The Veil of the Internet
For the past couple of days, I have been blog surfing and stumbled across some very interesting sites. Without going into any specific detail, as I do not want to be negative nor direct any particular attention to anyone in specifically, I discovered a string of blogs whereby people were opening talking about subjects and in manners that they would not reveal in the real world. In some ways, it reminded me of those situations where people who drink alcohol say that the drink frees them to be, act and think in ways that they would not be but for the power of the intoxicant. In other words, men see themselves as looking like George Clooney, and women, who may be reticent or shy are now dancing on the tables, or talking about subjects that normally would escape them, some disclosing intimate details about their personal lives.
So here is the question of the day: To what extent does the internet allow you to talk about subjects that you would not normally discuss in your real life? Are you still true to yourselves, or do you invent an entirely new persona and create someone different than who you really are in the world at large? If so, are you hiding behind the veil of the internet, or is the 'real you' longing to surface?
Thank you for your minds.
So here is the question of the day: To what extent does the internet allow you to talk about subjects that you would not normally discuss in your real life? Are you still true to yourselves, or do you invent an entirely new persona and create someone different than who you really are in the world at large? If so, are you hiding behind the veil of the internet, or is the 'real you' longing to surface?
Thank you for your minds.
37 Comments:
i don't hide behind the internet. i'm myself. i don't disclose anything i wouldn't tell someone who knew me. i do vent on my blog -- this way i don't have to bother those who do know me :). i would guess like anything -- people being writers and just people writing.
I'm pretty much myself on my Aral PPP blog. If anything, I'm more restrained on my blog than I am in real life.
However, some blogs are intentionally done under a false persona (like "Ask the Pope"), and I think that's fun, too. I'm sure some of the writer's real personality comes through in the Pope blog -- probably more than s/he would like!
I don't hide anything or invent anything. (Well, okay, I lied about dddragon's cat Chatham. He didn't order a gun or a hit man, but he DID BITE me and cause me to be on antibiotics.)
My daughters and granddaughters read my blog, so I don't hide anything except my real name. Not sure why I'm hiding that.
I guess I'm pretty much myself because I'm not anonymous to the friends and family who read my blog. I can see how it would be fun, though, to take on a whole different persona to "fool" other people. This is what prank calling was all about in middle school. We pretended to be someone else and called up people with our new identities. It's always fun to play around with alternate identities.
I am really a large green lizard who can read and type!
I hope the LSD never wears off.
Yes. Some people do create personas, like the devil and the pope, but what I am talking about is how the internet gives some the opportunity to invent or re-invent themselves, say and do things that would not otherwise occur.
For the record, I speak my mind as I am out there in the real world.
The only thing I "hide" is my name. I am open and honest on my blog, although I find myself *not* talking about things that I want to because I don't want to offend or hurt those whom I know that read it. It's something I struggle with and have considered starting another blog without telling anyone so I can say whatever I want.
I can certainly see where the internet provides a certain kind of refuge or opportunity to perhaps be a little more 'vocal' or adamant on a topic. I am different as a writer than I am as a speaker, although my personality is revealed through both. On the blogs, I probably tend to actually shy away more from hardline opinions simply because of the format. It is so easy to rip off a post, not check for accuracy or completeness of thought and be misunderstood and then perhaps not have the chance to rectify or qualify. Some of these topics are so huge and so intricate that a blurb on a post can be taken in so many ways because we don't have the benefit of knowing the post-er and knowing their frames of reference. I think taking a good deep breath is a good thing to do before launching into a reply post...and then take another long one before hitting "publish." I think, too (myself included) that because of the blocky way we respond back and forth that it would be a good rule of thumb to steer clear of superlative language and the all-encompassing characterizations that serve no purpose except to get people ticked off. (I'm another one of those on BP meds, so I laugh when I read the others who have to do a little meditation to get through the posts!) I also try to steer clear of anything that I am just truly emotionally caught up in...I know that I won't change someone's mind who is diametrically opposed to my opinion, and it is not worth the angst that I feel about it to engage in a conversation where there wouldn't be any resolution anyway.
That was a very long and rambling answer that "yes, I do believe that people use the anonymity of the internet to be more vocal or more combative or more controversial or more whatever because it is not 'direct' communication."
I've done both. In my first interactions with the internet, in the late 1990s, I found its anonymity incredibly freeing and utilized a net persona. But my use of the net has evolved away from that. Today I consciously use my blog as a desensitization -- nearly therapeutic -- tool in determination to be authentic in communication with others. Evolution is an interesting thing here. My early use of the web was to communicate TO others; my use today is to communicate WITH others. But it can definitely go both ways. BTW, B, the web has some very dark corners. I think some vulnerable personalities really need to be careful of where they let themselves go.
