How Do You Handle Pain and Suffering & What Do you Learn From It?
As many can see from the posts below, this has been a particularly difficult week for myself and my family. Who among us has not experienced personal pain, suffering or even loss of one form or another. Most of us, no matter how weak we may seem to be, are able to rise to the occasion and have the strength to go on and live our lives, even if it means some type of adjustment, in our attitude or behavior, in one form or another is necessary.
For me, when I am at a personal low, I surround myself with pictures, images and books about the Holocaust. Many, including my own husband, cannot understand this reaction to personal pain, that I have, but when I do so, it seems as if what I am experiencing, no matter how horrible or painful, pales by comparison. I look to those individuals who died, as well as those who have survived, to give me strength to make it through what ever is going on here. Surely, if those individuals who were brave enough to make it through such trying and miserable circumstances could pull through it, then so could I. Point of fact, my pain usually pales by comparison.
Personal pain, however, especially when a child is involved is difficult, and at times no matter how strong, resilient or brave you think you are, it is difficult to muster up the energy to stay strong and keep going.
Here is my question for the week: How do you handle pain and suffering? What comforts you, and what tools do you use to walk through the heartache to get to the other side? What lessons do you learn from such difficulties?
Thank you for your minds.
For me, when I am at a personal low, I surround myself with pictures, images and books about the Holocaust. Many, including my own husband, cannot understand this reaction to personal pain, that I have, but when I do so, it seems as if what I am experiencing, no matter how horrible or painful, pales by comparison. I look to those individuals who died, as well as those who have survived, to give me strength to make it through what ever is going on here. Surely, if those individuals who were brave enough to make it through such trying and miserable circumstances could pull through it, then so could I. Point of fact, my pain usually pales by comparison.
Personal pain, however, especially when a child is involved is difficult, and at times no matter how strong, resilient or brave you think you are, it is difficult to muster up the energy to stay strong and keep going.
Here is my question for the week: How do you handle pain and suffering? What comforts you, and what tools do you use to walk through the heartache to get to the other side? What lessons do you learn from such difficulties?
Thank you for your minds.
20 Comments:
I don't handle pain and suffering well....But it always helps me to talk about it and get it out....That's why I actually started my blog...was because I had so much pain bottled up inside of me...From losing my 18 year old Sister....and I'm still having a hard time dealing with it...There is good days and bad days....What comforts me is my Daughter...seeing that smile on her face in the morning and saying I love you Mommy....What lessons I have learned is....Never take a Day for Granted!!!
Sending only the Best your way!!!
I'm also of the "bottling up" group, which is not good, I know, but I'm wary of trusting people. What does help me is a lot of talking to G-d. Knowing things are not under your control often makes pain easier to deal with.
It's kinda funny, 'cause I've been having a bad night tonight, and then I saw your post-so I had to evaluate how I was reacting to my current demons...and act on it! And that helped me. So thank you!
Again, refuah shelama to your daughter.
I usually wallow in self-pity for a while, then I do as you do - read about something much worse - put things in perspective. Then I get the strength to continue.
Although I don't have any children, and I can never imagine what you're going through because of this fact, I find it's much easier to be strong for someone I love rather than myself. Wrongdoings towards myself, I semm to just swallow, and let go. Wrongdoings towads others, though - a whole other story. That's when I become a warrior and put up the fight.
When I have difficulties to cope I meditate. That's when my mind relaxes, and it's easier to put things in perspective.
But most importantly - to be able to live with pain - I help others. In helping others I know that I at least mattered to one person one point in time, and that gives me the urge to continue.
I'll be thinking of you both.
Hug,
Guro
in an effort to control my temper and depression, years ago I learned to meditate. With continued use it has become a very good tool for dealing with overwhelming emotions. It helps me to accept what is happening and settle my mind. I find I can more effectively deal with the outfall of problems after the exercise.
How do you handle pain and suffering? What comforts you, and what tools do you use to walk through the heartache to get to the other side? What lessons do you learn from such difficulties?
Depending on the pain (ie physical, emotional, or mental. And how the pain came ie purposefully, by accident, or indirectly) determines on how I cope. If it's physical, like the flu, I whine a lot. If its because someone purposefully hurt me emotionally, I either lash out or just hide away, and if it's mental, I usually just go numb and stay home until I can get my head together again.
I like to eat to comfort me, I like hugs and physical comfort, and if I'm really in the throws of mental anguish, I walk until I can untie my brain.
Sometimes I don't learn from my mistakes, sometimes I do. If someone purposefully hurts me, I back off from them as my trust is erroded.
I can turn very cold and unfeeling if someone intentionally sets out to harm me.
I don't handle it well; internally it gives me a bad migraine, and my stomach feels awful.
Like the Captain, I tend to keep it inside and then I get a migraine (my migraines are also set off by bad weather). So I'll keep it inside for awhile, then either get ill or explode. Then I have to apologize (lol).
There are times when I tell myself that there are others that are worse off, but when I'm truly down I don't care because I can't think anymore.
If you ever come east to D.C., I'll go to the Holocaust Museum with you. We saw part of it last summer and it is intense.
I talk about it with my husband and good friends, eat good food, rest a lot, play with the three dogs and two cats, and think about gratitude. Sure, it's sappy and cliche, but gratitude can be an antidote for me sometimes.
All good answers here.
For most of this week, I have been withdrawn myself, and today, a friend took me out to breakfast, and told me that this is a time when I should reach out to others and stop being a 'gorilla girl.'
I am willing to try and walk through this stuff in a different way, with a new pair of glasses.
