Personal Reflections on the Year 2005

For most people, 2005 marks a year where mother nature reared her ugly head resulting in devistation and disaster. There was the Tsunami, which started at the end of 2004, but continued to devastate the world well into 2005, the hurricanes from Katrina and Rita, destroying areas of the gulf coast and lives and homes of so many, and the tragic earthquake in Pakistan, just to name a few.

On the political front we saw more than 2,000 Americans die in the war on Iraq, many Iraqis themselves killed, and innocent people the victims of suicide bombings. We witnessed the painful, but necessary, disengagement in Israel, often pitting one group of Jew against another. We also saw Mr. Bush sprend his wings, in the wrong direction, I might add, and saw his administration take a downward spiral from the latest NSA bugging incidents, to Carl Rove and his role in the CIA leaks, to Donald Rumsfeld and his handling of the Iraq war, Dick Cheney's absence on the scene of Katrina for more than twelve days, to the picking of Harriet Mier for a U.S. Supreme Court Justice, (and having her withdraw her nomination), the indictments of Tom Delay, and the country polarized, and in some ways reaching above the limits of the U.S. Constitution in reaction to the Terri Schiavo case. Let us not forget how the price of gas nearly tripled around September, and after two hurricanes, began a strange downward trend.

The Pope died, and many individuals were deeply afffected, Michael Jackson was found not guilty, Scott Peterson was convicted of murder and sentenced to death. We lost the beloved attorney Johnny Cochran, Johnny Carson, and Peter Jennings, and Rosa Parks, just to name a few.

This year was a difficult one for the country and the world, it seems. On a personal level, the year 2005 was probably one of the most painful, and challenging years for me, beginning with the death of my father, the illness and hospitalization of my daughter, and the on-going illness of my dear cousin. I also found out last week that my dear friend has cancer too.

There were some highlights from the year, and as someone who more often than not sees the glass half full rather than empty, mention should be made of these events as well. As all of you who are reading this know, I started my blog. It has been a wonderful experience to reach across the state and the globe and interact and meet some truly wonderful men and women. That being said, just as in real life, I have encountered some mean and insulting people in blogsville as well. Blogsville has also allowed me to learn more about Jews from all over the state. Some of those who are the most pious, and observant, can also be the most devious and mistrusting. Thankfully, there are only a handful of these, but until I began blogging, I always felt that the frum Jews were the most righteous. This opinion has changed today.Now, I see some of them, particularly men, to be fractured and crushed souls. That being said, I have met some great Orthodox women, and some wonderful men as well, who have kept me interested in Torah and the Talmud. One women, whom I have never met, kept my eyes lighted up with emails every day, and bestowed upon me the gift of some books from the Talmud.

Other noteworthy moments of 2005, were that my son graduated from college, and is now independent, and there is one less college tuition due at this time. I am starting a new job, (started two days last week) where I used to work, and I have made some wonderful friends both here and through other internet sites as well as support groups that I attend. I also started writing a book. The generosity and kindness of so many has been proven by Americans when we saw their reaction to Katrina and its aftermath.

Mostly, I have learned to stay in the moment, which is a true gift, to relish, cherish and live each day as it comes in the best way that is possible, always being grateful for what one has. Doing good deeds for others helps one become humble, and the focus of self shifts to the that of helping another individual. Moreover, I have continued my volunteer work for some Jewish organizations, and writing book reviews for two separate publications now.

It is without regret that I look back at 2005 and say goodbye, and let it go absolutely.

May it be God's will that 2006 brings about union rather than division, good health for all, and peace here in America, across the globe, and in Israel.

Thank you for your minds.

Hanukah & Hope

"When our sense of hope and change darkens, we think ourselves helpless; but then as we light the candles we remember the Maccabees and the Rabbis, who faced a power much greater than their own."


Rabbi Shefa Gold

Thank you for your minds.

A Comic Gem: Time to Laugh, Time to Laugh, Time to Laugh!

Women on the Verge of thinking is going to be funny and share with you this hysterical political version of the twelve days of whismass!

http://www.markfiore.com/animation/twelve.html

Enjoy and please, laugh.

Thank you for your minds.

New Year and Resolutions

Most of us associate a new year with a chance for a new beginning. We have the opportunity to take stock, and decide what we can do differently to change our lives or make them more meaningful. As Jews, this exercise usually occurs in late September, or early October, when we celebrate Rosh Hashana and enter into the Days of Awe and Yom Kipper.

For me, making resolutions can be a daily process, as I look at my own behavior and take stock of what needs to be done, or undone. To me, this kind of inventory taking is a daily process, where I look at myself, rather than the other person, and try to make changes in my behavior. There is no peace until I accept others for who they are, whether I like what they do or say. Ultimately, I have a choice whether to associate with these particular individuals, but to try and change them, rather then me, is futile.

Today, I resolve to be more patient. Being impatient is probably one of my worse flaws of character, and it is difficult for me to wait and allow life to unfold as it is supposed to in God's time rather than my own time. Specifically, I have learned this with my daughter being ill, wanting a quick recovery to occur in my time on my terms. This is not how life works, and often by being impatient, I fail to appreciate the small steps and progress as it is before me at this very instant. Too much time is spent looking at the future, how I think something should be rather than appreciate it as it is in the moment.