I'm a pretty open person in real life so the things I say on the internet are not different from those I say IRL. Sometimes I shock people but I don't really care. I just prefer to let it all hang out.
Except.... I also like to pontificate and when I do that in real life I notice that people's eyes glaze over. In cyberspace I'm free to take as long as I want to explain my point of view and if people don't want to read it they can click on something else. I can explore things in more depth than normal conversation allows. I like that.
It's hard for me to say... I'm a vulgar, outspoken, outrageous malcontent who enjoys spouting my virulent brand of evil filth...
yet at other times I'm pretty much the nicest guy on the planet...
Most people who know me in more than one social situation often note the 2 extreme sides of my personality, usually it's "Oh my god, you're so nice outside of..."
Is it a schizophrenic disorder, probably not.. maybe I'm just true to ALL my feelings and don't try to hide my soft side and still be unrelenting in my vicious convictions
Bohica -- I have to tell you that that was probably one of the most refreshing responses I have seen in awhile! I love your self-assessment and apparent comfort with who you are. I have not had a lot to smile about over the past week, so that was a sincere treat to read that. Don't know why it struck me so, but couldn't let it go without commenting that I just liked it. (And I think if we're all honest, we can probably identify with it just a bit, too!)
Like Kate and Bohica, I think this media allows us to explore our thoughts and ideas more deeply and also provides freedom to "say" things we probably would only think and not speak in conversation with strangers.
I like Whit's attitude. I found a few of his comments to be very insight and studied the last few days (first of his I noticed), and now I can see why. Me? I tend to let it fly and work it out later.
Iguana - I can tell you that the acid never wears off, you have already stopped seeing things the way you did before. Not saying that it's good or bad, but you are definitely through the door into someplace different.
But then again, isn't everyday like that for everyone?
I hide from all truth. Truth is over rated. In real life I say things like "shit" and "fuck" and "wheres the ashtray"
I am pretty much the same person whether on-line or face to face but there are some definite differences. My blog allows me to vent and perhaps be more confrontational than I am in real life. In that way I guess my personality is a bit exaggerated by the anonymity of the internet.
I do say things that I normally wouldn't say in a personal setting. Only two people of my aquaintance are aware of my blog so I feel free to say things about my emotions regarding my family and close friends, things that might otherwise hurt those who are closest to me.
What I find interesting about the blogging experience is the fact that very little of who I actually am ends up in what I write. I think that my blog allows me to send out a snapshot of my personality. Somedays the angle is good, other days the snapshot gets my bad side but either way it never really captures everything that makes up GodlessMom. Although I am honest about my thoughts and feelings when I'm on-line I'm not sure that anyone who knows me from bloggerland would recognize me in real life. Does that sound weird?
i suppose the reason i am blogging is to find what i believe to be my authentic voice so although i am anonymous, i think i am who i am in real life
in fact, a close friend who read my blog said he could 'hear my voice' in what i wrote
i'm not 100% sure why anonymity (i.e. giving my name and more personal details) is important for me, but it's something to do with wanting to build my confidence and voice...and a little to do with security (i've read of bloggers who've ended up being stalked etc.) but i'm open to considering revealing myself at some point in the future! and besides, some people who post comments *do* know who i am but they are good enough just to call me UC
but i definitely think some people hide behind the anonymity you can have online and use this in the wrong way - i do think carefully about whatever i post on other people's blogs as i know how quickly i myself might take a tough comment to heart
good topic!
I agree with urban chick. Some people do use anonymonity in an inappropriate way, as I have found out from some of these other blogs, to be who they cannot, say what they will not, often in a mean-spirted, unkind way. Others, can use anonymonity to express and find themselves in a more authentic voice. Is there a difference to you?
It never occurred to me to "be" a different person online. I'm completely myself - maybe too much so sometimes! I open up more, and I think people online see MORE of the real me than most people in the "real world". Writing has always been the easiest form of communication for me, and I do better when contact isn't face-to-face, so the internet is perfect for me :)
For me, what you see is truly what you get. I will discuss most things on my blog and others. However, I am cautious about certain things on my blog such as using people's names if they prefer it not be public. I am on a photo blog and will not post pics of family for their own comfort reasons.
I do have issues when people are one way on line and totally different in person. I do have an online friend (who I have to remain nameless) who would not continue a friendship in real life; nor would it be acceptable. I ask this person often how the internet is any different than in person. If I am someone with whom they would not communicate outside this forum, I think it's interesting how the internet seems to make the unacceptable, an acceptable.
I only ask that if a person communicates on line in a way in which they wouldn't in real life; that they are at peace with themselves in doing so.
Hey B. Interesting topic.
