The Meaning of Relationships
This Wednesday, June 15th., is our 25th wedding anniversary. As a coincidence, this week also celebrates the Jewish holiday of Shavout, a time which celebrates how Jews once heard God's voice at Sinai. Some more observant individuals are known to stay up all night, reading the Torah and attending service, to deepen their love and relationship with God.
Not intending to equate the personal relationships we have we God and with those of our spouses, mates or children, the onset of these two events, however, made me think a bit more about the meaning of the important relationships in my life and what they mean. Specifically, how they are grown, blossomed, or developed in ways unknown to me.When I first got married, the idea of what that relationship would be is completely different from what it is today. At the beginning, one, at least this one, wants that sense of drama, passion and flames that come with romantic love, but as we grow, change and mature, a deeper, richer sense of love is present. Of course, having children can and does change that eqasion, for the better, in my humble opinion. Today, with one child who just graduated from college, and another about to take her finals next week from college and get ready to finish up her last year, I can finally breathe with some relief. But one valuable lesson that I have learned is to be grateful for each and every day, trying to live in the present moment.
So here is the question of the day: Tell me about your important relationships, whether they be with your husband, wife, partner or significant other. What makes this person special to you today and how has your relationship deepened over the years? Is it what you thought it would be, even better, or still blossoming?
On a side note, I hope most of you have noticed the 'new face lift' that Barbara from California now has thanks to the technical wizzardy of dddrrragon! I am calling it, Astro in pezland..I absolutely love it, and it is the perfect symbol for this blog, reminding all that substance is not what it may apppear to be, and in the end, is as, if not more important than form.
Thank you for your minds.
Not intending to equate the personal relationships we have we God and with those of our spouses, mates or children, the onset of these two events, however, made me think a bit more about the meaning of the important relationships in my life and what they mean. Specifically, how they are grown, blossomed, or developed in ways unknown to me.When I first got married, the idea of what that relationship would be is completely different from what it is today. At the beginning, one, at least this one, wants that sense of drama, passion and flames that come with romantic love, but as we grow, change and mature, a deeper, richer sense of love is present. Of course, having children can and does change that eqasion, for the better, in my humble opinion. Today, with one child who just graduated from college, and another about to take her finals next week from college and get ready to finish up her last year, I can finally breathe with some relief. But one valuable lesson that I have learned is to be grateful for each and every day, trying to live in the present moment.
So here is the question of the day: Tell me about your important relationships, whether they be with your husband, wife, partner or significant other. What makes this person special to you today and how has your relationship deepened over the years? Is it what you thought it would be, even better, or still blossoming?
On a side note, I hope most of you have noticed the 'new face lift' that Barbara from California now has thanks to the technical wizzardy of dddrrragon! I am calling it, Astro in pezland..I absolutely love it, and it is the perfect symbol for this blog, reminding all that substance is not what it may apppear to be, and in the end, is as, if not more important than form.
Thank you for your minds.
16 Comments:
Ahhh. My hubby! I've known him since we were both eleven, he had a huge gap between his front teeth and he only stood as tall as my chin.
It is hard to imagine life without my Scott, he is so much a part of every breath I take. He is the one person with whom I can talk about anything, his personality compliments mine to perfection, he is always at my side in battle, loss and victory.
Our relationship has changed so much over the course of the last 25 years. It is impossible for me to really wrap my mind around the full evolution of our bond but I can honestly say I had no idea marriage would be this much fun. I can't always tell where I end and Scott begins, does that sound weird?
Well, my husband of course. He "raised" me really. I've been married all my adult life. Our relationship is different now, less romantic, but very strong. I adore my daughters, and granddaughters, but they have their own lives. My husband and I have one life together.
Another person I was very, very close to was one of my sisters, Doris. She died a year and a half ago. I took care of her as she was dying and was holding her hand when she died. She didn't want to die in a hospital, and I kept her from having to do that. We had a a relationship like none other because we shared a childhood and an adulthood. I miss her every day.
My parents are very important to me. I love them both with all my heart, and I will always try to do everything I can to look after them and make sure their safe. I know this may be considered wrong, but I love my mother more than anybody else in the world, including my husband! Is it wrong to love a parent more than a husband? Maybe it's because I feel so protective of her, and she is more like my child than my mother.
I adore my husband too. He is a good, kind, wonderful man. When I married him I was not in love with him, although I LOVE him dearly. I have never been 'in love' if being 'in love' means that you are wildy passionate and obsessed about another person. I discovered long ago that 'being in love' (in my case anyway) merely meant an infatuation that fizzled out as quickly as it had begun. I am very happy with my husband, and our relationship is steady, calm and based on mutual respect.
Happy 25th, B!
Relationships are complicated for me.
Wolf and I have been together for 5 years, married 3. We have been ostrasized from our families for our social-political-and-spiritual beliefs so our support system comes not from kin but from friends. And to complicate that, we live two hours from our support network.
I read your other comments and I think to myself "what is it like to have a family that you cherish and cherishes you?" For us, we have come under fire for every decision we have made--what kind of wedding to have, what food we eat, what higher power we believe in--which has caused us huge amounts of heartache.