There are more resolutions I have such as bitting my tongue more instead of speaking what is on my mind so quickly and being a good worker at my new job, which resumes January 3rd.

Here is the question of the day: What are some of your resolutions for the moment and the year to come?

Thank you for your minds.

A Poetic Moment

Another race, hath been, and other palms are won.
Thanks to the human heart by which we live,
Thanks to its tenderness, its joys and fears,
To me the meanest flower that blows can give
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.

William Wordsworth,
" Intimations of Immortality"

A Personal Hanukah Message for 2005

Hanukah, unlike other holidays for Jews, is not one mandated by the Torah. It is a time for family, celebration, and light as we recall the days of past and the Story of Hanukah and the oil for lighting the menorah.

This year, Hanukah is quite different for our family.When the children were young, I used to go into their classrooms each and every year and give a talk about Hanukah. I would read a book, light the menorah, and speak about its meaning. We would also gather together as a family, as well as with friends. This year, Hanukah is not the same. Our son is in Hawaii, some relatives have been ill, some are gone, and others are scattered across the globe, busy with their own lifes. If I had to sum up the meaning of Hanukah this year for me it would be one word: lonely.

Judaism is a religion of community. For example, it takes a certain number of individuals (some say only men) ,to make up a minyan and pray together. It is all about togetherness, friends, family and even strangers.

For some reason, having lost my father, my son being gone, and my daughter still recovering from her illness, Hanukah feels like a time when we are alone today. Nevertheless, I still light the menorah, (this year, I am lighting two to bring as much light as possible inside the house), make the latkes, and even play the dreidal game alone, or with my husband and daughter if they find the interest.

When we feel alone, it is truly the case that we must find comfort and peace in God, which is something in my heart and soul each and every day. Nevertheless, having a community and a few people around would be a nice, joyful and kind touch as well.

Hanukah is not an unhappy time. It is a joy to see the candles lit each and every night, and to think about the story of the oil and its meaning. I too have much to be thankful for this time of year including the fact that my daughter being home, for my husband here, my new job, which resumes in January, and other good in my life. It just feels lonely.

Wishing everyone a healthy and a happy Hanukah.

Thank you for your minds.

We all Have Our Vices

Each one of us surely has one type of vice or another. Some of us smoke, drink, gamble, watch pornography, are unfaithful to our spouses, spend too much time on the computer, blogging. My favorite vice, I must confess, is usually fostered on December 26th each and every year, but with the age of the internet, I am able to indulge in this unbridled passion, without exercising even a molucue of control on the 25th of December. That vice is shopping.

I love to shop, and more often than not spend more than can be afforded. My passions range from make-up, to perfumes, to clothing, and purses. Now that I am going back into the public work force, my justification for spending as much as I have on the internet is made, and yesterday, it seemed as if there was no end in stopping me. I went to saks.com, neimanmarcus.com, burberry.com, bergdorfgoodman.com and j.crew.com and racked up a bill that would make my husband's blood boil. What can I say: I am addicted to shopping and have very little control in this area. I also am addicted to reading, but this indulgence does not nearly have such a high cost. That being said, I do not smoke, drink, gamble, cheat, or engage in other activities, which may constitute a vice, except for maybe blogging.

Here is the question of the day: What are your vices? Do you think or try to give them up at any time? For me, I do not plan to give up shopping nor, and know it is a lost cause to make any effort to do so.

For those who celebrate, wishing each and every one of you a meaningful and Happy 2nd day of Hanukah.

Thank you for your minds.

Opening Up Our Heart For the Holidays

As most people around the world get ready to celebrate their respective holidays beginning this weekend, and extending into next week, many will have the opportunity to gather together with family and friends to enjoy the festivities. Often it is heard that the holidays are a difficult time for many people. Why is this so? Is it the stress involved in putting everything together, the expectations that we have from others that may not be met, for whatever the reasons, the inability to give because of financial and/or emotional constraints?

This morning, I received an email reminding me of Scrooge in Dicken's The Christmas Carol. For this man, the world was a difficult and cruel place to live, primarily because he became so self-centered around the goal of making money and consequently cut himself off from others in his family, in his employment and in his neighborhood. It ws only when he was able to open up his heart to others, was his own compasion able to be felt.

Yesterday, I learned a valuable lesson about expectations, and what it means to open up one's heart. As many of you know, this has been a difficult year personally for our family, in many ways, mostly because of the illness of my daughter. I decided to send out one of those letters about how everyone is doing, the one that usually contains all the good, news, highlights our accomplishiments and achievements of our children, our loved ones and our spouses. Instead, the letter I sent out was one describing all the hardships we have been experiencing as a family, and how painful this year has been for our family, highlighting how disappointing it was for some people to stay silent and not call to see how we are doing.