One of the greatest joys of being on the internet has been meeting some truly amazing people whom I've become friends with. I don't think that can happen if I'm not 'real'.
I always use my picture (in one form or another)
...that way I REMAIN accountable to my opinions. I hate the concept of faceless cowards who try to belittle others with remarks that usually amount to nothing more than name calling.
That's what the internet has become... verbal terrorists with no personal responsibility for thier actions. Cowards that sneak around in the shadows waiting to stab you in the back and run.
I always attempt to call out for reason even from the faceless attacker... make them try to explain thier position, usually they don't, but at least I made the effort
First, I am not as nice in person as I am online. But I hide more to allow the compliments to shine through. I think people accept compliments easier if there is no other motive involved. But I do think some use it to speak more openly.
Second, thanks for leaving a comment on my site. I appreciate it.
Hi Barbara!
Must compliment you again on choosing such a good topic!
In the Arts, it is not unusual to choose another name to work by...many artists,writers, poets, dancers,and of course actors have done this for years. Within the art community this has long been acceptable practise.
Early Hollywood made an art form out of re-inventing personalities for actors, and, in some cases, covering up all trace of their past lives!
The film going public of the time generally understood this, and seemed to accept it...as long as the actor/actress in question made no public indiscretions.
As an artist, I have always used my own name,.... until recently.
The internet has allowed me to practise a different genre of art...one which I have always loved doing, but could not practise in my public life.
I am not using a different name because I am ashamed of my work...far from it..but I have a different type of art business built up over many years, which may be harmed if I combined both art forms under my own name.
What isn`t different is my personality. I am the same on and off-line.
If anything, the internet allows me to be more me...everyone has a side of themselves which they keep to themselves.
The internet frees things a little.
I love my work, and I have met so many lovely people on the internet as a blogger...people I would never had the chance to have conversations with.
I am so glad that I did this.
Strange thing is , my new name feels just as natural to me as my real name, and some of my close friends occasionaly call me by it!
Which I like, as Zeppellina is indeed me....!!
Some really great posting and thinking here.
I like what tamara says about if the person is not who he/she is in real live on line, then to be at peace with themselves, at least. Behind the veil of the internet, many, who are normally shy, have a vehicle to express themselves more freely. This is a situation where the internet can be used to develop self-confidence, and anyone can be at peace with that thinking. On the other hand, some people in real life have put restrictions on themselves, for a variety of reasons, and use the internet and the anonymonity to talk about subjects like sex, violence, or politics that they may feel unconfortable talking about face to face. If that person is true to h/herself, and not putting on a charade, I think this too can be healthy. On the other hand, if a person is being mean-spirited, nasty and offensive, this is not good no matter who is to surface as a result of the veil of the computer.
I like what zepellina said about establishing some persona, and then filling that person's shows, and now seeing herself in that role today. That is very cool.
Being a lover of the words, I am afraid that I talk with the same degree of formality that I write, which can put some people off, and can exilerate others in the process.
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Hmmm, I was just thinking more about this as I read through these great posts on the topic. If someone is one way online and another way in person, then aren't they still actually being who they are? Would it go too far to call that duplicitous and that it is just actually manifesting itself in this forum -- we just happen to see one half of the duplicity? And while that is more a character trait than a personality, is it still not somewhat revealing about the workings of that person's mind?
Of course, trying to pin a personality on someone based on bits & pieces of posts on disparate topics is a crap-shoot at best, but I think as we begin to see consistency in tone and approach and opinions, then there is at least an opportunity to make a few basic evaluations on the authenticity of a person and his/her opinions.
I think I've thought of more questions than I really answered (questions for my own consideration)...but I think that regardless of how much more "out there" or "reserved" or "combative" or **insert adjective here** we are on the internet, we are still revealing something quite fundamental about ourselves. What that is, I don't know. And if anyone else picks up on it, don't know that either. But I think the fact that we all jump on and want to communicate in some form or fashion expresses an innate desire to be connected and to be 'heard' at some level. Some posts come across "screaming and screeching" and some come across 'measured and reasoned' -- but the point is, there was something within that post-er that had to make its way to the page...therefore at least one little piece of the veneer had to be pulled back in order to expose themselves enough to get that thought on the page.
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Whit,
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An excellent point. But I'll tell you about an experience that I had so that you can see how confusing and frustrating it can become when people play games, and why I don't think many people do it.
I wrote this twice and deleted it both times, because I am still so nervous about revealing much about myself. I'm taking my chances, but have tried to keep this as vague as possible. I'm even frightened that someone may now try to scare me by knowing this story. So I'm posting anonymously.
