How Tolerant Are We?
Each week, I receive an article from a Jewish bulletin discussing a particular topic of interest to the community. This week, the issue raised was whether Orthodox Jews were in fact tolerant to other Jews who were not as strict in their levels of observances, often resulting in criticism, chastisement or withdrawal altogether. For example, do we criticise someone for doing something differently than we do, or call them to task, for being less observant, or unsimiliar to ourselves?
The ability to tolerate and accept others who are different from us is not exclusively a subject limited to the religious arena. How often do we judge, shy away or withdraw from those who are different from ourselves? This lack of tolerance can take many forms from fear to gossip to complete withdrawal. How often do we avert our eyes, or cross the street when we see someone who is homeless talking to himself/herself on a street corner? If we are walking in a neighborhood where someone has a particular type of dress, is it the case that we draw conclusions about who that person is and what he/she represents? What about those with different sexual orientations from our own, or political beliefs? Can we accept them for what they are, or do we dismiss them as irrelevant and meaningless, and go out of our way to be cruel and unacceptable?
Tolerance is an area that I have had to explore over these past weeks as well. As my daughter remains hospitalized, I have felt let down and disappointed by some family and friends who have avoided calling or visiting her or us. Are my expectations unreasonable, and am I not being tolerant and accepting them as they are rather than as I want them to be? Each and every one of us has our own level (s) of tolerance and expectations, and I have had to learn this lesson as well on these issues.
As we get ready for Thanksgiving, the day where we should be grateful for what we have, I invite you to examine what it is that you do not tolerate well as part of this process. Think about how we treat others who are different from ourselves, and what message we give to them when we become indifferent, give a look of disapproval, or tell them that they should be doing something different than the way we do it ourselves.
Taking action, doing good deeds, means accepting others for who they are, and how they do things and not as we would like them to be.
Thank you for your minds.
The ability to tolerate and accept others who are different from us is not exclusively a subject limited to the religious arena. How often do we judge, shy away or withdraw from those who are different from ourselves? This lack of tolerance can take many forms from fear to gossip to complete withdrawal. How often do we avert our eyes, or cross the street when we see someone who is homeless talking to himself/herself on a street corner? If we are walking in a neighborhood where someone has a particular type of dress, is it the case that we draw conclusions about who that person is and what he/she represents? What about those with different sexual orientations from our own, or political beliefs? Can we accept them for what they are, or do we dismiss them as irrelevant and meaningless, and go out of our way to be cruel and unacceptable?
Tolerance is an area that I have had to explore over these past weeks as well. As my daughter remains hospitalized, I have felt let down and disappointed by some family and friends who have avoided calling or visiting her or us. Are my expectations unreasonable, and am I not being tolerant and accepting them as they are rather than as I want them to be? Each and every one of us has our own level (s) of tolerance and expectations, and I have had to learn this lesson as well on these issues.
As we get ready for Thanksgiving, the day where we should be grateful for what we have, I invite you to examine what it is that you do not tolerate well as part of this process. Think about how we treat others who are different from ourselves, and what message we give to them when we become indifferent, give a look of disapproval, or tell them that they should be doing something different than the way we do it ourselves.
Taking action, doing good deeds, means accepting others for who they are, and how they do things and not as we would like them to be.
Thank you for your minds.
26 Comments:
This is all Greek, I mean, er Hebrew to me...
Cheers,
Mr. H.K.
Postcards from Hell's
Kitchen
And I Quote Blog
There are certain people I do not tolerate at all. Abusive, controlling, hurtful people. An example is my mother's husband who beat every child he could get his hands on.
Otherwise, I try to be open minded, but I know I'm not very successful at it. As a gen'l rule, I match attitudes. If you ignore me, I'll ignore you. If you treat me like shit, I'll treat you like shit. If you're pleasant, then I'll be pleasant.
There's a saying I heard a long time ago..
""People take different roads in life seeking fulfillment and happiness , Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost""
This has stuck with me thru the years....Only sending the best your way Barb!!!
I think it's reasonable to want support from the people around you. Buddhism (philosophy, not religion) teaches to recognize that want but not to dwell on it. Since being free from sufferring means taking life as it is and living a balanced life, acceptance is the desired end result. The idea, also, is not to harbor any ill feelings toward those who have let you down. Don't go out of your way for them, either, though. Exercise compassion balanced with caution. In other words, fool me once... I don't know if all of that made any sense, but the idea is that you need not be tolerant of other's bad behavior, but you need not be troubled by it, either.
You know, Polanco did an excellent post on this subject this week. I couldn't say it better myself, truthfully.
Ah! Polanco posted just before me. Ditto to that, too.
I am guilty of not tolerating some things. I was raised a fundamentalist Christian, and therefore sometimes seem to think that I can make fun of them. I would never, ever, make fun of Jews or Muslims, etc. I'm getting better about not poking fun at the more Over-the-top Christians. (But boy! People like Pat Robertson make my eyes roll. Just sayin'.)
I'm just hoping that people of all faiths sit down on Thursday and celebrate the country they call home. It's not about religion, race, sex, gender, but rather, it's a celebration of the land we all share.
Happy Thanksgiving.
In Judaism..the concept of being "Dan l'kaf zechus" (judging everyone favorably) is a very important ideal.
