Do I Really Give Up Control?
These past months, and especially these past couple of days have been very difficult. Life is not going the way I had planned it to be, and all is not turning out as I want. Surely, everyone has had this experience at one time or another in his/her life. No one can claim to be satisfied with each and every moment of our experiences and their results.
The question for me, however, is that do I really give up control, or continue to fight and flap around like a fish who is left inside a pool without water? I just really get pissed off when things do not turn out the way I plan!
For me, it is difficult to give up control. To put it bluntly, I get very pissed off when things do not turn out as I plan. Control can be an attempt to manipulate people, places or things, and have the outcome be as we desire. At least this is the case for me most of the time. For me, I can control a situation by having lots of information as well, feeling that this makes me powerful, and allows me to somehow direct a particular outcome to occur. Sometimes this does happen, and when it does, it is joyful. But what about those times when we do everything possible, and something does not turn out the way we want it to be? What are we missing, and is it really about achieving the results we want?
For me, when I let go completely, and know that I am not in charge of the world, its outcomes and results, but put my trust in God, then everything happens as it is supposed to be, whether I like the outcome or agree with the result, or am happy. To trust that I must give up control, and let go is something that I must remind myself to do each and every day, especially during the difficult times. These days, I am having a bit of trouble letting go.
Here is the question of the day: How do you let go and stop trying to control the outcome?
Thank you for your minds.
The question for me, however, is that do I really give up control, or continue to fight and flap around like a fish who is left inside a pool without water? I just really get pissed off when things do not turn out the way I plan!
For me, it is difficult to give up control. To put it bluntly, I get very pissed off when things do not turn out as I plan. Control can be an attempt to manipulate people, places or things, and have the outcome be as we desire. At least this is the case for me most of the time. For me, I can control a situation by having lots of information as well, feeling that this makes me powerful, and allows me to somehow direct a particular outcome to occur. Sometimes this does happen, and when it does, it is joyful. But what about those times when we do everything possible, and something does not turn out the way we want it to be? What are we missing, and is it really about achieving the results we want?
For me, when I let go completely, and know that I am not in charge of the world, its outcomes and results, but put my trust in God, then everything happens as it is supposed to be, whether I like the outcome or agree with the result, or am happy. To trust that I must give up control, and let go is something that I must remind myself to do each and every day, especially during the difficult times. These days, I am having a bit of trouble letting go.
Here is the question of the day: How do you let go and stop trying to control the outcome?
Thank you for your minds.
18 Comments:
Barbara, What are you doing up so early dear lady?
Many times we do all we can and then just turn it over to God for his grace. Whatever God's decision is we need to abide by and know that we did all we could "humanly" do. I know you are worried about your daughter and want to help her get better, but now it is God's turn to do his miracles. You many not get the answer you want, but God does know best and in the end, they will go his way. You have done more than your share... Good luck Barb.
You summed me up very well Barbara.
It's a day-to-day thing. You have to remind yourself over and over that some things are out of your control. Some days I win that battle, and some I don't.
I hope things are better TODAY. This day.
I don't follow religious concepts of letting go & letting God, as I am a secular Humanist. But, I do try to follow my human instincts in matters beyond my control.
For instance, A good philosophy of life is helpful.
'Do what you can & let go of what you can't control.'
Take the hard stuff I day at a time or one minute if you have to.'
I have lots of these maxims that I use to get me by. I store them in my brain.
I have learned to use whatever help I need by having to deal w/bad situations. Whatever gets you by. Talking about it. Leaning on friends & family. Getting drunk(HA HA).
'Whatever you are going through will make you stronger in the end.'
Also Barbara, I have a feeling that you will be able to take what you are going through & be a great help to someone else, down the road.
I know these are just words, because I'm not where you are.
Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but it sounds as if you are anticipateing the worst yet to come. It's a completly human action to mentally prepare yourself for it. This is what i feel you are trying to do.
The strong human has trouble accepting some of the things beyond their control. This is what I sense in your writting.
Best to you & PEACE.
you know - I have never been a controlling person. I live by the rule do your best, and what will happen will happen.
I know that as long as I know I have done my best, I can't do anything else but be happy with the result. And if I see that I could have done things differntly I remember and do it that way the next time.
