Profile In Courage: I am What I Am
It was not until later in life that I began to appreciate that one of the truly great conclusions reached about the state of human thought and mind was not made by Plato, Socrates, Descarte or even Aristotle, by Popeye the Sailorman when he said, "I am what I am." When we ask, who are we, what does it mean? What makes us tick, what do we do, what are our possessions? Ultimately, we all are who we are.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself, as some comments have been surfacing over the past few days that I believe require some expression of thought here. All of you know that I love deep thought, and ask lots of questions. Less often than not, small talk is displeasing to me. I am a wife, a mother, a dog owner, loyal friend, proud Jew, passionate supporter of many causes, among them those who suffer from mental illness and gay rights. I do not like people who are not treated fairly, dishonesty, cowardliness nor mean people. I speak more than one language fluently, and am not a great speller.I dislike George Bush. I am well educated, holding two B.A.s, a master's degree and a law degree. Point of fact, I am a voracious reader, love to travel,listen to classical music, visit art museums, stare at architecture with a provocative eye, and do, on occasion, watch pornography. I love the human body, and many describe me, and I describe myself as a sensualist, someone who loves the senses to their fullest. I do not smoke nor drink and am proud that I have given up both of these vices, and consider them as among my great accomplishments. I am an honest person, and as far as my blog is concerned, invite everyone to come and post and participate in comments. I do not feel invalidated because you disagree with me, on the contrary, I enjoy it. I do experience hurt, pain, and have suffered in my life. I am a secure woman, and consider peace of mind to be a great virtue. Living live today with a quiet mind and peaceful heart are virtues that I cherish. In fact, I still allow anonymous comments, as some people say that they enjoy posting, but are shy, and I respect that quality in people.
What you see explained about is who I am. Just like Popeye.
If deep thought and discussion, sometimes resulting in controversy, are not what you enjoy, and you are not instrested in the above-subjects, perhaps my blog is not for you. I try to be fair and encourage everyone to post and comment. Please be fair to me as well.
Thank you for your minds.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself, as some comments have been surfacing over the past few days that I believe require some expression of thought here. All of you know that I love deep thought, and ask lots of questions. Less often than not, small talk is displeasing to me. I am a wife, a mother, a dog owner, loyal friend, proud Jew, passionate supporter of many causes, among them those who suffer from mental illness and gay rights. I do not like people who are not treated fairly, dishonesty, cowardliness nor mean people. I speak more than one language fluently, and am not a great speller.I dislike George Bush. I am well educated, holding two B.A.s, a master's degree and a law degree. Point of fact, I am a voracious reader, love to travel,listen to classical music, visit art museums, stare at architecture with a provocative eye, and do, on occasion, watch pornography. I love the human body, and many describe me, and I describe myself as a sensualist, someone who loves the senses to their fullest. I do not smoke nor drink and am proud that I have given up both of these vices, and consider them as among my great accomplishments. I am an honest person, and as far as my blog is concerned, invite everyone to come and post and participate in comments. I do not feel invalidated because you disagree with me, on the contrary, I enjoy it. I do experience hurt, pain, and have suffered in my life. I am a secure woman, and consider peace of mind to be a great virtue. Living live today with a quiet mind and peaceful heart are virtues that I cherish. In fact, I still allow anonymous comments, as some people say that they enjoy posting, but are shy, and I respect that quality in people.
What you see explained about is who I am. Just like Popeye.
If deep thought and discussion, sometimes resulting in controversy, are not what you enjoy, and you are not instrested in the above-subjects, perhaps my blog is not for you. I try to be fair and encourage everyone to post and comment. Please be fair to me as well.
Thank you for your minds.
25 Comments:
Tell us the degrees you hold, and, did you grow up in California?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
NJ,
Yes, I do consider my dislike of George Bush as defining who I am. I did not say I hate him, as I hate no one, and I love this country, but am very displeased with the direction in which it is going. Point of fact, I think you asked me to list my 10 turn ons and offs, and Bush was one of my turn-offs.
I am consistent, as you can see.
Normal Jew,
My politics--the lens in which I view the world--is the skeletal frame for my persynality. I can't imagine describing myself without the word "political" in there somewhere.
$hrub has motivate me *more* than I was in the past. His actions that direct the rest of the world make me realize that I have the power to enact change. And that's a large part of my identity: working for the greater good, working for equality.
$hrub and the Radical Right are the reason I'm applying to law school.
Oh, and I have to say, I love the new picture you have up in your profile. It's very beautiful sunrise in the back. Is that your sillouette?
Barbara, like yourself, I can't spell for shit.
Great post Barbara! I have to agree with the dislike of George Bush as part of the definition of who I am. I respect the office of President of this country, but cannot respect a man who runs riot through the world and cares not about the working class American, not to mention his hatred of gays. The consciousness of fear he as helped to foster affects me greatly.
Until NJ brought it up, and we began discussiing it, I think my dislike for Bush stems from the fact that what he considers to be important, and the direction where he would like this country to head, in terms of his own values and those of his party, conflict with who I am and what is important to me. Not only does he dislike gays, but he has made many cuts in mental health care as well. Add this to the war in Iraq, prayer in school, Haliburton, on and on, and well, what can I say!
You cannot shirk your responsibilities by saying you're "not a great speller."
