A Meditation on the Meaning of Change For The Year

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This is a time of year, this ten day period between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, when an individual is to take an honest look at him/herself and think about making some serious changes in one's behavior, and thinking and actions. Although this particular work week has been exhausting and difficult, I have made time (waking early each morning) to take stock of myself and see what needs to be changed for this year. We are told, in the prayer the unitanitokuv that although life is filled with difficulties and wondrous moments too, who shall live and who shall die, who shall be tranquil and who shall be troubled, it through repentance, prayer and just action can temper judgment's severe decree.

Is it enough to say that we do not like something about ourselves, repent, then continue with the same behavior nevertheless, but expecting a different result? Must our actions change first, with the hope that eventually our thoughts will follow in sequence? Are some acts easier to let go of than others?

For me, this week, the easiest element where I can change is through prayer. For example, I have been waking up (as early as 3:30 am) and begun to read the Siddur (prayerbook) that I have. Even ten minutes each morning is important, and shows that I am changing my actions.
There are big changes going on where I work now, and I have told myself that I would not gossip nor talk about them with others. Nevertheless, the temptation is great, and when sitting with my colleagues, talking about what is happening, even others, is difficult to avoid, and consequently there are moments when I become embroiled in slips of the tongue. What does this mean in terms of my desire to change, if I keep repeating the behavior once again, even though I vow not to do it anymore? Is my motive to eliminate a distasteful or disturbing act in and of itself enough to constitute change even though I still am unable to stop the acts themselves?

Change is not easy, as so many of us know. We all do and try our best, and some things are easier to part with than others, as we all know. But I truly believe, at least for myself, that an effectual change, means acting as well as thinking differently. How many of us say, at least for these ten days, that we will try to act differently, only to repeat the same unpleasant behavior in a week or two? How often do we make a promise to do or not do something, and eventually allow self interest to reign supreme, and revert back to the behavior that we find unpleasant within ourselves? Being unkind, unpleasant, selfish or even complacent when we see someone act in a way that is not so good or hurtful to others?

Yom Kippur is not an easy holiday. We must stand completely naked before God, and be honest, with ourselves and with the Almighty about who we are and what we do, and most importantly, what can be done differently in terms of our acts and our thoughts in the year to come. Let the vows that I make to myself be honored, as I change my thinking and my actions for this year.

I found this wonderful site with a life camera feed from the Kotel (Western Wall) from Israel. Last night, they showed a service, (September 30th.) which I saw from about 4:30 am, where there were so many people gathering and davening at the wall, shofars blowing, it was exhilirating and made me miss Jerusalem.

As I have been reading blogs, and other informational sites, I see those gathering, preparing themselves for Yom Kippur. There was an article talking about 'secular Jews.' It made me think, what is a secular Jew? Is it someone who is not completely Orthodox, following all the Commandments and/or laws? Is it someone who does not dress (men and women) according to the traditions of the ultra religious? Is it someone who prays daily, but does, does good deeds, participates in acts of loving kindness? Or is it someone who is only the complete opposite, a Jew by birth, but a non-believer in the Almighty? For me, what I love about my religion is that there are so many shades of gray in between, which can, unite us, rather than divide us, if looked at through the proper lenses.

Thank you for your minds.

Where Do You Stand Today About the War in Iraq?

For some of you bloggers, who have been around since the commencement of this blog in April 2005, you will know that I was opposed to the war in Iraq from the onset. Although I did not approve of Saddam Hussein, it was still my position that our country, the United States of America had no business being there since there were more problems closer to home that deserved attention.

Now almost two years later, over 2,500 Americans killed, countless others wounded, and thousands of Iraqis killed, and injured, and billions of dollars spent, I ask myself the question once again: do we have any business being in Iraq? Today, we know that Saddam had no WMD, and our presence inside of this country has actually, according to some theorists created more damage than good. If some of you have read the newspapers over the weekend, you can see it was reported that the situation inside of Iraq now is actually about 30 percent more likely to be a breeding ground to recruit terrorists than ever before. Moreover, in today's Los Angeles Times, the headlines read, 'Army Warms Rumsfeld It's Short Billions." What this means is that the Pentagon must increase its budget or reduce commitments in Iraq and elsewhere. As Americans, we are overextended financially in a war that is not our own.

