Chronicles of a Death Foretold
One of my favorite books by the great Nobel Prize for literature author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, is titled, Chronicles of a Death Foretold. This slender paperback tells the story of a dead man walking, whose death is revisited 27 years later.
As many of you know, my beloved golden retriever, Astro, has not been doing too well. Since he was seven and diagnosed with cancer, I have been foretelling his death, in some way or another, but must confess that the reality of him dying was something that did not actually penetrate. Today, he keeps falling down more and more, and is unable to walk, as he seems to be in pain each and every day now. Putting him to sleep is an issue that I am facing, and it is very painful to me. In fact, most of today, I have spend lamenting about how the reality of the end of his life is truly here, right before my eyes now, and that at most, he may only have a week or two left. After many hours of tears, and trying to pick him up, and see him in a state of discomfort, the idea of him continuing to suffer is breaking my heart. I told myself that he would not be kept alive so that I could be comfortable, which will never be, so his best interests must be front and center for now.
Even today, when he saw me crying (my husband says hystrercal crying was more like it), he still tried to lick my face, and give me comfort, as if he wanted to say, 'don't worry, let us enjoy our last moments together, for as long as they last.'
So for the few days, or until that moment comes when he must be taken to the vet, I am going to celebrate Astro's life, enjoy every moment, and write about him, what he has meant to me, how and in what manner he has enlightened my spirit and my soul, with his sloppy slobbers, and his goofy smile. He has been a true friend here always, through thick and thin, not judging nor condemning, but accepting with unconditional love always.
Therefore, let me begin, if I am able, and tell the story about my Astro.....
Thank you for your minds.
As many of you know, my beloved golden retriever, Astro, has not been doing too well. Since he was seven and diagnosed with cancer, I have been foretelling his death, in some way or another, but must confess that the reality of him dying was something that did not actually penetrate. Today, he keeps falling down more and more, and is unable to walk, as he seems to be in pain each and every day now. Putting him to sleep is an issue that I am facing, and it is very painful to me. In fact, most of today, I have spend lamenting about how the reality of the end of his life is truly here, right before my eyes now, and that at most, he may only have a week or two left. After many hours of tears, and trying to pick him up, and see him in a state of discomfort, the idea of him continuing to suffer is breaking my heart. I told myself that he would not be kept alive so that I could be comfortable, which will never be, so his best interests must be front and center for now.
Even today, when he saw me crying (my husband says hystrercal crying was more like it), he still tried to lick my face, and give me comfort, as if he wanted to say, 'don't worry, let us enjoy our last moments together, for as long as they last.'
So for the few days, or until that moment comes when he must be taken to the vet, I am going to celebrate Astro's life, enjoy every moment, and write about him, what he has meant to me, how and in what manner he has enlightened my spirit and my soul, with his sloppy slobbers, and his goofy smile. He has been a true friend here always, through thick and thin, not judging nor condemning, but accepting with unconditional love always.
Therefore, let me begin, if I am able, and tell the story about my Astro.....
Thank you for your minds.
18 Comments:
I'm so sorry that Astro is nearing his end. He obviously adores you, and you obviously adore him. You were both very lucky to have found each other. It is so hard to lose a beloved pet. I'll be thinking of you and Astro. {{{{{Barbara}}}}} {{{{{Astro}}}}}
Barb...Sorry to hear Astro is doing so bad....Only sending the best...for the both of you!!
How bittersweet is love. Much love to you and Astro ...
A loss is bad enough, but comtemplating the loss, knowing that it's going to happen is worst. Here's hoping that in the telling of the story healing will begin, before Astro's end ... so that you both find peace.
Your dog will tell you when he's ready to go. That is something to take comfort in, in and of itself.
Dear Barbara,, and Astro, One of the reasons that I have found such wonderful souls as you, Rachael, Amias, among others is because of my cat Speck who has been gone for over two years now! He was 20 when I had to make the fatefilled and most difficult decision to help him go. I wrote about it in my Blog under Insomia or something because since that day I have not slept normally. Speck used to sleep EVERY NIGHT on my head, and after 20 years you get used to the weight on your noggin. I called in all of my 'Power Animals' for his departure, I know it sounds nutty, but they came and helped him over. Call upon the powers you believe in to aid in this transition for BOTH of you.