This morning, when I woke up, I realized, that my letter was inappropriate. Not because our pain was any less real, but because I had certain expectations about how people should be, what they should say and how they should behave during these times that were not being met. It was inside that empty space of failed expectations where the pain was felt and began to grow. It we truly expect nothing from others, we learn to keep a quiet mind and peaceful heart.

Today, as many get ready for Christmas, and tomorrow, as we begin to think about Hanukah and how the light on the Menorahs can bring light inside of us, let us remember that it is not just gifts that we open, but true giving involves the opening of our hearts to those around us.

Not knowing whether our daughter would be home for Hanukah, and starting a new job, I was unable to go out and buy gifts this year. Instead, when I saw someone who needed something on the streets, I gave them food, bought them coffee, helped with change. This time of year was also used as a time to give to donations to organizations that I truly believe in helping.

So many of you on this blog, as well as family and friends, have truly opened up your hearts to me, and my family, that this type of gift is most defiinitely the one to be cherished of the season.

As we open up our light the candles on the Menorah, open up our gifts, let us remember to keep our hearts open to those around us. As the Dalai Lama says, "Do what you will with another person; but never put them out of your heart.

God Bless you, and I send all good wishes for all of you for the Holiday season.

Thank you for your minds.

The Eclipsing of the Holidays in 2005

As many of you who celebrate Christmas are winding down this festive day of meaning and celebration, we Jews, at sundown, will begin to celebrate Hanukah. Symbolized by the lighting of the menorah, eating potato latkes, spinning dreidls and gelt (money), our holiday will overlap Christmas this year and proceed into the year 2006.

What has been so extraordinary, and meaningful to me, is finding everyone of you in blogsville, and celebrate your holidays with you. I live in a neighborhood where there may be six Jewish families, and two of them celebrate both Hanukah and Christmas. It has always felt a bit lonely around the holidays, mainly because most of our families are in New York, Florida, North Carolina, Georgia or reside at the other end of California. The closest "Jewish neighborhood" is approximately l hour away from here. In fact, those donuts that everyone eats at Hanukah are not available anywhere near where I live, and it would mean traveling more than 50 miles to get them. That being said, the beauty of blogsville, is that I can reach across the globe, to Israel, New York, or other areas and celebrate with all of you in a very meaningful way.

This Hanukah, we have the blessing of having our daughter home with us. At the same time, our son lives in Hawaii now and will not be here to celebrate. That being said, I too utilize the equipment of modern technology and celebrate with him as well, even though he is not physically here with us.

Personally, although Hanukah begins late this year, I like the fact that the first day eclipses Christmas day, which is one where we usually go out to the movies, or eat Chinese food. This year, we will be preparing for our own celebration and festival to begin. Lighting the menorah, and candles in general, are a symbol of brightness, joy, strength and hope.

It is my fervent wish that each and everyone of you, whether you celebrate Hanukah, Christmas, Kwanza, or something entirely different have a holiday filled with many blessings, goodwill, and joy.

Thank you for your minds.

Tagged (This is a Great list by MBR) & An Update on Life Today

A. Seven things to do before I die1. )
1. Drive a taxi cab in NYC
2. Conduct a symphony orchestra
3. Visit Israel
4. See grandchildren (God willing)
5. See a cure for cancer and mental illness
6. Swim (maybe nude) inside a grotto in a remote village in Italy
7. Publish my book

B. Seven things I cannot do:
1. Load the diswasher properly
2. Wash floors
3. Post pictures on my blog
4. Fix my car or any machine for that matter
5. Add properly, even using a calculator
6. Endorse the acts, including but not limited to the war, wiretapping, Donald Rumsfeld, response to Katrina, or just about anything done or said by George W. Bush.
7. Draw

C. Seven things that attract me to (...)(the opposite sex, that's easiest)
l. A good mind
2. A kind heart
3. A sense of religion or spirituality
4. Nice eyes
5. Someone who loves to argue politics
6. Musical and/or literary talents

D. Seven things I say most :
1. Off with the penis!
2. No way!
3. Are you kidding?
4. I still cannot believe that Bush is our President
5. Hi Doll (addressing my dog)
6. How does Bush keep getting away with everything?

.E. Seven books I have read or would like to read (number 6 is a would like to read completely)
l. The Trial by Kafka
2. The Magician of Lublin by Isaac Bashavis Singer (or anything by singer)
3. Anything by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
4. Anything about the Holocaust
5. Crime and Punishment
6. The Talmud
7. The Year of Magical Thinking

F. Seven Movies that I would watch over and over
1. The Thorn Birds (this will shock many...I love this movie)
2. The Color Purple
3. The Pianist
4. Midnight Cowboy
5. Strangers on a Train
6. From Here to Eternity
7. Airbud (love golden retriever movies)

The work week was a short one. Today, court stops until January 3, 2006. It was actually good to be back in court. I saw many people whom I had missed. Something my readers here do not know about me, is that I have a very sick sense of humor. There are two men I worked with, one an attorney (he is half black and half Japenese) and could always tell a story that would leave me laughing histerically (and I have the same affect on him) and second, a court clerk, who has the sickest sense of humor. He looks like Mr. Clean (bald head) but used to have me laughing over the most sillest kinds of things. Sadly, I found out he had cancer, and he is making light of that. I told him when I was driving home that I was crying, and he said, you are crying for having to drive in all that traffic, I know you!

