Do Men or Women Age Better? Is This A Fair Question?
As posted on Thursday, we had the magnificent opportunity to attend a music festival this weekend. It was a magical experience, and for several hours, I was left with an almost indescribable feeling of ravishing beauty that captured all of the senses. What a great feeling of joy!
While there, I ran into a few people whom we had not seen in years. My husband commented that we seemed to be in about the right age group for now, this crowd, which had grown considerably since the first time we attended many years ago, began to look 'older.' When he made that comment, coupled with someone telling me that I looked good, it made me look around me and think about something (my most passionate past-time) regarding how men and women age.
As a woman, it is clearly the case that we have the so many opportunities at our finger-tips to help us with the aging process, from cosmetics, to plastic surgery, to uplifting bras, girdles, flattering clothing, hair dyes and many more items of indulgence that the imagination and pocket-book can run empty just by thinking about what they are. Men, are beginning to dabble in these indulgences as well, and many take advantage of them to their benefit too.
When I looked around me, I noticed that there were many women, probably in my age bracket, who appeared to have shown the signs of their age more. Many were overweight, dressed frumpy, allowed their hair and skin to appear to be lack-luster, and seemed to let themselves fall apart. I am no beauty, but I consider myself a woman who enjoys taking care of herself in every sense. I exercise more than one hour (each and every day), I still wear jeans (and even bought a very flattering pair of designer ones recently) and love how make-up and hair color and cut can transform a face with very few strokes. And of course, I take great effort to allow myself to be spiritually fit as well. Of course, there were men there too, who let themselves go, had pot-bellys and showed little interest in being dressed well too, but for the most part, it made me think that men, as a group might age better than women, in spite of all of the tools we have available to us to enhance our personal appearances.
Here is the question of the day? Do you think men or women age better? Is this even a fair question? What factors contribute to a person's aging well? Should spiritual satisfaction and good mental health be a part of the equation as to what makes an individual age well? Is aging something that goes beyond the physical, and can it be said, that as we grow older, some of us age by maturity while others stay put inside of a Peter Pan mentality?
Thank you for your minds.
While there, I ran into a few people whom we had not seen in years. My husband commented that we seemed to be in about the right age group for now, this crowd, which had grown considerably since the first time we attended many years ago, began to look 'older.' When he made that comment, coupled with someone telling me that I looked good, it made me look around me and think about something (my most passionate past-time) regarding how men and women age.
As a woman, it is clearly the case that we have the so many opportunities at our finger-tips to help us with the aging process, from cosmetics, to plastic surgery, to uplifting bras, girdles, flattering clothing, hair dyes and many more items of indulgence that the imagination and pocket-book can run empty just by thinking about what they are. Men, are beginning to dabble in these indulgences as well, and many take advantage of them to their benefit too.
When I looked around me, I noticed that there were many women, probably in my age bracket, who appeared to have shown the signs of their age more. Many were overweight, dressed frumpy, allowed their hair and skin to appear to be lack-luster, and seemed to let themselves fall apart. I am no beauty, but I consider myself a woman who enjoys taking care of herself in every sense. I exercise more than one hour (each and every day), I still wear jeans (and even bought a very flattering pair of designer ones recently) and love how make-up and hair color and cut can transform a face with very few strokes. And of course, I take great effort to allow myself to be spiritually fit as well. Of course, there were men there too, who let themselves go, had pot-bellys and showed little interest in being dressed well too, but for the most part, it made me think that men, as a group might age better than women, in spite of all of the tools we have available to us to enhance our personal appearances.
Here is the question of the day? Do you think men or women age better? Is this even a fair question? What factors contribute to a person's aging well? Should spiritual satisfaction and good mental health be a part of the equation as to what makes an individual age well? Is aging something that goes beyond the physical, and can it be said, that as we grow older, some of us age by maturity while others stay put inside of a Peter Pan mentality?
Thank you for your minds.
17 Comments:
IM the first one to comment in one of your post.. you must be kidding...!! Luck might be changing todayh for me.
Glad you had a good time at the festival!
You know the old adage has been that men aged gracely. I am not so sure; is just that women were always held to a higher standard most of the time.. so when the women aged, the gap between the standard and the actuality was bigger.
You know, I am so glad you brought up this question of plastic surgery, lately it seems to me that those who have had surgery, as they keep aging, look worst. Sort of a Michael Jackson syndrome.
I love this one girl once, she always had a boyfriend or a husband, but I saw her the other day and between eye lift, botox and lips implant she does not lookk like the very vute girl I met 16 years ago!!