....forgot to mention,
Welcome to my blog, Nerdine...Your comments are most appreciated...dddragon, going to the Holocaust museum here is a GOOD IDEA, and I would love to meet you sometime and go to the one in D.C., which is powerful and intense as you say.
My sister went through some very tough times about 15 years ago: financial ruin, divorce, all three children with serious problems. What got her through it was her sense of humor and a good therapist who pointed that out to her.
It hurts to see our children in pain and suffering. When my daughter went through a very painful divorce six years ago, what kept me going was anger. My anger was therapeutic in this case. It fired me up and made me determined to alleviate as much as possible her pain which I went about doing in small and large ways.
As for my daughter who went through the divorce, talking about her pain was her therapy. We talked and talked and talked about it until finally she began to heal. All is well with her today I am glad to say. She remarried and is very happy now.
What I have learned from my personal trials is that a person can endure a lot, that there is usually reason to hope, and that things often improve given time.
I walk. Literally, just walk and walk. Being outside is good for the soul.
As you know, I have experienced the greatest pain that I think a mother can ever have. I lost my son to depression. For that, all I can say is that I'm still standing.
Whatever works is what one should do. Doesn't matter what others think will work. Take care of your daughter, but don't forget to take care of yourself too.
I don't really have one particular way of dealing with difficult times, but like you, I often tell myself how lucky I really am. I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard week; you're in my thoughts.
Normally I read alot during these times, Khalil Gibran being one of my favorite reads when I am down. Lately I have been reading the poem by Sri Aurobindo called Savitri, which has so much wisdom in it that it should be required reading for everyone.
Usually I am a positive person, so when down, I am trying to find my reconnection to those traits I know I have deep inside me. I don't eat when down. I tend to want to sleep.
Like many other people, there have been moments in my life where I felt the pain was almost more than I could bear.
But, I always got through it, but with what I call a `gap` left.
Sometimes the feeling of sheer helplessness was overwhelming.
I keep going in these situations, merely because there isn`t any alternative.
Sometimes I would talk to friends, and sometimes I would just keep things to myself, depending on how I felt at the time.
I think it is probably better to talk with friends, and release some of the burden than to constantly try to be the strong coping type.
And good friends are always there to listen and comfort, even if there is nothing physical they can do to help.
Thinking of you both.
Thank you all for your kind words and beautiful thoughts.
For now, my plan. for today, is to go and be with and stay strong. With each breathe and word, there is always hope.
Barbara sometimes your questions are so intense that I have to read it and them, then go somewhere and think. Because I believe that the answer can be found in the question .. but I don't always find it, so hear goes.
I handling pain and suffering by writing it down and creating from it ... on all levels in my life. Even if it's a simple poem about it, it helps me.
I am comforted by the fact that others had and have it harder, especially during slavery time, so I understand why you turn to the holocaust. It put things in their proper perspective and give you strength to endure, if nothing else, endurance is a good thing.
The tools I use are all of the above, and I wrap myself up in the comfort of friends online and off ... and a little food on the side. The food is a very unhealthy thing, but the others are positive.
Writing about my pains sharing it with others helps me to get pass it ... and like Sunyata said, these days I try to move away from negative things. It's working for me right now, but who knows what tomorrow may brings.
As a mother I truly understand your pain and my heart aches for you dear one.
Be Blessed ...
I hope it is OK to share this.
I saw an exhibition of art last year in Prague in the Jewish Museum by Jewish children from the Prague Ghetto who were held in a concentration camp outside the city during the war. It was one of the most moving things I have ever seen. Artists within the camp had taught the children drawing and painting to occupy them and as a form of therapy. They were often asked to visualise homecomings and positive outcomes with family etc which they portrayed. It was profoundly heartbreaking to see this large collection of pictures as most of the children who made them were later murdered. Many people were openly crying as they walked around the exhibition and I too shed some tears. However, despite the overwhelming sadness contained within these images there was also a wonderful positive spirit of creativity, community, innocence and goodness. It was incredibly moving - and a reminder to me of the defiance of the human spirit in the face of the greatest suffering - and so to answer your question - I strongly believe in the healing and unifying powers of the creative arts - art, writing, music, etc - and also of what you are doing here with your blog really - just simple communication.
h Barb, We mothers have a hard time handling the pain of our children, don't we? We love them so much and we don't want them to hurt. I think God put us all here on Earth for a reason. We have something to learn and we are all going to have certain challanges. What is it that your daughter is supposed to learn? What are you supposed to learn? I remember my mom telling me, when I was a little girl: "It's not the challanges we have in life that matter, It's how we handle them that count?" When I am going thru something rather challanging, I ask my self, "Alright Lucy, what are you doing to handle this challange"? It kind of gets me thinking in a more positive way. I also say, "Ok what am I supposed to learn from this?"
I have been taught that we are all "Diamonds in the rough" We have to go thru the refiners fire to become the beautiful diamond. As we go thru our challanges, we are going thru the refiners fire. I know this sounds silly, but it makes sense to me.
One more thing, When I am in pain, I think about Jesus Christ on the cross suffering for our sins. No one suffered more than him. Also, my friends and family help me too.
Good luck with your daughter and keep smiling. Tell her you love her and keep your chin up.
Yes, Lucy, seeing a child in pain and/or suffering must be the worst of all possible situations to be in, I can say.
Thank you for your kind words. I know what you mean by comparative suffering, which is why I usually think of all the 6 million Jews who were needlessly murdered by the Nazis during WWII. My issues seem to pale by comparision.
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