I truly missed working with people, and being more hands on in my legal profession. I will look forward to the new year, with new beginnings, and hope that these events are an indication of some good changes to comes. Also, and most importantly, my daughter is improving slowly, and heading in the right direction. It will be glorious to spend these next few days with her.

Thank you for your minds.

How do we Give During This Season & What Does it Mean to You?

It seems as if my post below about Bush generated much interest and attention. Since I have gone back to court (today was my first morning) and I argue for a living now, I will let that post lie, and the events, as they are will unfold with surely more to be revealed.

My daughter is home now with us, for the time being, which is truly the very best Hanukkah gift of the season. I am delighted to have her here with us, at least for today.

My daughter's illness, and many events that have happened during this year have given me pause to question what is the meaning of giving, at least from a personal standpoint. Certainly, it is the case, that I give and/or exchange gifts with others during the holidays, but to me, at this moment, the message of giving has taken on a deeper meaning. For example, while I was in the hospital, there was a gentleman in another room, a Jew, whose kippah was destroyed. I brought him a kippah, and gave him a siddur (prayerbook) that was given to me, to help him through his difficult moments. Another way I have been giving this holiday season, is to stop and buy food for those I see who are homeless, or in need. I also have bought hot milk and coffee as well.

These examples are not meant to boast, nor to illustrate how good deeds may or may not be done, but to show how the nature of giving during this season can take on an entirely new meaning, with those who are complete strangers reaping the benefits and small gifts of ourselves to one another. It is the case, that prior to the hardships coming in my own life, my own sense of giving was more material to those I knew rather than being of this nature.

Thank you for your minds.

Does George W. Bush Think He is Above the Law?

Women on the verge of thinking must end the year with yet another long awaited, and provocative, post regarding our commander in chief, George W. Bush. Many of you have been so kind to send your good wishes to our family and as you can see below, there are changes to take place in our home. Nevertheless, I want to comment on something that I find to be of great interest in the political front.

Yesterday, The New York Times, and today, CNN, broke the story that Mr. Bush had authorized eavesdropping on hundreds of Americans after the September 11th attacks without getting proper court approval. This report, which has now been confirmed by Bush himself, illustrates how a highly classified program of monotoring communications between Americans here and other individuals over-seas were being spied upon if suspected of having terrorist ties in some way or another. The program was run by the NSA (National Security Agency) and was approved by Bush, who justifies his acts as being necessary to protect our country.

What is so staggering to me, is that this President has consistently felt that he does not need to comply with proper legal channels when he sets his mind to do something. Remember the Terry Schivo case, and how he basically high jacked Congress into creating a special law, or his desire to amend the Constitution to define marriage between a man and woman only? We will not even go into the faulty intelligence upon which he now admits he relied upon to invade Iraq. Moreover, I read in the Jewish Journal that Bush had made unilateral concessions to Teheran, whose President publicly proclaims that Israel should be wiped off the map.

Bush uses the same retoric that he has an interest in preventing terrorist attacks and protecting Americans. That may be the case (although I truly take issue with this as well, since the 911 commission gave homeland security an F), but must not appropriate legal channels be approved or does Bush think he is above the law?

This President has gotten away with so much, and nothing has been done. Is his attempt to spy on other Americans another Watergate? Why is it not the case that impeachment proceedings, and investigations are being conducted against him.

What is it going to take for the government in this country to take action and say, enough is enough!

Thank you for your minds.

Good News Comes in Twos At Least for Today.

Women on the verge of thinking has some good news for today. First of all, my daughter is coming along well, and will be coming home to stay with us here for awhile within the next few days. It will be so wonderful to get her home here, at least until she is able to recover to be on her own once again. I can hardly wait to have her here, home with us.

Second good news. I am going back to work in the courts. I love being a trial attorney, and this two year hiatus has been good for me, and I have surely grown as a person. My field of specialty is child abuse, and it is an area that I know well, and find rewarding. Although challenging, it is a field where lives can and are affected, and changes can be made. At first, it will start out very part time, maybe one or two days a week, at least for 6 months, and then it will build up to full time more likely than not. With all the medical expenses incurred, (insurance is not 100 percent), we need the money.

That being said, I will not be able to devote that much time to this blog anymore. The new job begins this Tuesday, December 20th. I will post when it is possible, and will read all of your blogs as I can, but if it seems that I am absent more than present, you will all know why.

That being said, I am smiling today. The sun is shining, and I have much for which I thank God, and am truly grateful.

Thank you for your minds.

What Issues Push Your Buttons?

As many can see from reading my blog, there are many causes and issues in this world that I feel passionate about. My passion, however, is linked with advocacy, and more often than not, I find myself writing letters, making telephone calls, sending emails or taking some type of action whether extreme or lightweight to address these issues.

