Learning to Let Go of Astro. . . .
EDITED:
As many who have followed my blog know, I have a golden retriever whom I adore. He is in many ways like a third child to me. Astro, formally known as Dusty, has been with our family since he was 6 weeks old. The largest and most alert of the litter, my son felt he was a good match for us all. This was to be my son's dog, and he paid for him with his own money. After about a week, I took him over, or her would not have been able to be trained, go for walks, eat or do anything else that is necessary for survival. We developed a strong, powerful bond.
Astro and I have had a wonderful bond. We have been through so much for the last 12 years. He has seen me through so many milestones, and downfalls in my life, and carried me through, always attentive, loyal and loving. The most perfect, and best of all possible dogs.
When Astro was 7 years old, he developed a sarcoma in his mouth, and I was told that he would probably not make it. We had half of his mouth removed, and he has been 5 years now cancer free. What a great gift this dog has been to me.
Last night, Astro could not walk. He was outside hiding in some foliage, obviously in pain. It must have taken every ounce of strength, but he pulled himself up and sat in front of our back door, letting me know he was alright. Today, he cannot walk, has remained in the same place since 4am, and has been unable to urinate or do anything, other than eat. He has a look of pain in his eyes, and barks with a mere horse whisper.
I have edited this post to add that Astro was walking (limping and went to pee this morning), but continues to be in pain as the day progresses. I do not know when he will go, or I will have him put to sleep, but I do not want him to suffer, and see that he is not in the best of health today.
I will take it one day at a time, and I am preparing myself emotionally to let my beloved Astro go. It is too painful to watch him suffer, and the past two days have brought a floods of tears, and despondency. I am preparing myself to have him put to sleep in the week to come, unless he goes by himself earlier, or makes some kind of miraculous recovery, which does not seem possible. His pain is visable even though he can walk some now.
To my beloved Astro: you have been more than a woman's best friend; you have been my companion, and have carried a piece of my heart inside of yourself. Letting go of you will not be an easy act, but I know that the time has come for you not to suffer anymore. I will stay with you, enjoying each and every moment of our time together, until the end.
Thank you my dearest most beloved dog for lighting up my life.
As many who have followed my blog know, I have a golden retriever whom I adore. He is in many ways like a third child to me. Astro, formally known as Dusty, has been with our family since he was 6 weeks old. The largest and most alert of the litter, my son felt he was a good match for us all. This was to be my son's dog, and he paid for him with his own money. After about a week, I took him over, or her would not have been able to be trained, go for walks, eat or do anything else that is necessary for survival. We developed a strong, powerful bond.
Astro and I have had a wonderful bond. We have been through so much for the last 12 years. He has seen me through so many milestones, and downfalls in my life, and carried me through, always attentive, loyal and loving. The most perfect, and best of all possible dogs.
When Astro was 7 years old, he developed a sarcoma in his mouth, and I was told that he would probably not make it. We had half of his mouth removed, and he has been 5 years now cancer free. What a great gift this dog has been to me.
Last night, Astro could not walk. He was outside hiding in some foliage, obviously in pain. It must have taken every ounce of strength, but he pulled himself up and sat in front of our back door, letting me know he was alright. Today, he cannot walk, has remained in the same place since 4am, and has been unable to urinate or do anything, other than eat. He has a look of pain in his eyes, and barks with a mere horse whisper.
I have edited this post to add that Astro was walking (limping and went to pee this morning), but continues to be in pain as the day progresses. I do not know when he will go, or I will have him put to sleep, but I do not want him to suffer, and see that he is not in the best of health today.
I will take it one day at a time, and I am preparing myself emotionally to let my beloved Astro go. It is too painful to watch him suffer, and the past two days have brought a floods of tears, and despondency. I am preparing myself to have him put to sleep in the week to come, unless he goes by himself earlier, or makes some kind of miraculous recovery, which does not seem possible. His pain is visable even though he can walk some now.
To my beloved Astro: you have been more than a woman's best friend; you have been my companion, and have carried a piece of my heart inside of yourself. Letting go of you will not be an easy act, but I know that the time has come for you not to suffer anymore. I will stay with you, enjoying each and every moment of our time together, until the end.