You asked if mental health plays a part. Definitely!! I have aged so much since mom died two years ago!! I am definitely certain that besides genes, worrying gives you gray hair.
Now, in the past generations women have stayed home taken care of the kids etcetera; is there any better recipe to get old? I believe they need to be involved in other activities (physical or social) that makes the woman emotionally young. i.e. when I was a kid the best looking mommies were the ones in the PTA... coincidence?
It's genetics...at least in some part.
I think there is a great deal of staying youthful in keeping your mind and spirit active. It so shows in your physical appearance.
My husband's grandmother is 83. She looks sixty. It's genetic (Her parents lived into their 100s) but it's also because she fills her days with gratifying hobbies. That was also true of Grandpa, who passed away last year at 88. When his body suddenly failed him he was shocked and felt betrayed. He didn't look 88 until his body decided it was old.
Grandma's twin sister doesn't look near as young even though they are identical. She concerns herself with a different life philosophy. Sure, they look the same but Grandma's twin doesn't have that sparkle in her eyes or smile. Her spirit is old and it shows.
I don't think it's a gender issue. I've seen many couples where one or the other hasn't aged well.
Rather, I think it's how you age. Drinkers, smokers, people with bad eating habits, etc. can significanlty affect how they look over time.
People who make friends with their Inner Child need not worry about the effects of aging,,, that is my path at the moment...
Love you Much,
Scott
Good question and timely too!
I honestly believe aging gracefully and retaining that zestful sparkle in the eyes comes from our own state of mind. I just returned from attending a reunion with "camp" friends. Everyone looked fabulous! You know why? Confidence, excitement, sense of belonging and sense of self all shone through. It didn't matter whether they had gained weight, lost their hair, added a few wrinkles or had allowed their hair to grey out....... they looked vibrant and young again.
Having stated that........ I do think that women have more of a tendancy to lose themselves in the multiple roles they have to juggle. Women, if they aren't paying attention can easily lose themselves....their core being......in all those roles. Once the "nucleus" is gone...or relayered as in your analogy of the onion.......they age.
I write from experience. For some reason I allowed myself to be covered up with different "faces"..mom, wife, career person, counsellor, daughter, friend, blah, blah......then one day last summer I met a new friend and for whatever reason, our meeting woke me up. I started writing and thinking again. I found the bounce in my step. Within a month.....with no plastic surgery or thigh fat sucking :o)... my friends and colleagues started commenting on my appearance. The zest and sparkle was back. So was my interest in re-investing in my spiritual roots. So was my happiness...my inner self felt like it was glowing and it showed.
Lesson learned. It will not happen again.
have a marvellously fulfilling day!
i think that men - even without too much care - will age better physically - in looks - don't know about their innards - lol -
women need to take great care in order to remain youthful looking..
i too study people around me alot!
Barbara - just a comment - your posts are really great - love all the comments you get!
Yes, genetics are definitely a factor. Also, the way one takes care of his/her body, including diet and exercise are important as well.
That being said, I still think, from what I see, for the most part (not completely), men age better than women.
I think it has to do with genetics and how well a person takes care of his or her body. My spouse looks 17 and is 28... I have another friend who looks 30 ish and he is 65... I don't really know how they do it. But i don't think gender is a factor
I agree barbara, it does seem that men age better then women.
For instance grey hair on a man is very sexy, but not so much on a woman.
Perception has a lot to do with it.
We tend to see older men as authority figures w/power & that's attractive.
But, older women are seen as worn out, barren.
& I think awareness is right about mental attitude affecting how people see your youthfulness.
Genetics plays a role in the aging process. So does one's health habits. But I think men tend to age better than women. Or maybe we don't expect as much from men as they age.
I am jealous of my husband. He looks lots younger than his 63 years. He has a full head of hair, very little gray in it, and he has retained his baby face look. Whereas, my hair is gray and my face, due to its bone structure, shows my age. But when you compare his health to mine, I have the edge. So, I might look older than him, but I may outlive him nonetheless.
hi ... like your question. it makes me have a question back ... would you have asked this if it were the other way around (meaning, most women might have looked better than you). nothing personal ... just made me think. maybe because of people i work with ... seems the "beautiful" people notice this and others don't. i guess i'm a people observer as well ... just wondering.
eLsa,
I appreciate your question, and as I am beginning to age, meaning wrinkles are showing, hair is graying (one person's beauty is another's beast), it made me pause to think about this question myself. Personally, although many around me have had some type of surgery done, or botox, or other chemical remedies to themselves, I myself still struggle with this as an answer to aging. That being said, I love to look the best I can with what I have.