For example, many of you know that I am a strong advocate and fight for stigma against mental illness. I also am a great supporter of Israel, gay rights, and many other political causes. Certain issues really do push my buttons. George Bush pushes my buttons, and as many know, my dislike of this man and his administration has occupied more than one too many posts on my blog. Now, I think his own walls are tumbling down by his actions, and those in our country have become less supportive of him and his administration, which is clearly demonstrated by his low approval ratings.

Yesterday, a letter appeared in my email which really pushed a button. It was from the ADL (Anti-Defamation League) The letter basically outlined how Iran's new President believes that the state of Israel should be wiped off the map, and claims to deny the Holocaust:
http://support.adl.org/site/MessageViewer?em_id=5581.0&dlv_id=8161&JServSessionIdr005
=h92zx5tzz4.app2b

I became clearly upset when I read this letter, and as you can see from its contents, the position that this man takes is dangerous and disturbing. Consequently, I sent a letter to Kofi Ahnan and to others representing our government.

We all have issues that push our buttons. Here is the question of the day: Whether you take action or not, what are some of the issues that push your buttons? They can range from global warming, to right wing conservatives, to liberals, to women's rights, and on and on?

Thank you for your minds.

Do I Really Give Up Control?

These past months, and especially these past couple of days have been very difficult. Life is not going the way I had planned it to be, and all is not turning out as I want. Surely, everyone has had this experience at one time or another in his/her life. No one can claim to be satisfied with each and every moment of our experiences and their results.

The question for me, however, is that do I really give up control, or continue to fight and flap around like a fish who is left inside a pool without water? I just really get pissed off when things do not turn out the way I plan!

For me, it is difficult to give up control. To put it bluntly, I get very pissed off when things do not turn out as I plan. Control can be an attempt to manipulate people, places or things, and have the outcome be as we desire. At least this is the case for me most of the time. For me, I can control a situation by having lots of information as well, feeling that this makes me powerful, and allows me to somehow direct a particular outcome to occur. Sometimes this does happen, and when it does, it is joyful. But what about those times when we do everything possible, and something does not turn out the way we want it to be? What are we missing, and is it really about achieving the results we want?

For me, when I let go completely, and know that I am not in charge of the world, its outcomes and results, but put my trust in God, then everything happens as it is supposed to be, whether I like the outcome or agree with the result, or am happy. To trust that I must give up control, and let go is something that I must remind myself to do each and every day, especially during the difficult times. These days, I am having a bit of trouble letting go.

Here is the question of the day: How do you let go and stop trying to control the outcome?

Thank you for your minds.

A Public Thank You Very Much!

Today, I received a rather heavy package from the UPS. There was a name on it that was unrecognizable to me from New York. We have family in Queens, Brooklyn and the city, but this name did not ring any kind of a bell.

I opened up the box, and saw three heavy books. There were three editions of the Talmud, hard bound, of a particular tractate that has been of interest to me. There was not a card, but a phone number. I figured out who this was once the call was made.

This is not from a woman who posts on my blog, but she reads it, and each and every day, during the difficult times that I have been experiencing, has managed, with her own job and family to send me a bright, cheerful card, to say, I am thinking about you, and to ask how my family is doing, to wish me a good Shabbos, and say kind words. I have never met her, and most of you would not know of her, since she does not post, but I want to acknowledge her publically.

Let me say thank you for this beautiful gift. Your emails, kind words, and thoughts have brightened up my mornings each and every day. Now, I have something else beautiful to think about you when I read these sacred words that you have bestowed upon me.

God Bless you and know that your kind mitzvots have made a true difference, and have added rich meaning in my life each and every day.

Did I Really Say That?

Certainty, most, if not all of us, can recall times in our lives when we have said something that we later regret, or feel as if we could take back. If only those words had not been said, we utter, or what was I thinking when I made that kind of lame comment, or asked that personal question?

Last night, I was talking on the telephone with my son, who is 22 and living and working in Hawaii now. He knows that these past couple of weeks have been difficult for me, and since he is used to talking with a mother who seems to be of help, and is a positive person who puts most things in life together, instead of tearing them apart, or comes up answerless, he has not been speaking to me that often, preferring the conversation of my husband instead.

Last night, he was headed to his holiday party at work when I called him on the telephone. I asked him how his day was, we chatted for a moment, and then I asked the question that should not have been asked? "Son, do you think you are going to be getting married soon?" First there was silence, then I heard a voice that seemed strange to me, emphatically say, "No." Well, that did not stop me from continuing with my questions, and I started, what my husband calls, 'the speech,' how important it is to find a Jew to marry, and how I wish he would have children in the very near future. Before I knew it, he politely said, "you know, I really have to go now." I said, but let us talk a few minutes more, and he said, "no, I have to go. Talk to you later." It seems as if I have turned into my grandmother, is my conclusion! At that point, I knew, I had crossed the line of no-return. My husband was chanting "I told you not to talk to him about that issue in the background." Actually, as much as do not wish to admit it, I think my husband was completely right.

Here is the question of the day: What have you said to someone close to you, or not so close, that you have later regretted saying?

Thank you for your minds.