When my granddad was sick before he died I knew that the best thing I could do was to be there by his side, and do my best to tell him that I loved him and that whatever happened I would be there. I stayed with him day and night together with my mum and my sister for a week and a half, and I knew that I couldn't do anything else. I go with the flow, and take the challenge as it arises. If I don't know what I should do, then I take some time and listen to my heart. When I follow my heart I always seem to end up where I want. It can take time, but I know at all times that I am where I am supposed to be and nowhere else.
I enjoy not being in control. I always wonder at what's past the next turn. I'd rather not know...
What is God's will and what is my will? My daily prayer is to thank God for showing me the Divine Will and granting me the power to carry that out. But lately there has been a big (financial) issue in my life, an issue with two sides of equal weight. I hold one in the left hand and one in the right hand and look at them and try to figure out which way to go. They are both of equal weight and I cannot decide. As soon as I decide to walk away from the situation, something happens in a positive direction and encourages me to hang on.
Something I am trying to develop is trust that I will be provided for, as I have for all these years, and there is that damned nagging voice that says '...what if...'. I just keep trudging forward trusting that I will be shown the next right thing and that my will not supercede God's.
I guess the bottom line is: practice, practice, practice.
I love all these comments.
It is a daily surrender that we must practice. Seeing it in print, and reading your words makes it all so much easier, at least for THIS moment.
eschet,
Your comment made me laugh out loud. Actually, this is a photograph from the famous American May Ray's collection, of Kiki. Since I love the violin so much, I thought it would be a perfect touch.
Unfortunately the best way too learn to let go of the handles and let G-D run things for us, is by going through something where all controls panels are inaccessible I think.
I think that the older you get, the more life has thrown things at you that are unexpected, so the more likely one is to realise that life is not within our control. We can control the outcomes for some of our behaviour, but not where life touches us truly and deeply.
When I feel overwhelmed by circumstance or anger, I give it up to G-d, cause I find that there are things that I am incapable of dealing with in any other manner. Frankly, I just run out of ideas.
I think that to truly let go, one has to have the humility to recognise one's limitations. Failure and disappointment teach a whole lot more than success. A shattering challenge to our beliefs and worldview forces us to reevaluate what we know about life, and what we were told, if we have the courage. Ultimately, we really are only a passing breath in this world.
You hang in there.
Great question, Barbara, one that is very timely for me! I have a semblance of a plan for some huge changes in my life in the next few weeks, with some pretty significant unknowns (like, where will I live? lol). I've always had a need to wire things in advance, weave myself a safety net. Which has never done anything but create an illusion that I've got it "under control."
I find that gratitude has been surprisingly useful. My awareness of God's blessings, and gratitude for His loving protection, remind me that God did not bring me this far to drop me on my head. It reminds me to keep my eyes, ears and heart alert for the next gift God wants to give me, because it may not (probably won't) be what I expected or asked for.
Surrender... trust God... be grateful
As usual, some beautiful and helpful insights from you and your readers. Thank you!
Control is a feeling we have..not a fact of reality.
If it helps you cope..then why let go of it..?
I'm pretty much a hands-on person. I will do everything I can, up to a point. I figure it out on a case-by-case basis. Either way, I try and stay as involved as possible.
What is amazing to me and what I don't want to face is how fragile life truly is. This is the case for all of us. We can take comfort in that we are all in the same boat. When life is good, count your blessings. When life is not so good, count your blessings.
Someone here said, "Let go and let God." I like that.
I like this blog too! It is so comforting.
""How do you let go and stop trying to control the outcome??""
A very good question.....I wish I knew....but I don't....I'm very strong willed always on top of things....and making sure it goes as it should....and when it doesn't...I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong...or should've done something different!!!
Have a great day!!!
No words of wisdom. I hope things start going your way -- whether by your control or not!
Time to (re)read the Tao Te Ching, B. And maybe watch the last half hour of American Beauty. :-)
Being a typical last-born child, I couldn't care less about controlling other people. Let them do what they want. My control issues are with *myself*. I think the need to control is based on the fear that some kind of violent entropy will take over the minute we release our grip. Usually that's not the case, but how do we teach ourselves to trust and let go? No answers here -- I'm still trying to learn that myself.
Well, I can truly say that reading these comments of yours yesterday did enable me to let go of control and turn it over to God.
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