I guess this sounds like the breathless post of a neurotic person, but I have nothing to win or lose if you believe me. I'm writing because I hope it may make a difference to the many people who are using their names in their posts, or the names of families and friends.
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In the early years of the internet, many of us got online to make friends/penpals and get a little more mental stimulation than we had at home or at work.
When I began to get some very frightening emails, I believed it to be from one person I had 'met' in a chatgroup (Call him 'A'). He began threatening another person I had met in there.
I grew concerned, and emailed the person who was threatened (call him 'B'). They began a spate of emails to each other, and to me, that had me fully convinced that I could be dealing with someone very dangerous (person 'A').
'B' and I began talking on the phone, and made a decision to involve the police. The law enforcement groups grew, and many PDs and the FBI got involved. Remember, this was in the early years. It would probably be easier to get to the bottom of now.
In the end, 'B' turned out to be 'A', and was locked up in a funny farm, I believe. I try not to think about it much.
But he had known my address and my name, and I often wondered...what would have happened if he'd decided to hunt me down to follow through with any of it? The older I get, the more I realize that these things can occur.
I only got involved in blogging again recently because it's been many years, and I truly enjoy the stimulation and the varying views.
I guess what I'm saying is, that it IS easy for one person to play different roles. But generally, unless someone is suffering from a mental disorder, I doubt most people are doing it. It's just too much trouble.
But the internet is a dangerous place to play, unless you are playing safe.
Wow, Anonymous...what a story. You are brave to venture back into the on-line world. Your story can certainly serve as a cautionary tale for all of us. Thanks for sharing it.
Yes, my audience includes personal acqaintences as well, and I have used by own first name.
But some of the stories are chilling, a couple having been deleted already. Being cautious is, as many point out, a good rule of thumb. For me, this pre-empts posting pictures, although because of my lack of skills in this area, this is not a problem.
Thanks, everyone, I'm the anonymous poster. I'm relieved you took it seriously. I'm really not a dork, believe me.
YIKES! I wasn't thinking about duplicity to THAT level. I was thinking more of the "closet showgirl" -vs- "librarian" variety...a little more mundane!
I am just glad you are safe. I think it always bears repeating that you can be yourself and be transparent in your opinions, but that doesn't necessitate giving away such personal details that might pose physical risk.
people say many things on line that they would not say to your face if for no other reason that it might cause them some kind of problem. That would explain why there is more anti-semitism on line than to your face. There are more social norms to what you should say to a person face to face.
Whit, thanks. I had nightmares all night about it. That's why I hate talking about it.
It was more complicated than I discussed, because I don't want to get into details, but A and B were real persons, it's just that A was stealing B's identity. Even back then.
So the moral is, you never know. And now I've honestly scared myself right out of here for a while.
I am so very sorry to make it sound so melodramatic. I would give you my word of honor that it's a completely true story, but you don't know me and you can't know if my word is good.
But if everyone had the nightmares that I had, they'd understand. I didn't realize this would creep me out again as badly as it did, so I'm removing myself from blogging for a short time to get some distractions elsewhere.
Sorry about darkening the room a bit, but it's for everyone's good. I picked up a lot of information about many of you, and I assure you that there is enough that you disclose that a psychotic hacker-type could dig deeper and find even more about you. Probably your identity.
The internet is a wonderful place, and it's also a terrible place. We can now do reverse address lookups, for instance, or put down a little money and do traces on people through cheap detective agencies. There is much more good than bad, but for now I can only think of the bad.
this is my follow-up msg. i really don't feel i answer these things correctly, but i try.
the "veil" of the internet does allow people to hide or basically play games with those who are not "playing" games.
one situation for me was that i met someone, thought i had a kind of "relationship" with them. would have liked to have met them in person. never did though. glad i didn't. i know they weren't what they said (nothing seemed to really fall into place). my thinking that there was something there wasn't could have caused me to lose friend i had. i guess i smartened up at one point and realized if things were "real" they would be real and not hidden behind the "veil".
luckily we learn from mistakes. big lesson learned here! you don't really know who's behind the writing and chatting, so always be aware and take it at face-value.
I'm an open book, internet, or otherwise.
Due to the need to list my site, there are already a couple of people out there who are aware of my real identity...this is something which I was not comfortable with at first, but now doesn`t worry me too much.
There will always be people out there, who will develop fixations, and may try to `reverse engineer` an identity.
Only ever hand out details if you have to, or are really sure that this person is not a closet axeman!
I am comfortable with my internet situation. I know there are some horror stories out there...and some of them are pretty scarey...but I keep those to the back of my mind.
Anonymous..sounds like you had a terrible time...it will take a while, but you will find it will get easier.
The internet can be a really bad place at times...but it can be a wonderful place too.
Take care...and enjoy blogging.
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