Can we Write to Save Ourselves?
It has been more than two months since a post has graced the blog of Women on the Verge of Thinking. The primary reason that I have not posted is because there is not enough time during the day, with a job that begins at 8 and ends at 5pm, and all that time is predominately spent in court. But if the truth be told, I really miss writing. It feels as if a part of my own self has been lost away, stored on some shelf left to collect mold in a remote corner of a hidden place.
There has also been much pain and sadness here, on a personal level. Without going into many details, and display my life like an open book, I think it is best to retreat from the subject matter and just say that there is an issue of illness, loss and grief that has been consuming our family. It has been a real test here, since being completely powerless and unable to make something happen over which I have no control has surfaced. This has been a great test, in my opinion, and I have had to really learn to let go, and abandon myself to G-d and trust in Him, that all is in His hands. It seems to me, at least, where I get stuck, and where all the uncertainty begins to surface is when worry sets in. Why do we worry, and why do we have fear? It seems it is because we do not completely TRUST in G-d, but believe more in our heads and what we think, fear or worry about. I am learning that no matter how much I worry or fear or stress about anything, the result will be the same, with the exception of the fact that we can be miserable on top of everything because we chose to hold on for dear life, and not let go.
When the pain becomes so strong, and difficult, all one can do is let go in order to get to the other side. Each and every day, I am trying to do this, one step at a time. I am thankful, grateful in fact for a group of loving friends, and family members who are truly there for us unconditionally during this extremely difficult time in our lives.
It feels better to have written tonight. I have always felt that writing is a form of transformation, where we can, through our own words, branch out, and if all dreams are possible, in the best of all possible worlds, make our way to that other side safely.
Thank you for your minds.
There has also been much pain and sadness here, on a personal level. Without going into many details, and display my life like an open book, I think it is best to retreat from the subject matter and just say that there is an issue of illness, loss and grief that has been consuming our family. It has been a real test here, since being completely powerless and unable to make something happen over which I have no control has surfaced. This has been a great test, in my opinion, and I have had to really learn to let go, and abandon myself to G-d and trust in Him, that all is in His hands. It seems to me, at least, where I get stuck, and where all the uncertainty begins to surface is when worry sets in. Why do we worry, and why do we have fear? It seems it is because we do not completely TRUST in G-d, but believe more in our heads and what we think, fear or worry about. I am learning that no matter how much I worry or fear or stress about anything, the result will be the same, with the exception of the fact that we can be miserable on top of everything because we chose to hold on for dear life, and not let go.
When the pain becomes so strong, and difficult, all one can do is let go in order to get to the other side. Each and every day, I am trying to do this, one step at a time. I am thankful, grateful in fact for a group of loving friends, and family members who are truly there for us unconditionally during this extremely difficult time in our lives.
It feels better to have written tonight. I have always felt that writing is a form of transformation, where we can, through our own words, branch out, and if all dreams are possible, in the best of all possible worlds, make our way to that other side safely.
Thank you for your minds.
13 Comments:
I miss your blog it always made me think.
For me fear is caused by the unknown.
I check here periodically to see if Barbara has returned. I am glad you decided to come back and utilize your gift of writing for personal healing.
Welcome back!
Hi Pepperlady and Susie q.
Thank you for your kind words, they mean a great deal to me. I was not aware anyone still read my blog, and wrote this post because I needed to express my emotions into words.
Be well.
Welcome back, even if it's only for this one post. I check back every once in a while. I enjoyed your comments and the comments of your readers.
Best wishes to you. I'm sorry life is sending such pain your way these days.
WW
I too check in periodically.
It's a shame that often, when people don't know what to say, they say nothing. Too much fear of saying the wrong thing, I suppose. But that just adds to the isolation of the person suffering.
When you and I have discussed this issue privately via email, I've frequently been at a loss for words. There's nothing reassuring to say. All I can say is the truth: I've been praying for you.
{{{{{{{B}}}}}}}}
ive been lurking for a long time, blogging just recently. i have always enjoyed your posts i hope all goes well for you and your family.
I miss your blog too. I know that your job has made writing more difficult, but if I may say so, I think you NEED to write, even if it's not directly about the most pressing matters in your life at the moment. Please keep posting. :-)
It is so nice to see old names here, and a new one, Lakewood schmuck...It really warms my heart.
There has definitely been a very difficult and rough patch here lately, and unfortunately, I am unable to find the time to write enough, which as many of you know, is a true passion for me.
Thank you again for your kind words.
I knew you'd find some time to post a little.
As always your fighting spirit is to be found in your post.
It is so nice to see such familiar 'names' here.
The daily working hours, coupled with the stressful circumstances now, at this moment, make it virtually impossible to blog.
Thank you all for thinking of me.
It's good to see you posting again. I'm sorry for what you're going through. It sounds as though you know what to do. Knowing what to do, however, doesn't necessarily make it any easier. In fact, often just the opposite is true.
My prayers are with you and your family. One day at a time...
Mike
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