Who Are You?
Reading over my posts, and some of the responses I have been receiving lately, I am thinking of eliminating the anonymous comments part of my blog. One of the reasons it was there, was for people to post freely, and say what they wanted, even if they did not have a blog themselves. Additionally, it would allow some to share their voices even if too shy or unwilling to reveal themselves.
Over these past couple of days, I have encountered a couple of comments, with an edge of sarcasm, but seemingly from someone who knows me or who has been an active reader of this blog, and prefers to read and comment, but not reveal herself.
Be that as it may, another question has surfaced, and I know I have discussed a version of it before, but not exactly in these terms. We all assume that people we interact with over the internet are who they say they are, genuine in their characterizations, descriptions and analysis of things, but how do we really know who anyone is? Is it better to assume that most of the people we are communicating with are in fact not legitimate, have created false identities, person's, and are masters of deception, or that there are some truly authentic people here, who walk like they talk and represent themselves as they are?
Frankly, I have been most fortunate in that I have developed some really wonderful and beautiful relationships with people on this blog from all over the place. When my father died, many sent personal emails and cards, and truly opened their hearts to the grief I was experiencing. On the other hand, there are those who claim to care, but will only be there for you if it somehow suits them. I have aquired the wisdom to know the difference, thankfully. The door has swung both ways, but I can honestly say, that I have met some truly wonderful women and men here over the internet.
How do you know if you are being deceived by people in cyberspace? Do you tend to look at those you 'meet' on-line and give them more credit, more benefits, and trust them more than those people you do not know in the 'real world.' Does the veil of anoynomity make people even more attractive to you, allowing you to trust them more than you would when meeting someone in the person? Is it easier for you to meet people in the world out there, or do you have an easier time with cybernet relationships? Do people tend to react more strongly on line than otherwise during a face to face conversation, and if so why?
Being a quientensential loner, but enjoying the company of some people, I enjoy meeting people in real life. This blog primarily serves as a vehicle to enable me to write daily, and keep in touch with people who have become a meaningful part of my daily life in blogsville.
Please also let me know how you feel about me eliminating the anonymous comments on this blog.
Thank you for your minds.
Over these past couple of days, I have encountered a couple of comments, with an edge of sarcasm, but seemingly from someone who knows me or who has been an active reader of this blog, and prefers to read and comment, but not reveal herself.
Be that as it may, another question has surfaced, and I know I have discussed a version of it before, but not exactly in these terms. We all assume that people we interact with over the internet are who they say they are, genuine in their characterizations, descriptions and analysis of things, but how do we really know who anyone is? Is it better to assume that most of the people we are communicating with are in fact not legitimate, have created false identities, person's, and are masters of deception, or that there are some truly authentic people here, who walk like they talk and represent themselves as they are?
Frankly, I have been most fortunate in that I have developed some really wonderful and beautiful relationships with people on this blog from all over the place. When my father died, many sent personal emails and cards, and truly opened their hearts to the grief I was experiencing. On the other hand, there are those who claim to care, but will only be there for you if it somehow suits them. I have aquired the wisdom to know the difference, thankfully. The door has swung both ways, but I can honestly say, that I have met some truly wonderful women and men here over the internet.
How do you know if you are being deceived by people in cyberspace? Do you tend to look at those you 'meet' on-line and give them more credit, more benefits, and trust them more than those people you do not know in the 'real world.' Does the veil of anoynomity make people even more attractive to you, allowing you to trust them more than you would when meeting someone in the person? Is it easier for you to meet people in the world out there, or do you have an easier time with cybernet relationships? Do people tend to react more strongly on line than otherwise during a face to face conversation, and if so why?
Being a quientensential loner, but enjoying the company of some people, I enjoy meeting people in real life. This blog primarily serves as a vehicle to enable me to write daily, and keep in touch with people who have become a meaningful part of my daily life in blogsville.
Please also let me know how you feel about me eliminating the anonymous comments on this blog.
Thank you for your minds.
25 Comments:
I don't allow unidentified commenters on my blog because I'm paranoid and nosey.
But that's me.
I allow anonymous comments on my blog, mainly because anonymous comments are better than no comments at all.
And it is not like someone can not make up some fake name, add a generic photo, and post comments anonymously under the assumed ID.