When Wolf and I started dating I hoped I would get along with his kin, but, alas, I found that they were eerily similar to my own, which is probably why we connected to one another--birds of a feather flock together!
So for now until we die, it will just be the two of us with friends generously sprinkled in.
Greg and I have been together for 10 years, married for 7. He's my best friend. There are things I get from my female friends that he can never offer, but what he does offer is essential to me: discretion (the man can keep his mouth shut), security (he's totally trustworthy), and sanity (he's not emotionally fragile and doesn't fall apart when I'm freaking out).
I'm a big believer in the notion that "family" is what you make it. A group of unrelated people who love each other and are committed to each other are just as much a family as a group of blood relations. In fact, maybe they're even more of a family, because they can't rely on their genetic attachment to hold them together. They have to keep reestablishing their connection, day after day, with expressions of commitment and love.
My favorite people on the planet are...
my hubby - we've been married 21 years
my 15 and 17 year old children - they have been more joy than I could have imagined
my parents - I adore them both
my brother - I cherish our relationship
my in-laws - I love them
They are what makes my world go around!
Barbara, I'm too tired to give a good answer right now... but I just wanted to say that I LOVE your facelift! Welcome to the Pez family!
Some really great comments here!
Thank you all for your good wishes too!
I would have to say first of all that I believe that relationships *are* in fact a reflection of our relationship with God/his with us.
Some of my most important relationships, as a 21 year old single female in a family and "support group" of all-marrieds, is those who are not in the city! (see, went to college, all my friends are now spattered across the northern part of the continent!). The friends, the amazing friends, I made at school and became like family with due to breathing the same air for 4 years are the ones that hold me up in times of lonliness.
Oh my gosh, my family is indescribably close to my heart and when it comes down to it, THE relationship I hope to always maintain in good health. However, knowing they will always be there, and being fresh out of the "school-in another province for 4 years" realm, my friends are indescribably missed.
Congradulations on your long marriage and also for getting that picture posted!
I'd have to go with my husband.
Our bond is intense and just gets better as things go on. We met at a low point in both of our lives and once we found eachother we latched on for dear life. While he is my best friend we've had our shares of problems and disputes, but we've worked through them as we've matured.
While I never expected marriage to be what it is I have to say I'm plesently surprised. I thumb my nose at the naysayers and wet blankets who discouraged me for getting married, and at a young age, 23. So many people my age are sceptical about marriage or even commitment in general. I have to say it's the most satisfying and rewarding relationship in my life.
Our second wedding anniversary (and six years together) is comming up fast. I'm just looking forward to the many more to come.
Barbra omedetou! (Congratulations)
Happy anniversary - what a milestone. Congratulations and forever happiness.
I just mentioned you in a comment about what we're celebrating this week. :)
Barbara,
You posted a comment in my blog and I found my way here. What a nice home you have!
My romantic & sexual relationships: The most important two have been my husband (from age 18 - 30) and fiance (from age 34-39). And those have shown me what true love is through contrast.
Looking back, I primarily married my husband to get out of the house - but we adapted well to each other. As another poster said, he 'raised' me. In fact, he used to say (in a rather superior tone) "Marry 'em young, and raise 'em right." But by the time I'd graduated college, I'd become an opinionated (but polite) woman with questions, ideas and opinions all of my own.
There were other complications to the marriage ending, but when all is said and done - it wasn't a great marriage to begin with. It was polite with no passion. Friendly with no warmth. Loving with no emotional commitment. Needy with no purpose. It lasted as long as it did because (at the time) my religious beliefs dictated that you stayed married, no matter what.
After the divorce I cast aimlessly about, still dealing with the 'needy' issues. But I grew and developed into a strong, independant - but still polite! ;o) - woman. And I found that most men in the area which I live were threatened by that.
For instance, one man I had dated briefly never called me back. I ended up in a relationship with one of his friends, though, so I had occasion to run into him sometimes. Finally, one day he told me that he really liked me, and the only reason he'd never called me back was that I was too smart and it intimidated him. I never knew he felt that way. I believe that conversation and relationships are a way to stretch your horizons, not limit them. But, I thanked him very much for letting me know.
Then I met the Love of My Life. At first we fought like cats and dogs (because we are so similar in many ways). We broke up constantly. I'd never been through such an exhausting relationship and there were many times I would rather have killed than kissed him.
But in the last couple of years, I have had more than I ever dreamed possible. I now have the love, the passion, the excitement, the comraderie without the need attached to it, and the knowlege that he feels the same.
I am truly blessed.
Lovely posts, all of them.
I have found that each relationship that I have been in has taken on a life of its own.
It's like chemistry. Oxygen is in H20 and H2SO4, but when it's combined with other things, you get an entirely different formula.
If any of you are chemists, then let me tell you that most of my relationships have been more like H2SO4.
not a chemist, snicksnack, but love the formula...
Happy Anniversary and Chag Sameach (though it is over by now)
Hope to check out some more of your writtings.
I would say my husband. I love him dearly. And cannot imagine life without him.
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