So the questions become, why did we go? Why do we stay there? Who is to gain from our presence, and what is to be lost? Where do you stand today on the war in Iraq? Is it different from where you were two years ago? What needs to be done to restore some dignity to America, and how do we recover financially?

Thank you for your minds.

More Blessings Upon Which to End the Year

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As I wake up this morning here, in California, I am thinking of all the good blessings that have come our way this week, and feeling a sense of true gratitude, and awe to the Almighty. This year, unlike those of the past two, many blessings have come to pass as we are getting ready for 5767. As I said, my daughter graduated college, she will receive her diploma, and for today, is doing well, thank G-d. Also, today, I was offered a job, doing the same work I am at the moment, but converting to an employee, with a 30 percent increase in salary, and benefits and retirement. And of course, my husband and I were able to go to Israel.

Yesterday, my fortune began to reverse, and change in a dramatic way. Coincidently, a dear woman, whom I met on this blog, send me some sacred books, including a Siddur and a book titled, Visions of the Fathers by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski. Also, yesterday, I sent in a prayer and a small donation to a Yeshiva. Coincidence, one may ask, acts of faith, cemented and demonstrated in great blessings, to be certain, one cannot know for sure. But what moments of light that descended upon me today, which, are so great.

This past year has had its painful personal moments for myself, others, and of course, for the State of Israel. The war in Iraq has been a diasaster. The war between Israel and Lebanon cost the Jews so many lives and so much money, and there the soldiers are still in captivity, with no resolution in sight. The Palestinianans elected a goverment led by Hamas who chose not to recognize the state of Israel, and connect themselves with those who want to see the Jewish State destroyed. And of course, the world continues with its own hostility towards Israel too.

For a change, for myself, this year 5766 is to end a year on such a positive, special note. May the coming year be filled with many blessings for you all, and may your lives be filled with light, kindness and joy. May it also be G-d's will, that there be tranquility and peace in Israel, and that the soldiers, Gilad Shalit, Ehaud Goldwasser and Eldad Regev be safely returned to their homes, and to their families.

Thank you for your minds.

Reflections and Thoughts From the Past Year

It is hard to believe that Rosh Hashana is upon us once again. As a Jew, it is actually a wonderful experience to start the year over anew, especially during the fall, and once again in January. That being said, I would like to make some personal comments, and reflect upon the year that is passing (for those who do not know, we are about to enter 5667.)

Starting today, Friday, I can tell you that there is amazing news for this day. My daughter has graduated from college today, and earned her B.A. degree. Needless to say, I am so proud of her, as she preservered and plunged ahead to allow her to receive something that was very important to her, a good education and a college degree. Last year, she was ill, and had some health issues, and in spite of these, she still was able to attend school and graduate college. To say that I am happy would be an understatement. It is a great blessing to see her well today, and having reached her goals. Every day, I am thankful to G-d for the gift of good health.

Also, as many know, this year my husband and I were able to go to Israel, which turned out to be a life-changing experience. Although we were there during the war and the cease fire, being inside the Holyland, meeting and embracing the people, and experiencing Jerusalem first-hand was something that will remain imprinted on my mind for many years to come. Moreover, so many Israelis were delighted that we came to show our support and solidarity, which was so critical to them during those times of stress and chaos. I am happy to say that many of the people with whom I met are continuing to stay in contact with us, sending New Years's greetings, and salutations. What a great blessing as well.

Of course, there were disappointments, and failed expectations as well from last year, losses, including my dearest cousin Amy and my beloved dog, Astro, both of whom I think about so very often. Not to mention certain crises in the world, including the recent war in Israel, the on-going war in Iraq, resulting in so many needless deaths, and the heartwrentching situation in Dafur that continues. The list could go on and on, but stopping here is necessary for now.

What is so great is that we have the choice to make what we want with what comes to us in this life. We can dream, hope and aspire to have our expectations fulfilled, or we can take what we have and make the most out of it, depending upon our state of mind and our own perspective on life. That being said, I am grateful for the blessings that were bestowed upon me from last year, and know that it is possible for to continue to enjoy that which I have, because of my own outlook on life and response to it. Each of us has a choice to view the glass as half full, or half empty. Half full unleashes so many beautiful surprises each and every day.

That being said, I want to wish all of those who celebrate a Shana Tovah. May the new year be one of many blessings, good health, sweetness, and peace for Israel.

For those who read this blog, and do not celebrate the new year, my very best wishes and thoughts continue to be in your direction, and I hope that the year brings you good wishes, blessings and good health as well.

