A Good Argument vs. A Mean-Spirited Battle

Even though Thanksgiving day was marred by circumstances beyond my control, the absence of my father, the illness of my daughter and the distance from my son, it still turned out to be a very good day. Sometimes, when we least expect it, a day we think will be difficult turns out to be joyful in its own way. Our daughter is getting better, and responding well to the treatment, and making very good progress. To me, this was indeed a very great blessing, and one that made the day special.

As many know by now from reading my blog for months, I love a good argument. Unfortunately, because of the difficulties in my life, I have not been able to post my usual questions of the day, asking for most of your opinions, from politics, to religion to life-style. Being able to see how people view an issue, and more specifically make their points, is thrilling. Most people are kind, passionate and good, and argue with respect for others. Then there are those I have noticed, who turn an argument into a personal attack, resulting in mean-spirited accusations going back and forth. I too can be guilty of this knee jerk angry behavior, and when attacked it is possible for me to fight back in an unpleasant way. I can tell you ipso facto, that afterwards, when I get like this, I regret it and wish that the mean words could dissolve like an alka-seltzer tablet in water.

In the prayer books, for the Jewish High Holidays, we are asked to watch our tongues, and measure our words carefully before we speak. Sometimes, when we feel attacked, it is difficult to retain such composure, but some people come out no matter what is said with a full set of gloves on read to swing hard and hit below the belt. There are some people, whose souls are filled with anger and hate, I have noticed, and begin by insulting a persons mind, body and character. Do they hope that they can whip us into shape by their hard words? This can be done even if the individual does not know the other person. For example, the other day, I made a comment on someone's blog, not directed to this person in particular, and found myself being called a fat cow, obese, a bad mother, and then was threatened and told that a virus would be sent to my computer. This person does not know me, what I look like, or anything, how often I visit my daughter, if visiting hours are limited, nothing, yet felt the need to "hit below the belt" and be unkind and hateful. Why do people respond like this? What do they hope to gain? Does it not say more about them then it does about us? This is not just limited to the veil of safety from the computer, as I know people who can be equally vicious in person, and when something is said, instead, of taking a breathe, the individual comes out with a personal, hateful attack. Frankly, I do not hurt so much when this is done, as I know who I am, but wonder what it is inside a person's soul that makes him/her be so angry and hateful? We may say, consider the source, the person is sick, was abused, has issues, but do these explanations really provide an excuse for such unpleasant behavior? Is it always so easy to accept those as they are and walk away?

I read something in a book a few years ago that helped me to become quieter inside. It said, when feeling like saying something mean, stop, take a deep breathe, and stay still as a log. The feelings of anger, hate, resentment and pain will stop, and you can let go.

For those who have a long weekend, I wish you a good and peaceful day, and hope that all good comes to be.

Thank you for your minds.