Are You A Shop-o-holic? The Meaning of All of the Isms...

If one would have a look at my profile here on this blog, it would appear as if I am a fairly intelligent woman, who has fine tastes and cultivates books, music and the arts. After looking at this list, and then taking stock of my own life recently, it becomes imminently apparent that I have omitted a subject that consumes me daily, one in which I day-dream about and, if you were to look at me from the outside, you would immediately know what it is: shopping.

Yes, it is time that Woman on the verge of Thinking fesses up, becomes honest, and makes a statement to the world regarding one of my best kept secrets, my love of shopping. What do I like to buy, you may ask? Everything that makes me look good, that is to say, clothing, make-up, jewelry, purses, shoes, cosmetics, fragrances, and the list goes on and on. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I had the opportunity to look at my closest, as it bursts at the seams, with barely a sliver of space for me to hang a garment, or place a pair of shoes. Since I have lost so much weight lately, and am the same size I was ten years ago, I have another new wardrobe ready made inside of my closet. Fine silk jackets, designer suits, beautiful pants. (this is in addition to what I have bought over the past few years.) Recently, when I bought the Louis Vuitton purse and wallet, my husband remarked that these items would cost more than his casket! So now it is time for me to have an honest look at myself.

Am I a shop-o-holic? Like the twenty questions that one takes to decide whether he/she is an alcoholic, perhaps a list of questions should be generated for myself to answer this question?

Take the first step, am I powerless over shopping and has my life become unmanageable? I would have to say yes. Each time I shop, it is to fill some hole, to make myself feel better, to numb the pain, and frankly, I cannot stop with just one outfit, necklace or pair of shoes. More is always better. Furthermore, take this morning, when I woke up at 4:30 am to stand in line at a sale where designer garments from St. John, Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Prada, etc. were being put on a 'parking' lot sale starting at 9:am. I was not the first one to arrive, but the second!

Here are some other reasons that I use to justify and attempt to curtail my shopping. For example, I have been known to say, 'if you had my problems, you would be shopping too.' Another quote, 'after everything that has gone on this year, not only do I deserve the Louis Vuitton purse and wallet, but the luggage as well'. And today, after my mini splurge at the big sale, I swore to my husband that this was my last purchase: I would not shop again!

Sound familiar to some of you? Shopping can be one of the 'isms' that consume so many of us and over which we have little, if any control. It may be alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, cigarettes, a lover, and the same justifications and conclusions are used to explain our habits so that we do not have to deal with them with rigorous honesty.

This post is an honest attempt for me to take a look at something that plagues me each and every day, and perhaps by writing about my purchases in such a way, it can be transformative, and allow me to have the eyes to see that shopping is just another addiction.. It makes me feel better for a moment, maybe a day, or two, but ultimately, it does not fill that hole that needs to be nourished from the inside.

My name is Barbara and I am a Shop-o-holic.

Thank you for your minds.