However in Halachic literature we find that this only pertains to "after the fact". In other words, if we invite someone into our home whose looks have you uneasy, you are allowed to hide your valubles.
If however something is stolen while he is there, then you have no right to accuse that individual and you must judge him favorably.
So it's not so black and white.
Very thought provoking blog...
David
Oh, ditto to TLP too.
Soon, I will stop blogging because everyone else is saying it for me. ;o)
BTW, Barbara, I have a post today you will be interested in.
Good comments as usual.
Saur, I will stop by.
Thank you for visiting, David. Is that provision you cite from the Talmud? If so, which tracate? I am glad you brought it up, actually, because it is a reminder, that in the beginning, our lenses from our own eyes should not be clouded by misjudgment.
Lack of tolerance, cp, is not exclusively limited to the religious area, and I think David, actually makes a good point, if true, that we just begin from a point of tolerance.
Look around you: how many of you run away when you see a homeless person on the street talking to himself, thinking he/she is about to harm you, and put a negative label on him, like nuts or crazy even stigtimizing him further?
Or how about when a man, who is slight and may talk softly is referred to as a fag? Those types of knee jerk, judgmental, instant labels are not only judgmental, but unkind as well.
Why not give people the initial benefit of the doubt and not put unkind labels upon them?
I agree that frum people are as intolerant as any other group...but I think that if not for this intolerance we could never have survived as we have for so long. I'm not condining it...and on an individual basis it must be taught that it's wrong. My son knows that if I ever hear a bad word from him about any ethnic group he gets severely punished.
But I think the cultural background here is as I stated. Our intolerance of reform..kept us Orthodox in Poland..there's no question.
D
There are types of people that I don't tolerate; one has to be careful is the reason you don't like them is becaise of actions you have done.
Sorry to hear that your daughter is in the hospital again...
Barbara, you say that you are disappointed in the way some of your family has not called or talked to you. Turn this around and ask yourself if you have done the same thing when one of them was in the hospital. I know it is hard when family doesn't respond to a member in crisis. I think sometimes it is because they can not handle the pain or they just don't know what to say. Some people just handle illness differently. Maybe they have not experienced an illness of this kind and they just don't realize how devastating it can be. You now have empathy for others because of what you are learning with your daughter. I didn't realize what kinds of things were needed in a family death until my mom died. I learned so much from going thru the experience. Now when someone dies, I know what I need to do to give help and compassion.
Right now you are feeling down and it is easy to judge when you are not up to snuff.
As far as tolerance goes, I do my best not to be intolerant. We have no right to judge others, that is the Lords job. We might be tolerante of others, but we do not have to embrace their behavior.
Good luck with your daughter and do your best to sit down on Thanksgiving morning and count your blessing. Talk to ya later.
Great comments, as usual.
Tolerance and acceptance seem to go hand in hand to a large degree.
Actually, Lucy, my daughter has not gotton out of the hospital yet. People who are ill take time to heal, and when she is ready to be released, the doctors will let us know. But she seems to be a bit better today, thankfully.
Actually, my close cousin has pancreatic cancer, and I know her family knows how to deal with illnesses, but perhaps, because of their own stuff, they have not called. My cousin calls, which makes it that much more important.
It is true, that when one experiences, death or illness, one learns more how to be there for others going through these ordeals.
eshet and david
i think you mixing up 2 issues as one there is intolerance and there is keeping distance i think frum jews keep distance
Aren't intolerance and keeping distance the same thing? People keep distance from each other because they don't want to interact or become "corrupted" with other points of view. Isn't that the same as intolerance? Tolerance is setting aside differences for the time being so that you can interact with someone and work together for the common good.
YY
We can tolerate people as people. I don't have tolerate behavior though. There is also the idea of rebuking someone if they're not behaving..is that a form of intolerance?
Culturally we have always been on our guard to be intolerant of new ideas spreading..from Christiantity..to Shabbetai Zvi...to Frankism...Reform..Communism..Bundism...the list goes on and on...
We had to be intolerant of these ideas and by extension those that espouse them, as they contained a great attraction to the youths of the time....
D
Hi,
Unfortunately in my community, while everybody civil with each other, the "types" of orthodoxy are pretty much not involved with each other.
About the people who don't call or visit, if you feel like giving them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they feel so helpless and uneasy that they just don't dare call, but are silently praying for you.
I have found that people are not tolerant at all. Oh yea we say we are, but really - deep down inside - nobody is.
But some people can hide it better than others.
Some people do not know how to handle adversity so they try and hide from it.
I have a problem with homeless people who talks to themselves. It's true. I didn't use to, though. A year ago one of those homeless stabbed four people on the tram in town two blocks away from where I live. I take that exact tram almost every day. It scared me. One of the youn men he stabbed died. Things like this doesn't happen often in Oslo, and it made an impression. I still take the tram, though. I'm not that scared. I just start when I see a homeless person talking to himself. I am working on it though...
Otherwise I totally agree with Polanco..
Lazy Iguana,
I don't understand your statement. Do you really believe that it is impossible to be tolerant? Tolerance does not imply acceptance. Interacting with someone who has beliefs different from yours is tolerance.
Lyndon Johnson once said...
Everyone hates the Jews. An Anti-Semite is one that hates them more than is neccesary.
D
David,
Interesting that you say that. My husband and I think that Jews, and this may be a stereotype, are good people who work hard and try to do what's right.
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