For example, some LAZY person who happens to think that IGUANAs have it made (all they do is eat and lounge in the sun all day, without having to go to work) might make a blog ID and post under it.
ELIMINATE! If they have the balls to comment, then they should have the balls to say their name. Sort of like, if you are brave enough to have sex, then you should be brave enough to wear the condoms! Okay, weird comparison, but I was trying to think of something to relate to. I know some people that will only email me, and when I call them, they never answer, and they never call. How weird is that?? Trust me, I have written them off!!
I meant brave enough to buy the condoms. sorry
It's your weblog. You do whatever you like. No obligations, no apologies. For someone to post a rude comment on your weblog is no different from them leaving a rude message on your answering machine or voice mailbox. Delete!
After almost three years as a member of a certain perfume board, I learned a LOT about building friendships online. There are some great people out there, very generous and kind (present company ESPECIALLY). But I do not expect these relationships to be anywhere near the quality of my real-life relationships, and I wouldn't want them to be. You only have 24 hours in a day, so if you're investing them in online relationships, what's happening to your flesh-and-blood relationships? They end up withering from neglect. There is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. That's part of the reason I quit the fragrance board; I was spending way too much time there. Of course, I'm still devoted to some of the people I met there (and had the honor of meeting in real life, including you), because, well, they're great people! But I'm happy to have my real-life relationships back too.
I think that one should approach strangers with caution, on the net. Don't give out personal info until you have known them for quite a while. I speak from experience having been conned and manipulated by someone who turned out to be a sociopath. This was when I had just discovered the net and I thought everyone was honest like me.
Nowadays it takes forever for me to give out my name even to people who seem trustworthy.
As for comments: I don't allow anonymous comments. It attracts vermin.
WW,
Your comments are always so enlightening. I love you. (she is a woman in case some of you are wondering.) And I am happy we have maintained our friends, and were able to meet as well. You are one awesome woman, and a great friend, there always, in sickness and in health..Kind of like a husband, wife AND a dog. This is a compliment and I know WW receives it as such.
xoxox
b
And she is pregnant!!! I am so happy.
winterwheat,
Funnily, while I was getting conned, I also met my best friend, on the net. She has become my sister. And a few other women friends with whom I have ties and visited in different parts of the country.
Sometimes, people like to have penpals as well. But I agree, net chat shouldn't take the place of face to face relationships where true friendships are forged.
I also think that the word "friend"
became cheapened on the net.
Barefoot Jewess,
Thank you for your posts. I too, tend to be a very trusting and giving person, maybe too much so, and perhaps should be a bit more careful with what I say and to whom.
As for giving out personal information, I am a bit cautious about it, but maybe not as much as I should be. Thank you, WW and niobium for the tips.
How can you set up your blog so that it does not allow for anonymous comments?
Good Shabbos, early, by the way.
I do not think that you should eliminate the possibility for people to remain anonymous Barbara...I know I've always enjoyed reading your blogs, and felt the freedom to remain anonymous on subjects kind of touchy for me or I was too shy to say who I was in different posts. And anyone who was being anonymous in a crude way, would probably have no problem picking a fake name, know what I mean?
Barbara,
Go to the "Settings" tab in blogger. Then open up "comments". You can take it from there.
Heh, Barbara. And an early Good Shabbos to you! :)
You know how I feel about the subject. I think it makes it easier, but it does disqualify some people from discussion.
I don't allow anonymous comments on my blog. It seems like an invitation for people even more weird than the rest of us. ;-P
Interesting point -- I wonder if I do give more credit/benefit of doubt to folks online than in real life. Probably so. Huh. Good thing to think about!
There's a certain responsibility in posting under a "real" blogging name. It gives you an identity (regardless of its honesty..) that you are liable to be consistant to (most of the time).
I've found that often (not always)the anonymous posters are the ones that leave the most biting and non-thought-out comments. If you truly feel strongly about something, be yourself! (To the extent that you can be when nobody knows who you are...)
I'd have fewer, but better (qualitatively) comments than a whole bunch of mean, thoughtless ones.
Many good comments here.
Actually, I have not really had a problem with anonymous comments before. The blogger(s) to whom I am referring is someone whom I think I know, especially from the writting style, and a woman who used to be a frequent poster on my blog. If I am corrrect she used to email me as well. I am somewhat puzzled as to why this person would bother to follow the comments on my blog, read the posts, stay away, and then feel the need to comment anonymously. Seems rather cowardly and completely unfriendly to me. But as Ww points out, there are true real friends out there in the internet world.