I think aging is influenced first and foremost by genetics, and then by degrees of consciousness. The different hormones probably play a significant role in aging, but cellular regeneration has it's limits. Our society, on the other hand, allows men to age gracefully, and women to just get old.
Consciousness of one's existence, or being is key to aging gracefully. Who do I want to be in twenty years; do I want to be a hunched over hobbling, fretful woman, or do I want to hold my head up high and carry myself with the grace of a dancer across life's experiences.......
I believe that age is merely a state of mind. While that has more to do with attitude than appearance, I think that the same applies to the ways in which people seem to age physically.
I do not believe that men or women age better or worse than one another. I think the primary influence that helps a person age well is their pursuit of happiness, inner peace, balance, enlightenment – however you want to term it.
When I meet someone who has a genuine love of life, a true ability to hold onto the “wonder of a child” in their own lives, and the ability to continue to seek and find happiness amid the inevitable hardships which we must all face throughout our lives, that is when I see true eternal youth shining clearly through their eyes.
Gotta drag out the epitome of getting old "gracefully", here.
Steve's Grandma Ruby got t'her nineties before dropping to the ground with a stroke, and even then, after three days of laying in her urine and disabled state, she got swept up and taken t'one of those old folks stay alive places....and put in another three or four years there, though, those at the home were reluctant, and for the length of time there, she laid in her bed grouchy about not being t'home.
The winter before had been a tough ice winter, but still, every day she would get out with her shovel and clean the walk in front of her place and even shovel some of the neighbors' walks, if she favored them. The postman loved her!
In the spring, she would be hard at her garden and tending to her peonies and other plants, and truthfully speaking, no weed survived her! She would take her shovel and "dance" on every weed with great vigor...cutting off their leaves, picking at their root tops....
High summer would find her sweeping and cleaning the brick sidewalk, some of the street, and caring for the dog chained up in the yard two houses away. They never took very good care of their pet beagle, and though Ruby didn't particularly like dogs (she had two cats, one of which used to feed on the kitchen table with her in the afternoons...) and all the while, she would be keeping her trees pruned buy climbing a ten foot ladder with a pair of loppers...I mean, do ya get the drift of this woman?
In the fall, she would be after every leaf that fell off her tree and all others, too. That's what we nicknamed her, though never actually calling her that in person...Leaf Raker Granny.
Wow! Tough ol' broad.
Even after the stroke, even though she was not really mobile, she would tryu t'get out'a bed and fall, run into things, and just bruise the dickens outa herself.
We were sure that, even as she passed on, she hade a Heavenly shovel in her mits and GOD better have something t'do with her or she'll be planting her own plants where ever she willed it.
Her secret seemed t'be thgings like eating chicken, ham, cabbage, onions and all cooked in some ancient lard that none of any of us remember her ever being without.
Probably the jar was older than the eldest of any of her kids.
Didn't smoke, didn't drink, but didn't really mind others who did.
Married twice, once to a lazy beggar that only had opinions, once to a carpenter whom she loved dearly and stayed with until his death. He was seventy two.
She had a great sense of humor, and took great joy in pulling peoples legs, or as she would gleefully remark with sparkles in her eye, "got'em hook, line AND sinker!"
No make-up, no hair color, no chemicals if she could avoid it. Would rather pick bugs off her plants by hand than buy spray.
OK, that's the epitome of a "working" woman living long.
Oldest guy I ever met up with, we were both in the VA hospital for operations of two different sorts. We got t'be friends because we both smoked, and would meet often at a great backdoor spot to smoke at.
He was 98 then. I suppose he's dead now, though, since that was some 34 years ago.
But, he drank, and his grandson would bring in a small bottle of Crown Royal every week.
He smoked Pall Mall non-filter cigarettes with great, deep puffs.
He had served with Theodore Roosesvelt in the Spanish American War, and a fair amount of magazines were lining him up for interviews, one of which he got while in the hospital.
The man could do cartwheels, and would occassionally for the nurses....and his aim wasn't always to entertain, either. He had one of the few private rooms availiable, and sometimes we would hear "fun-making" going on in the room at night.
Hmmm....
Neither of these are going t'make a good example of living long. One was a work-a-holic and the other a playboy-warrior of sorts.
But, I'm almost sure that no amount of "fake" youngness will work. Fake hair, face, plastic surgery, cosmetics of any kind.
In fact, the pink haired ladies (who used auburn type colors) and blue hairs (who used brunette and darker colors) and yellow/wispy haired (blonde color and peroxides) seem to generally fall to the side quicker. Could it be that if they hadn't used all that cosmetic help all those years, they may have lived longer?