2005: The Year the World Shrank

For many of us, myself included, this year has been personally difficult and painful. Others have disclosed to me many personal changes as well, including loses in the form of death, illness, separation, divorce, and friendship as well.

This year has also been one of much global tragedy, framed by disasters beginning with a horrifying tsunami that swept across South Asia, (at the end of 2004), and ending with a series of deadly hurricanes that destroyed parts of New Orleans, Mississippi and much of the gulf coast, and other damage claimed areas of south Florida. It seems as if these natural disasters started big, and became even larger than life when a devastating earthquake rocked Pakistan and killed almost 100,000 people last month, shrinking our world by even larger proportions. We also saw the sad lost of more than 2,000 American lives from the Iraq war. The disengagement that occurred in Israel resulted in the re-location of many Jews, some of whom still remain without a permanent home to call their own.

The world was not the only shrinkable commodity this year. We saw our money disappear in great proportion as the price of gas hit almost $3.00 per gallon (odd, that it is now closer to $2.00 per gallon, but another subject for blogging), heating prices rising, and food costs souring as well.

In the mist of this shrinking world, we also saw an unsual kind of growth. Individual good will, surfaced, resulting in many Americans opening their homes and pocketbooks to help those in need who in some way suffered from these devastating losses. Others displayed heroism in the face of these disasters, risking their lives to provide relief work, and help those rebuild their homes and communities as well.

On a personal note, I have found much support and strength through the company of others, some of whom I have just met, as circumstances beyond our control threw us together inside a murky pool, where we all swam, and instead of drowning, threw each other life rafts to keep us afloat. Moreover, many who have read this blog have been so supportive, concerned, and loving, that a window with fresh air has opened when it seemed as if all the doors were closing.

It seems important, at least for me, to be mindful, how, in the mist of disaster, all the good deeds, the kind and self-less acts and generosity of others come together to make this word an even bigger and better place.

Thank you for your minds.

Time is For a Changing

The other day, I decided that I wanted to make a major change inside my home. My office, which holds all of my books, as well as file cabinets for my legal work, is downstairs, and I decided to move everything upstairs. As part of the moving process, I have been going through all of my books, which number more than 1,000, sorting, organizing and displaying them in a manner that is pleasing to me. For example, my favorite authors books are all together, such as those by Bashavis-Singer, Garcia-Marquez, Nabokov, Kundera. There are also two shelves of books that I own just on the Holocaust. (two shelves, double stacked) My son promises to take these books when I expire, and pass them on to his children, with the hope that each generation will do the same. It is essential that my family truly, never forget.

There were some items that I kept, such as family pictures, art projects from my children, when they were younger, and other mementos such as chips, pens, posters, and a barely recognizable picture of myself from my 20th high school reunion wearing a size 2 Thierry Mugler designer outfit, with a crystal belt cinched at the waist.

As I have been rummaging through papers, there are also various writings of mine from college, along with newspaper articles, poetry, CDs, audio tapes, notebooks, and other tokens that remind me of my past. Ripped up were cards, letters, poems, writings, all insignificant. Throwing them away was cathartic, since they are no longer important to me today. Some had special meaning, at one time, and the poetry, and writings of mine, were 'me' from another era, a time when certain people, places and things seemed so important and eminent, and are no longerof value. I even found myself crushing and stomping on a few CDs that lacked meaning and value to my life today.

When I finished with all of this cleaning, I felt oddly cleansed, as if there was a new beginning looming somewhere out there for me to experience, to start anew, so that those empty drawers can be filled with new items that today will be meaningful.

Thank you for your minds.

Man Killed in Airline Threat suffered from Mental Illness

Surely most of you have read by now, the episode that took place yesterday aboard an airplane at Miami International Airport. A man, who was on board, was sitting in the back of the plane. He started shouting that he had a bomb. There were two air marshals on board the airliner. The man proceeded to run towards the front of the airplane, which was still grounded and the marshals told him to stop. Apparently, the man did not stop, but continued to run and exited the plane and he was shot and killed. His wife, who was sitting at the back of the airplane said that her husband suffered from bi-polar disorder and had not taken his medication. After he was killed, it was confirmed that there were no explosives nor bombs on him nor inside his luggage. Of course, if the passangers were threatened in any way, some type of action should have been taken by these marshals, but did they go too far, under these circumstances, with a plane grounded, and a man screeming, who existed the airplane under the circumstances? It is the case that the air marshals had to act quickly, but was their use of deadly force justified under the circumstances?

It is the policy of the airlines, that anytime someone threatens the passengers, the crew or themselves, they can use their weapon. But did these air marshals act appropriately in light of the circumstances? Did they stop to consider how this man could have boarded an aircraft with a bomb without it being detected? Did they stop and entertain the idea, even for a moment, that the man may have been psychotic, suffering from a delusion? If they felt he needed to be stopped, why did they not just shoot him in the foot? Why did he have to be killed on the spot? Are fire marshals trained, or have information on how to deal with individuals who experience delusions?

Many of you know that I am a strong passionate advocate of those who suffer from mental illness. I am troubled and disturbed by this incident, and hope that it is investigated completely.

Thank you for your minds.