Thank you my dearest most beloved dog for lighting up my life.
18 Comments:
Oh, my dear friend, how I feel your pain. I recently had to give Chester his wings. It is the task we accept when we become responsible pet owners. He knows it's time to leave, and his pain and sadness will only be temporary. A dear pet is one of the greatest gifts we receive and letting go takes courage, strength, and most of all, love.
My prayers are with you and your dear Astro.
ps I have already told Chester to be on the lookout for his new friend.
I'm so sorry about Astro. May he be out of pain and be comfortable. May you be comforted in this sorrowful time by all your memories and thoughts of the wonderful times that you've had. Take care and know we're thinking of you!
Barbara, I kow the pain of losing a friend like that.
[[[Hugs to you]]]
It is a comforting feeling when you know they are finally out of pain.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts.
This morning I woke up, and Astro was able to walk. He is experiencing pain, I can see, but he can walk and go pee.
I was already looking into Monday, not staying in the present, and ready to let him go on that day. Today, it is Sunday, he is walking again (although not well), but I am prepared emotionally to make the decision when the time comesm be it tomorrow, the next day, or the next, whenever it is.
How I sufferred yesterday for somehow not staying in today, and seeing life, one day at a time.
Astro sounds like he is lucky to have you as his human.Its touching to read about your bond with him.
Thanks for sharing.
Tab
Love to you both from me and my chihuahua!
Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's
Kitchen
And I Quote Blog
A few years ago I had to put my beloved labrador to sleep after 16 years together. She was a magnificent friend and it was hellishly hard to let her go.
Anyway, maybe this poem will help later ... and I hope you get a few more years with Astro. Good luck.
From Friend To Friend
You're giving me a special gift
so sorrowfully endowed,
and through these last few cherished days,
your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
when your best friend is in pain,
and understanding earthly acts
will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
is why I look to you today,
to do this thing that must be done,
for it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
and chose you as my friend,
and why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.
Please, understand just what this gift,
you're giving means to me,
it gives me back the strength I've lost,
and all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
for that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
for I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
and through your hand I feel,
the courage that's within you,
to now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
dear friend, and let me run,
once more a strong and steady dog,
my pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
for I won't be far away,
forever here, within your heart,
and memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
your ever faithful friend,
and in your memories I'll run,
... a young dog once again.
Karen Clouston wrote it, and typing it hear made this non-crying old chick want to cry again.
Barbara: Have you taken him to the vet? Perhaps he is not at the end. Perhaps there is something that can be done....some medicine.
My heart broke reading this. I have a dog the same age as Astro. She will be 13 in May. I got her when she was 6 wks. old. She has been with me through so much. She predates my husband and children. I got her in college. She has arthritis, but beyond that seems to be doing well (thank G-d).
It will be heartbreaking the day I have to bid her farewell so I completely understand how you feel.
Much strength.
Oh, Barbara, I am so sorry about Astro. Dogs are always great companions. I hope that your dear Astro will recover soon.I agree with Stacey, "perhaps he is not at the end, perhaps there is something that can be done....some medicine."
My heart hugs you.
So sorry to hear about Astro. We've lost many pets throughout the years, and The Missus is a basket case each time.
Copper is our first dog, and the two are inseparable. It will be very difficult when the time comes to let him go.
thank you all for your kind words.
A wandering woman...Those words carry such profound beauty. I am cutting and pasting them on a sheet of paper to save.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
One day at a time, everyone.
My first dog was called Astro.. when he died, I cried.. never thought I could cry for an animal.
T
My heart goes out to you. I went through the same thing with my little Tootsie. She was a Lhasa.
The vet made me feel better about it when she pointed out that I had given Tootsie 13 very good years.
I bet my Tootsie will be right there alongside Scott's Chester waiting for Astro to arrive.
Dear Barbara,
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort in knowing what a beautiful life you gave to him. I know how much it hurts and I am so sorry.
Meegan
It's so hard to lose a dog that means so much to you....He was a part of the family...no doubt!!!
Sending a hug your way!!!
thank you for sharing with us your life with astro. reading your posts brought me to tears. what beautiful love you two shared. i wish you comfort during these days...
I am sorry to hear about your loyal friend
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