Measuring Life as if it were a "Number's Game"
First of all let me pour out my heart with words of gratitude for all of your kind, beautiful and wise remarks over these past weeks concerning my daughter. My husband and I are both so touched by the kindness that has been displayed, among those whom I do not know personally, but now feel a very close connection with in so many ways. As for my daughter, thankfully, she did show a bit of improvement yesterday, which makes me happy, but progress will be recovery will be one step (often a small one at a time.) As you can see, it is completely possible for a strong woman to become weak, fall down, and stumble.
During these difficult days, I have found myself making comparisons to others who have children or relatives in similar situations. Often one shows progress faster than another, or unfortunately, some show little, if any progress at all. It is tempting to judge progress, as it is each and every aspect of our lives by comparing our work, our state of health and our virtues to someone else's achievements. For example, when one person earns more money, receives more praise, has a bigger car or house, or recovers quickly, our efforts may appear to be diminished in stature in our own eyes.
Is it truly the case, that life is a numbers game? Do we measure and feel that the quantity of what we do, (good deeds, praise, recognition, amount of money we have, our job titles) often out-weighs and is more than the quality of our actions?
These past few weeks, I have been taught so many lessons about life, people, and being satisfied with baby steps. When I truly trust in God, I have a little less fear and more comfort.
Some people who I thought would be there for our family during this time, (even family members) have disappeared, for whatever reasons, it is not for me to judge, whereas others, often strangers, have been displayed the kindest of acts, with your posts, offering prayers, sending cards, emails, notes or posts, or quotes from the Talmud designed to distract me from the pain and make my thinking go to a deeper level.
Is it often the case that we make life about a number's game? What happens when we do, and how does the quality of our live's change when let go of the comparisons, and simply take each step as it is supposed to be, rather than as we desire it?
I hope this post is clear. It is as I am today, a bit cloudy, but with rays of light.
Thank you for your minds.
During these difficult days, I have found myself making comparisons to others who have children or relatives in similar situations. Often one shows progress faster than another, or unfortunately, some show little, if any progress at all. It is tempting to judge progress, as it is each and every aspect of our lives by comparing our work, our state of health and our virtues to someone else's achievements. For example, when one person earns more money, receives more praise, has a bigger car or house, or recovers quickly, our efforts may appear to be diminished in stature in our own eyes.
Is it truly the case, that life is a numbers game? Do we measure and feel that the quantity of what we do, (good deeds, praise, recognition, amount of money we have, our job titles) often out-weighs and is more than the quality of our actions?
These past few weeks, I have been taught so many lessons about life, people, and being satisfied with baby steps. When I truly trust in God, I have a little less fear and more comfort.
Some people who I thought would be there for our family during this time, (even family members) have disappeared, for whatever reasons, it is not for me to judge, whereas others, often strangers, have been displayed the kindest of acts, with your posts, offering prayers, sending cards, emails, notes or posts, or quotes from the Talmud designed to distract me from the pain and make my thinking go to a deeper level.
Is it often the case that we make life about a number's game? What happens when we do, and how does the quality of our live's change when let go of the comparisons, and simply take each step as it is supposed to be, rather than as we desire it?
I hope this post is clear. It is as I am today, a bit cloudy, but with rays of light.
Thank you for your minds.
9 Comments:
it always good when you can step away from "the numbers". almost everything has it's own timing and we shouldn't expect it to be faster or slower than that. i have a hard time getting away from "the numbers" myself -- not so much me trying to define my life by them, but others who define my life and thus i fall into that trap every now and then. but i think we can rise above it and should at least try to.
Hi Barbara,
I was traveling all last week, hosting my dad this past weekend, and will be traveling again all this week and next -- but I wanted to pop in quickly while I'm able to and see how you're doing (haven't had computer access while traveling).
Please know that sometimes people are silent because they feel their words won't be good enough, not because they don't care. Or they're silent because they're speechless. The situation is grave enough that they don't have any platitudes to share. They know that whatever they say will be trite and ineffectual. So they just listen or read and go away and pray for you. When people are feeling sympathetic toward me, I want to KNOW it, dammit! :-) BUT -- I'll take silent prayer over indifference any day.
Me, I've posted that I'm praying for you many times, and I still am. But I have no words of wisdom, no suggestions, no reassurance, and certainly no advice. All I can offer is my ear (metaphorically, since this is a blog and I'm actually using my eyes). :-)
Be assured that you have many people who are thinking about you and praying for you, even if they don't check in daily or use a multi-media approach (blog, email, phone) to convey their concern to you. Sometimes the most humble and sincere people are the quietest.
Good to hear from you all. Thank you again for your kind remarks.
elsa, stepping away from the number's game is in fact healthy as you point out.
Ike- thank you and I hope your family is well too.
LI- you have such a wise and powerful voice. I can tell that you speak from a giant heart.
WW- Know that I am secure in knowing you are here for me, as you always have been. I hope you are feeling good, and that your pregnancy is going well. With everything going on, I am sorry I have not emailed you to keep in touch.
I don't think it's a number's game, but I think people try to make it out to be because that makes things look ordered, and therefore; easier to deal with, control, etc... Though we can learn from the similarities we share with others, we cannot compare ourselves to them. Our lives as a whole are different, even if the events in them are not. Even two people experiencing something at the same time will see it in two completely different ways.
Our actions, thoughts, and deeds cannot be measured. Something that is a great sacrifice to you may not be to me. We cannot even measure these things against what we have done in the past. I am not the same as I was yesterday. All we can do is try our best from day to day. We are not perfect. We will not always improve. Our own fear is a greater obstacle than anything life can throw at us. Life is too serious to be a game, and too random to have anything to do with numbers. The probability that something will happen is still only a probability.
Barbara, I've been criminally remiss in posting to you regarding your daughter - please know that you have my thoughts and prayers. You break my heart with your posts...I can feel that pain, that swimming in agony rooted in great love.
Bless you. Keep writing, keep posting.
Barbara, please be mohel (forgive) me for not commenting or writing to you sooner. I read your blog and comments here and there. But with all the email I respond to, blogs I visit, and very hectic non-computer life I was a bit remiss.
I truely wish there was something I could say to take your pain away.My best wishes to you..
Barbara, Sometimes when things get tough many people do not know how to react to those suffering. It's not something that most people are taught. Most people are too involved with their own feelings, life, shit, whatever, to respond to others suffering. Your posting attracts those who can support you. Sometimes it is easier to support someone when they are not too close physically.
Anyway, did that make sense? We love you.
Scott W,
Point well taken. My comments regarding support, actually were more directed towards family members from both sides, and not others. But you are right, it is difficult to deal with these issues directly.
See my post above as to how I am keeping myself occupied.
It sounds like you are doing the best that you can and sometimes that is all you can do, unsatisfying though it may be.
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