It is truly the Case That We Are Not Given More Than We Can Handle?

Often one hears, that we are not given more than we can handle at any one time. We are told to believe that what happens in and to our lives is what is supposed to be, and that according to God, He does not expect more of any individual than he/she can produce or manage at any given time. Along with the joys of life come difficulties, and pain, which help us grow and become more aware of what we need to do, the resources we need to tap into, or the people we may rely on the allow us strength and courage to handle life as it is, each and every day.

This has been personally a difficult and challenging week for me, and often the tasks that I am asked to face have been met with a painful heart and a troubled mind. I accept the fact that my daughter is ill, and this is my burden to bear. Yesterday, I found myself sitting inside of a shul, alone, crying, questioning, praying and wondering why life is as it exists now, and whether what is being experienced is supposed to test my own strength for what I can handle. After sitting there long enough, a quiet moment came, and I was able to leave without the tears.

Here is the question of the day: Do you think that we are not given more than we can handle? How do you deal and manage with difficult and painful moments, and what helps you walk through these challenges when necessary? Do you remember that movie, The Upside of Anger? Is there an upside to pain?

On a positive note, I am writing a book, which is long overdue, which gives me pleasure, and will allow me to share some of my personal experiences with others.

Thank you for your minds.

Rachmaninoff & His Second Piano Concerto

This is my three hundreth post, and as such it will be a special one, for a special person with a neverending vision of hope

For more than 30 years now, ever since I was young, I have had a ‘love affair' with the music of the Russian composer Sergei Rachmaninoff. Born in Russia in 1873, Rachmaninoff moved to America, and died in Beverly Hills on March 28, 1943. While I was in college, I mustered up the courage to go to the home where he spent his final days, as homage to this grand master of music. His music occupies a very special place inside my heart, and continues to speak to me in a very personal manner.

Known for his romanticism, sensuality, and dramatic flair, Rachmaninoff was said to be a composer who wrote from the heart, rather than the head. Personally, my feelings are that he was a brilliant orchestrator, and many of his compositions are filled with rich color, texture and beauty as well.

His Piano Concerto No 2 is still today considered one of his most popular works. The concerto opens with a series of dramatic chords from the soloist, is developed to include a great dynamic climax and returns to a state of calm. There is a line from the breathless Marilyn Monroe in the movie, The Seven Year Itch, where she is listening to this piece, and proclaims, “Every time I hear this piece, I go to pieces.” Personally, I prefer Rachmaninoff’s Third Piano concerto for its complexity and richness, but I bring up this piece for a reason.

After Rachmaninoff’s First symphony was a failure, the composer sunk into a deep depression, like an apathetic condition, and he was unable to compose. He began to have daily treatments with the hypnotist Dr. Nikolai Dahl in January 1900. After these sessions, Rachmaninoff’s moods brightened, and his desire to compose was reawakened. After four months of therapy, he began working on his second concerto. For Rachmaninoff, Dr. Dahl’s hypnotherapy had been responsible for his recovery, and he dedicated this sensual piece of music to none other than Dr. Dahl himself.

I have heard Rachmaninoff’s Second Piano Concerto more than 500 times. One of my favorite recordings is the one with Rachmaninoff himself as soloist, which leaves me completely breathless. The other recording, I love, is with Arthur Rubenstein playing. Each time I hear something different, and there have been many occasions when I have been sitting inside a concert hall, and cannot move from my seat, since the beauty of this piece has reduced me to tears. Nevertheless, over these past few weeks, I have been listening to this concerto once again, and a new theme has emerged that has not been heard by me in the past: one of hope. Inside the lush strings, and the dramatic and rhapsodic melodies coming from the soloist, I hear Rachmaninoff emerge victoriously, as someone who was in a state of despair, which turned to one of promise and hope.

"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune, without the words, and never stops at all."
Emily Dickinson

It is with the beloved Rachmaninoff’s vision of hope that I begin this day, with the promise that everything and anything is possible.

Thank you for your minds.

Would You Join the Military in Your Country Today?

Thank you again for all your kind words about my daughter. We are undergoing a difficult time at the moment, but with her illness, there will be be some good days and some not so good days. Now we are in the not so good days. Nevertheless, I remain hopeful. Blogging actually helps me from becoming too consumed with my own pain, and gets me outside of myself.

Both my grandfather and father were veterans of the military. My grandfather was in the Army in WWI, and my father was in the Navy in WWII. I have great respect and admiration for those who join the military and believe in fighting for principles important to my country, America.

Today, however, joining the military under George W. Bush takes on an entirely different meaning, at least for me. Under Rumsfeld, Bush and Cheney, the fight to 'bring democracy to other countries' specifically Iraq, seems to be the mission under this administration. Personally, I see very little resources from the military as presently constituted spent towards keeping America safe. When Katrina struck and devastated the gulf coast, troops had to be brought back from Iraq to take care of business, here, in this country. I do believe in keeping our country safe from terrorists, but it does not appear that Iraq, as it exists today, is a treat to Americans, period.

