome.

I am writing to clear my head, and let this community know what it feels like to be abused by them. It is not fun. They claim that G-d is the judge, but more often than not, they are playing the judge. To me, G-d is a much kinder, gentler, humble soul.

EDIT: Based upon the comments and recommendations of http://jewishissues.blogspot.com/, who is a fair and open minded person, I will open this post up for comments.

We do reap what we sow.

Thank you for your minds.

The State of Israel

Another freedom, or thought that emerged this morning, when I woke up, thinking of course, was that this country does allow me the right to express freely my thoughts as they surface. At times, I am grateful for that right, but not completely convinced by any degree of certainty that it is good for me to think so much and so deeply.

Much of yesterday was spent, with family and friends, looking at our son's pictures on line from his amazing trip to Israel, Turkey and Jordan. A life-long fascination, for me, has been the culture of what I call "Yidishland" which represents the old world Jews from the ghettos of Eastern Europe. These individuals are governed first and foremost by strict religious commandments and prohibitions (613 in fact, see the post below for more clarification), and many, not all. men dress in a certain style of black clothing, while women cover their heads and bodies as a display of modesty. This representation is a simplification. This is the generation of my grandparents and their parents, and for some Jews, a small minority, this continues to be their own generation and that of their children here in the United States as well.

Although many of the suicide bombings have stopped in Israel, (thank God), many new internal conflicts surface in the coming weeks and months regarding the turn over of the Gaza strip and the West bank to Palestinian control. The issue regarding this land partition and its impact is a subject for ten blogs, so I will not focus on it in this particular post. What worries me most now, as I sit here and write these comments, is that much conflict, violence and strife is likely to result from the conduct of one Jew towards another in this complex exchange of land and ideas, creating more discourse than already exists between our neighbors, and those who do not feel as if the Jewish state has a right to exist. I worry endlessly at the idea or thought of ill feelings, discourse and hatred from Jew v. Jew, and all my prayers, thoughts and feelings for today, and all these days, will extend to the hope that this type of intra-religious conflict does not surface and create rather than solve more problems in an otherwise fragile process and nation.

As a side note, but noteworthy nevertheless, President Bush is the first U.S. President since Herbert Hoover who has appointed no Jews to his cabinet. To me, this factor is significant, and may in more ways than known impact and speak volumnes on his ultimate position on U.S. relations with Israel.

Thank you for your minds.

Celebration of the 4th of July: Showing Gratitude

My friend, Scott http://sippiambrose.blogspot.com/ talks about celebration of the 4th of July as an exercise of showing gratitude, or thankfulness. Now that I am thinking about it, I think it is something which we can all identify with, and be thankful for, whether we agree with the direction the country is going, the freedoms that we have, or may loose, or the political climate of our nation.

Today, there is much for which I am grateful. I am grateful for my relatively good health, and for the good health of my daughter today, thank God. I am grateful for my loving husband, and the safe return of my son yesterday from the Middle East. My son tells me of how he was unable to access the ATM, and how a kind elderly Israeli woman gave him money to take a cab so he had no cash on him and could make it to the airport. This is what we Jews call tzadaka (a selfless act of goodwill). Someone else in Israel, friend of a friend, gave my son two beautiful hamsa (hand of God) pendants, one is gold and another in silver, to give to me, knowing that this was something I wanted from Israel, as a kind act. I am grateful that there are so many kind, self-less and good hearted people out there in America and and around the world today, who give of themselves freely, without wanting anything in return. This is something I feel truly blessed and grateful for each and every day, as doing good deeds sets good examples for myself and for others, and is one of the highest forms of praise we can give to God and to others. I am grateful for being able to say kind words to others as well for today.

Gratitude and thankfulness are good topics for the 4th of July. So the question of today is to tell me something that makes you feel grateful and thankful, as a human being and/or as an American.

Have a glorious 4th of July.

Thank you for your minds.

Destination Home

From what I can tell, my son's plane has left Tel Aviv, and he should be home, God willing, tomorrow morning. I really miss him, and in truth, he has been gone for more than 4 years, since he went to college out of state. After coming home for 3 days, he immediately left for Israel, then went traveling to Turkey. It feels as if he has grown up inside his own sea, to a great extent.

Surely, he will have many pictures, stories, and highlights to share with us about his trip, and I can hardly wait to hear about them. We will all be together for the 4th and have some company as well to share the day together.

As mentioned, my blog time will be limited in the week to come, as I have to prepare for my cases to be argued at the Court of Appeal next week. If any of you have lucky rabbit's feet, troll dolls, or other paraphinelia and/or items of superstition that bring about good luck, the wishes will be most welcomed and appreciated.

Many blessings for a healthy and happy 4th of July.

Thank you for your minds.

To George W. Bush: A Small Salute

Certainly by now, it is more than self evident that I am not a big fan of Mr. Bush. Many of my posts take issue with his politics, policies and beliefs as well as inconsistencies in his thinking and his actions. This being the 4th of July weekend, however, I thought it only fitting that I found something nice to say about our President. My revelations are not so much because I care so much about what anyone else thinks about me and my beliefs, but because I am of the opinion that when I am positive and kind, ultimately it makes me feel better.

For the most part, I think Mr. Bush comes across as a fairly likeable person. His homespun use of the English language and his ability to put humor into his Presidency is received well by many. I also think that George W. is truly a wonderful and devoted husband, and for this, he has my absolute admiration. But most of all what I truly admire him for is the warm, kind and devotion that he shows to his two dogs. Do you remember after 9/11 how he wanted to make sure his beloved animals were safe and not in harms way? Even more significant is the fact that Mr. Bush sleeps with his dogs in his bedroom, kisses them on their heads, and the best of all possible features, allows them to travel with him on Air Force One! Now that is something. If the truth be told, I have wild fantasies about taking my beloved Astro on an airplane, accompanying me on a trip to Paris! As a side note, my own husband would not even kiss my beloved Astro on the head, so kudos to you George W.

So, when you are going to sleep tonight, being kind to Laura, and kissing your beloved dogs goodnight, know that I will be thinking kind thoughts about you, George.

Thank you for your minds.

Sandra Day O'Conner Steps Down From US Supreme Court

As I am doing my own research for my cases next week, I have been hit with this stunning news: Sandra Day O'Conner first woman to be appointed to the United States Supreme Court steps down:http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/SupremeCourt/

For me, this news has hit me like a brick, with dramatic consequences. As a woman, and somewhat of a moderate, more often than not supplying the breaking swing vote, Justice O-Conner was truly an asset for the court and a championing for women as a role model and for their rights as human beings.

As we approach this 4th of July, her absence rings a loud and raucous bell in my mind as to what this means as a seat on the highest court of the land becomes vacant. With much speculation that Justice Rhinquest will retire, the composition of the court is definitely likely to change and so will all the rights and freedoms that we, as Americans enjoy today, especially women, homosexuals and people of different ethnic groups.

With this news, my sense of freedom, and its possible impact and consequence takes on new, unanticipated meaning. This is indeed a most depressing day.

Thank you for your minds.