My most heartfelt prayers will be with you daily and when the time comes Astro will have taught you another thing about the cycles of life. Live these last moments well with your friend, kiss him for me and I will tell Speck, that my New Friends' best buddy is coming over.. Speck loves doggies and would be happy to show Astro around. Be at Peace. Much love to you and your family and may Astro have no more pain.
Sending best wishes your way.
Watching your pet in pain is horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through this Barbara. Friday Francesca is going in to be spayed and I am very nervous about this. The last cat I had spayed, Claw, didn't forgive me for *months* after the surgery.
Maybe, when/if you feel ready, you could be adopted by a pooch rescused from Katrina. The ASPCA is reporting that many pets are being taken to California shelters in need of new homes.
I'm sorry that you and Astro have come to this place. It is so difficult. I look forward to reading everything you have to say about Astro and his beautiful soul. Hugs to both of you.
I am so, so sorry, Barbara. I know how painful this is. I am also looking forward to reading about sweet Astro. You are lucky to have found each other.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and words...I will write about Astro as soon as possible. I know this happens when you fall in love with a pet, and they become a part of your life. This morning, I have tried to stay up-beat and not cry, but it is difficult at times.
Thank you for your support.
i'm sorry to hear about astro. he sounds wonderful. i think that spirits live on after they pass, and yes, even animals. so i'm sure that he will always be around you in one way or another -- giving you comfort.
Oy, Barb. I feel for you. I've never had a dog, but my husband also has a mix Golden Retriever who is on his last leg. Last year, when the husband was in the States, he got a call saying that the dog would probably not last the night. He cried and was very emotional that his dog might die and might die without him being there with him. But, Schmendrick is a feisty old dog who just wants to keep on living. He did not die and is still kicking. But, just from that and really getting close to my husband's dog, I can feel exactly what you're going through. I hope your time left with him is filled with love, joy, and lots of doggy licks and kisses.
-OC
Barbara, I'm so sorry for your pain. Take great comfort in the fact that you've also been a most loving and wonderfully loyal friend to him all these years.
Losing those we love (including pets) is such a frightening rite of passage, but it's all a part of some greater plan. In due time, if you wish to believe it, you will be reunited with Astro. For now, you just need to do what you feel in your heart is right and good for him.
Thinking of you. (also looking forward to your posts about Astro - when you're ready)
Barbara, I rarely let myself loose control in a positive way ala crying but reading the part of your post where you talk about Astro still wanting to comfort you not withstanding his own pain I let a tear drop. Oh God...life is such an instable thing. I guess we all have to treasure the good things/people/pets in our lives as long as we have them with us.
Eitan.
Dear sweet Barbara, I am so sorry. I have lost a dear pet and it was, needless to say, painful. Companions are hard to lose whether they have 2 feet or 4.
Barbara, I am so sorry to hear about Astro's failing health. I don't even know what else to say, except that you and Astro will be in my thoughts each day. Blessed be.
Wow, so I haven't had a good cry in a while. I read the part about dear Astro licking your face to comfort you when he is the one in physical pain. That's heart wrenching to me and I feel for you. Made me hug my dog for a while and realize how important he is to me. He's run away a couple times over his life, but he always came back. I searched one time for 2 hours and came back to my house only to find him on the porch. He was exhausted, had a deep cut on his left hind leg, and dehydrated. But of course my four legged soul mate came back to me. I'm thinking of you both and wish you all the best there is.
Barbara, I am hoping that you get your comments emailed to you so this will get to you. I have been thinking alot about you and Astro, and a friend sent this to me. I hope you are well. I have been ''out of it" for a number of days,, Much love to Astro,,
what follows is the email my friend sent to me:Subject: WHY DOGS DON'T LIVE AS LONG AS PEOPLE
As a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, and, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for their pet in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane could learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the his friend for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.
We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me - I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life - like loving everybody and being nice." The four-year-old continued, "Animals already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
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