Dunno 'bout that. Catherine Miller got t'age 93, and she wore cosmetics, and I believe that she may have colored her hair a bit when she was younger. Great gal! Grew up in the hills and valleys south. Could outwit anybody in church, and would if they were asking for it. Sharp as a whip!
When her daughter first started trying t'get her into the assisted home, she would come back t'church talking about being put in the kennel why her family was out'a town. Got so her daughter (who also has a great sense of humor) used t'bring her dog biscuits....
Dang! I really miss that one! Used t'go to the home t'visit with her all the time. We'de do things like explore how t'get out'a the building fast in case of fire, count how many smokers came out the lunch room t'smoke instead of where they were supposed t'go. I ain't no big time pianist, but, there are pianoes around the place, and I would sit and "plunkit" fer some. Folks liked it though, probably because it was something different from the routine.
Maybe that's something, eh?
People actually die of "old age" when they're done living. Maybe they think they're done living sooner than they would have died but, because they THOUGHT they were done, they just gave up.
Dang! That's a lot of words fer that little bit of answer....
Can't really speak to it much, though, because, well, other things take precedent over things like death.
Cancer for one.
Other diseases, like hiv or aids. And, no. That has nothing to do with a person's sexual ideology. I know that because Ryan White was from m'state. Just a lil further north, actually. He just went t'get blood, and even though he wasn't even in high school yet, he contracted the virus and died within a year and a half.
Then there's things like traffic accidents, murder, oddities such as drowning (?) and falling from tall buildings (??)
I think your question would be best answered by most of the old folks in the mountains in Georgia, Russia. I heard they have the oldest folks in the world (as a population, not individuals)
While some get to way over a hundred, most make it to ninety.
Vodka and yogurt and goat's cheese products....
Well, this ain't gettin any shorter, and I can't just keep going on about these old people.
I gotta get out and get some more stretchers for m'canvases, buy some weedeater string and get the back two acres trimmed before the lawn guy shows up (our mower busted) get dinner ready, which reminds me, I need milk while I'm out. Still have t'get the extra room cleaned out in the barn for he new studio, and feed the dogs and find a good wine for tonight.
The 92 Cab Franc is gone (wonderful stuff, that)
But, we've had some good flavors from the 04 Cristopher Creek Pinot, so, I reckon that'll be the one for tonight.
Yeah, we know to hang on to those for a few years, but, we have four bottles of the reserve and I think six of the old vine, and that'll be the one, eh?
And, hopefully, as much work tomorrow as today and so on and so on and so on...
See Ya!
Greetings. I've been provoked into commenting. Now who can I blame for that?
Aside from a general predisposition to health - genetics - aging has an almost linear relationship to body-fat content. A great deal of the "aging" hormones that a body produces come from fat cells, and the larger the cell, the greater its capacity for hormone production. Ideal male body fat is considered about 15%, ideal female about 25%. The minimum body fat to maintain healthy function is abut 3% for men, 12% for women.
Further, testosterone is an anabolic, muscle-bone building, hormone, and men have about 10x more than women. Estrogen is necessary for female health, giving women a stronger heart and a higher capacity to withstand pain (childbearing). Alas, it fades out of the picture in middle age, at which time female incidence of heart disease rises to match that of men.
So. From a purely hormonal perspective, men are predisposed to "age" better than women. But it isn't so straightforward, because women are highly incentivized to care for themselves more than men. We do love to be taken care of. While women have a greater propensity to gain weight, they have a complementary disincentive to do so – appearance. In past generations, when women had less economic independence, maintaining attractiveness was a necessary survival skill. That legacy lives on, whether a merely social phenomenon, or something ingrained in the human psyche (which I expect – Margaret Mead fabricated much of her Samoan data.)
Putting biology aside, it has, obviously, to do with lifestyle. Men, it seems, drink more alcohol and eat more meat. Women eat more refined carbs. When these excesses are leveled off, when the body is honored as the container of mind and spirit, then who is it that ages more gracefully? Given two lean people, man and woman, of equal age and temperate habits, who appears the more youthful?
Lines suit a man. A craggy face seems fitting, and bears out the virtues of masculinity. Sean Connery – better looking now than 30 years ago. Not everyone is given to be eternally smooth, a trait so highly correlated with youth. So if lines do come, the man wears them better, superficially. This, combined with the fact that a lean man is just going to sag less than a slender woman, tips the scale in favor of men, I think, in this question.
None of this has anything to do with true beauty. But if we were to do just a number-crunching analysis of objective signs of aging, I think men have it easier. I could be wrong, though.
Best,
Jack H
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home