TRW you are right about the quality of the posting that counts and I think from now on, I am going to eliminate anonymous comments. If people have something to say, they can say it with an itentity attached.
Hi. I don't know if my comments will be taken seriously because I am an Anonymous ;-) I don't know you Barbara, nor do I e-mail you. I don't want to be confused with the other Anonymous person(s). I'd like to use a name, but the first time I posted, (under your Evil People-What would you do with them-"Who do you think is the most evil"? post)-I felt shy. Also confused-More on that later.
I think you have the right to do whatever you want to do. i just hope all the Anonymous people aren't painted with the same brush. Some of us are just shy.
When I tried to post under "Other"-It asked me for my Webpage-Um I don't Have a Webpage and I'm not a Blogger. So how else can I post? Could you add a fourth option?
I enjoy your board. I've only posted twice on it. I think it's one of the more interesting boards.I like that people share their minds, so to speak.I also like to hear about Jewish issues, since I am a Jew who was raised with no Jewish identity at all. So, please give some help as how to log in if I'm not a Blogger or don't have a Webpage. Thank you.
PS. No matter what you decide to do,please keep this board going. I need all the intellectual stimulation I can get.I currently live in a place that is as close to the Dead Zone as you can get ;-)
Attention all Anons: You can be logged into Blogger (to be allowed to post) without having a blog. Just make yourself an account, and then don't make a blog! You can even not show your profile if you don't want to. It's just the fact that you made the extra effort to de-vaguafy yourself that makes us bloggers happy ;)
Barbara, do what you want to do. As has been written before, it's your blog to do with as you wish. Also, people can create an account and not make a blog page.
I don't allow anonymous comments. I find they end up being from people who are too cowardly to post under a 'real' ID, who use their anonymity to bash you without consequences.
Thank you for all your comments.
I am still up in the air about whether to allow anonymous posts in light of the comments made below about people being shy and not feeling the freedom to post under their names. I will give it a day or two before I decide.
I am as much, if not more interested in how the cyberworld has taken over or become a replacement for real life relationships. WW addresses it, and I think it an issue worth exploring.
To anoynon who posts that she feels shy and confused, but enjoys what she learns from the blog, I truly appreciate your words. If you would like to email me privately, let me know and I will try to send you the information so we can chat. I appreciate your input and because of what you say, I give great weight to allowing the anonymous comments to stay.
I apologize to Micki if I used the header from her blog, Who are You. I do not mean to plagerize your words and I am sorry. I guess those words stuck inside my head when wanting to create a post on whether people feel more confortable with real realtionships as opposed to those in cyberspace, and the impact of anonymous comments on one's blogs.
hey bfc,
well I guess living on the other side of the ocean I get to the blog later than everyone else, and most of what I wanted to say was said already.
but, few things I can say.
1. we (the wife and I) don't allow anons on our site, and it's all for the best.
2. having a screen name allows us to know that it the same person everytime we read something, even if I don't know who you are (and I don't) I know every time it's YOU who posts no matter where it is on the blog world, it help up relate to the ready, since we know what else this person has said.
as for trusting people - I think that there is a limit to how much people can write stuff that is not them. I mean - unlike a chat room where you go in for a few hours (at the very most), this is something that has been ongoing for months (and years). It is very hard to write stuff without meaning any of it for such a long time.
I figure if I haven't got the guts to put my name behind my comments then I have no business making the comment in the first place.
I allow anon comments on my blog, because, like the lazy iguana, anon comments are better than no comments at all! And also because I am aware that people coming onto blogging sites who are not bloggers. often don`t understand how to get themselves a user name. So far I have been lucky, and I have met really lovely people, and no bad guys.
But, in saying that, you have a discussion forum, which is more likely to attract occasional people who enjoy being ofensive.
I have to say, Barbara, that you have my admiration for the way you have dealt with this in the past, I am really not sure how I would have coped if I had to deal with offensive comments.
It is your blog, and it would be completely understandable if you want to remove anonymous comments.
You have an excellent site, and we will completely understand if you do.
It would certainly make for an easier life!
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