This week has been so very busy, and I have been in trial every day, and it continues into next week until Friday, when I am taking off work to prepare for Rosh Hashana. If I am unable to visit your blogs, it is not because I do not want to read what you have to say, but because time is, as the Rolling Stones would say, not on my side.

Thank you for your minds.

September 11, 2006: Where are We in the War on Terror?

Tomorrow, 9/11/06, marks the five year anniversary when our country was attacked by a terrorist group, Al Quida. Most of us will commerate this solemn day in our own way, and surely many bloggers will have posts, tributes and their own memories on the importance and impact of this day on them. But there is a larger question, at least for me, that looms in the background, as we approach this anniversary: Where are we today, as a nation, and around the world in combating the war on terror?

Bush will tell you, as many may have heard yesterday that we are indeed winning this war, for their have not been any more attacks on U.S. soil since that horrible day. But does this act alone constitute a victory? Have we won the battle, but are we yet to gain in the war? How do we explain many home-grown terrorist groups that have surfaced recently in Iraq, Hezbollah in Lebanon, and Hamas in Israel? What about the larger threat of Iran, and its development of nuclear weapons down the path? How about North Korea, can this country be excluded as a potential terrorist entity as well?

Since we invaded Iraq, this county has become its own training ground for fundamentalist Islamic extremists from the Middle East, whose goals are to destroy all that is Western, which includes, destroying Israel as well. Have we as a nation truly learned the lessons, and are we better prepared to face those who want to attack us today, 5 years later, or is there still much more work to be done? Do you feel that, it many ways, our world is a scarier place today, September 11, 2006, than it was 5 years ago? Why have the recommendations from the 9/11 Commission not been implemented? Has our leadership been effective, or has it failed in making Americans safer today?

As usual, my post asks more questions than it answers. That being said, these are some of the thoughts that circle inside my own brain today as we get ready to mark this anniversary.

All prayers and good thoughts are with those who have suffered, in one way or another from this tragic day in U.S. history. May the burdens of your hearts be lifted, as we, a nation, and us, a world begin to make some sense of those actions that took place on that terrible day.

As a side note, and one that I think about each and every day, my thoughts and prayers remain with the three Israeli soldiers who were taken more than two months ago, and it is my fervent wish that they will be returned safely to their homes.

Thank you for your minds.

What is it About September?

As the month of Elul has begun to descend upon us, and we examine ourselves, honestly in preparation for the New Year, so many thoughts surface, like a running stream that does not stop. And to make matters even more complex, September is beginning, a month that has not been too good to me for the last couple of years.

Over these past few days, it would be fair to say that I have been pre-occupied with some health related issues. Often consumed with worry, and propelled by fear, it is very easy to get myself into the worse case scenario involving any issue. Am I alone in this thinking? I doubt it, as from talking to others, being in the public, and reading your blogs, it is often the case that our heads take us to places and conclusions that have little, if any, basis in reality. As it is the case, more often than not what I think is not correct, thankfully.

Why is this the case, and what is it about one’s make-up that allows this to happen? Are some of us more inclined to jump to the wrong conclusion too quickly? It was not even 3 weeks ago when we made our daring trip to Israel, and although we were all right with the idea of leaving, even when the country was in the middle of a war, so many around us said that we should not go. Is it fear that gets in one’s way, or is it that we do not have enough faith in our Creator?

Going to Israel was not difficult, even during a war for me, but when it comes to some things, especially in the area of health, going to that dark, fearful place in a New York minute comes so quickly. For example, yesterday and today, I was so wound up, scared, thinking the worst, that I decided it was best to get outside of myself more. So what did I do? I prayed more, and tried to do more good deeds for others. In fact, I even offered to type the resume of one of my colleagues who is computer challenged. “How generous of you,” he remarked, when all the while it was me who I was thinking about, i.e., if I do something good, kind for this person, maybe good will come to pass for me as well. As it turns out, being kind did allow me to do something for another person, but it also got me outside of myself so that I was not consumed by fear. As it turns out, for today, this very moment, the health issue has subsided.

On a note: We are going to Houston, Texas for the long weekend for a wedding. I hope everyone has a meaningful Labor Day, and remember, to live each moment to the best of one’s ability. Hang on to those blessings, and remember them clearly, as it is the case that life, in all its glory and temperament, can indeed change in an instant.

Thank you for your minds.