That being said, I would not serve in our military today. Moreover, I would not want my children to serve, especially under this President, and the direction where he has taken the military. However, I would, in a heartbeat, go to serve the military in Israel, if I had to do so, and I would encourage my children to do the same, as I believe in fighting for the peace and security of the state of Israel.

Here is the question of the day: Would you serve in the military today under President George Bush? If so why, and if not, why not? Would you serve the military anywhere else in the world?

Thank our for your minds.

"Erasing" History

For an update, my daughter has had a minor set-back, and is not responding as well now to the new medications she has been given. Of course, this is heartbreaking for our family, but we continue to stay hopeful, although exhausted. Thank you for all your kind words, thoughts and prayers.

As indicated in my post below, I ran into an African American Woman at the Staples store who was Xeroxing a colored picture of Rosa Parks. When I asked her why she was Xeroxing it, she indicated that she wanted to send it to her grandsons so that they would know about the Civil Rights Movement, in case it was forgotten or diminished in some form in the future. My friend Nerdine:http://nerdineblog.blogspot.com/ (who has a beautiful and welcoming blog) also posted below how in Norway, she had been confronted with a seamier in which World War I and II were to be excluded from the new history books in her country. Such a decision was reconsidered, however, when protests from fellow country men and women exploded.

My husband believes that the Holocaust will at some point be forgotten in the future generations, as he asks me how many young people today truly know or understand what it was and means, as we see the subject matter take a back seat to other significant events, and survivors diminish each and every day. To me, this could not be possible, I tell him, as it was such a significant and important part of the history of cruelty in civilization. But who is to say, what historical facts will remain, for future generations to remember, and which shall be 'erased' or deminished in importance.

For me, to forget about the Holocaust or exclude it from textbooks would be horrific, like a criminal act. But I suppose for the Armenian, who also experienced genocide, and the Russians, or Ruwandians, such moments in history are equally important that they be preserved and remembered.

Here is the question of the day:Which event, past or present, would you feel most painful about if it were not preserved in a historical context and why? Do you believe that history will 'erase itself' by definition in the years to come?

Good Shabbos. Have a good weekend.

Thank you for your minds.

Do We Assume People Know the Meaning of Hanukkah?

My post below about whether Christmas has been stolen, actually has little, substantively to do with this post about Hanukkah, but there were a couple of events that happened today that made me ask whether others really understand the meaning of Hanukkah and its significance for Jews.

The first of such an event occurred when I was at Staples, Xeroxing and collating my briefs to be sent to court. An elderly woman, an African American, had a beautiful newspaper clipping of Rosa Parks that she was not to be color copied to send to her grandsons. We began to converse, and she indicated that she was fearful that her grandsons would not really understand the Civil Rights movement and wanted to educate them about it. I said that I understood, because I was a Jew, and was worried how significant the Holocaust would become to generations to follow. She looked at me and said, "Oh...I would not think you were a Jew." I said, why and she humbly confessed that she did not know much about the Jews, how they looked or about the religion.

The next stop was the post office to mail the briefs. While I was there, a Korean woman waited on me and asked if I needed any stamps. I said, yes, I would like the Hanukkah ones, with those shimmering dreidls spinning. She said, we do not have any of those, we did not get them. But we have the Christmas cookie ones. I told her I did not celebrate Christmas. She said, you do not celebrate Christmas, wow. What is this Hanukkah. At that point, I stood as still as a log, and said, it was a holiday celebrated by the Jewish people.

Sometimes I take it for granted that other people know about Hanukkah and its symbolism. Jews number about 10-14 million in the entire world. We are now a very small minority, less than those who live in Cuba. I remember when my children were growing up, and they went to public school, each year, I would take time off to explain Hanukkah to the class, hoping that they knew that there was an alternative, very dramatically different from Christmas. I would bring in the menorah, candles, and read a Hanukkah story, each year, until my children told me to stop at High School. It was enough already.

In my eyes, Hanukkah has not ever been an alternative to Christmas, since it is such a different holiday. Those Jews who grow up in insular communities, who are not exposed to Christmas may be shocked to see that many in the outside world do not even know what this holiday is about is more than lighting candles for 8 nights, eating latkes, exchanging gifts, and spinning dreidls. This post would be too long if it were explained in great length, but I will provide a link to an explanation of Hanukkah and what it means to us.http://www.everythingjewish.com/Hanukah/origins.htm

Personally, I do not celebrate Christmas, never have had a Christmas tree, and do not embrace this day as a meaningful celebration for our family. But I understand it, respect those who celebrate the holiday and think of it as one of the more meaningful ones in their religious life.

Do we sometimes live inside of our own glass bubbles, thinking that others know and understand about traditions, religions and customs different from our own? How open are we to learning, sharing and exploring the world beyond our own beliefs?

I do not think Hanukkah could 'ever be stole' as some think Christmas is being hijacked by changing names, salutations, and other symbols. For me, Hanukkah is about more than the outward displays of commercialism, and it truly about the story of the miricle of the oil lasting for eight days. Maybe, in our own ways, unknown to us, we destroy our own holidays by forgetting what they truly mean.

Thank you for your minds.