There is something called spell check. Use it. Just as you wouldn't go out in public without making sure your appearance was neat and clean, so too should you show the same respect to yourself and your reading audience by cleaning up grammar and spelling.
No excuses.
Barbara, you are a remarkable woman! I've so enjoyed your discussions on this blog. Thanks for more info about you!
As for the people who've made comments about this before me, I find it amusing that they sort of twist your words around. You never said that disliking Bush was a "part" of you. You just said you disliked Bush. So what? Trust me, if you had said "God bless our commander in chief" as Normaljew did in his comment, you would not have been called out on the fact that you chose to include your thoughts about our president in your statement. I don't think Normaljew's problem is with the fact that you included info on the president -- his problem is that he disagrees with you. And I guarantee if you had said something negative about the Palestinians he would have praised you. I find it strange how he can say such things and then end his comments with a flippant "Peace!"
Sorry, I went off on a tangent. I enjoyed your post.
Meegen,
You have given me probably the laugh of the week...In fact, I am sitting here in histerics, thinking of "God bless our Commander in Chief..." A classic statement if I ever heard one.
Actually, I have come to the conclusion that my dislike of Bush does define who I am. Thanks to the statements of Scott W., I can see that almost everything Bush stands for and the values he postulates run against my grain, and the fiber of my being.
Thank you for the great laugh of the day, my dear!
Actually, unforgiving editor, you make an excellent point. I try to use spell check, but am not always successful.
I agree with you, however, that one does have a responsibility to the appearances, at least insofar as your comments extend to correct spelling and grammer.
Barb....I love your blog....it's great...It really makes you stop and think....This was a great post...thanks for sharing yourself with us....I read the post about the woman who deleted your comment and you from their blogroll...Yes it is hurtful....and us being human...always wants to know why??....But the bottom line is....It's their blog and they can do whatever they want...the same as you can on yours!!
Have a great day!!
Thank you, lori for your kind words, which are most appreciated.
I forgot to add, how could I, that I love classical music as well.
Ordinarily I would agree with Unforgiving Editor, except in this particular case. Spellcheck gives you "I am what I am," which is a misquote of Popeye's true words, which were, in fact:
I YAM what I YAM, and that's all that I YAM.
Jokes aside, please don't forget that you are not hosting a public forum. You are not a moderator. You have no obligation to answer to your posters (they are not, after all, stockholders), to defend your positions, or even to explain them in more detail to people who don't fully understand them. You are also under no obligation to use spellcheck.
In my humble opinion, you've been SO responsive and validating that you've unwittingly created the expectation among some of your "regulars" that your job here is moderator rather than Queen Bee Blogger. WTF? I know I posted about validation on my own blog, but I was referring to family and friends--people who are *supposed* to validate you (and you them)--not strangers or acquaintances. You are not obliged to validate the views of strangers or acquaintances, especially if they've displayed clear signs of assholism. (And no, being pro-Bush doesn't make someone an asshole, but posting rude anonymous comments does.)
A blog is a weblog is a journal, for crying out loud. Yes, it's a journal that you open up for others' perusal, but it's still a personal journal. If someone read MY journal and commented that I wasn't giving equal time to both sides of an issue, I'd say, "What the hell do you think this is, CNN??" When you start getting PAID for your blog, then people can demand Fair and Unbiased editorials. In the meantime, you're just one private citizen and you have opinions based on your own life experiences and this is the space in which you express those opinions. End of story.
go winterwheat! good comment -- very true.
and yes, i would consider disliking george w. bush as part of me -- along with millions of other little things -- it's all part of who i am.
The comments I have received today, those kept as well as deleted, have actually made me sit down and take an honest look at myself and what that means in relationship to this blog. Usually, when I am uncomfortable, there is something within me that needs to be fixed.
This is some of what I have learned today. It is alright for me to set boundaries on this blog. Since it belongs to me, and as WW says, I am not moderating what everyone is saying, I have the freedom to express myself as I desire.
For some people, and maybe a bit for me lately as well, what people have to say in some ways has become an investement in defining who I am and what is important to me. Some people put lots of time and energy into on-line 'relationships' as a means to validate their point(s) of view and define themselves. Maybe I have done this a bit, as I have learned today, which is why I am taking a step back. This blog is not a substitute for real life relationships for me, nor do the opinions that others form about me, whether positive or negative validate nor enforce who I am as a person.
WW, your comments about the expectations of others has focused me today, but I take responsibility, to a large extent, for creating that type of space on my blog.
Today, as you can see below, I have deleted comments, and set limits, for my own comfort and peace, which is supposed to be the purpose of this blog. Have I become so invested in what other people think about me? Hence, the people pleasing comment, which actually helped me set and define my boundaries as well today.
Enough said on this subject. I like who I am, in some ways have forgotten who that person is by trying to become a moderator for everyone else.
Ok, now I feel free again. But it was only after seeing my own role in this drama. Scott W, I know you understand this process, and your comments about Bush this morning were very helpful in my walking down this road today as well.
Nice post! I enjoyed your self-description. We love you! :-*
I like your pride in Judaism.
Actually, NJ, the more thought I have put into the issue of whether my dislike of Bush is part of who I am, the more convinced that it is not just a sentence, but a large part of me, and does define me to a large extent. I was around during the Nixon era, and Carter, Regan as well, and although I did not particularly like anyof these Presidents, if you asked me to describe who I am, I would not have listed them in that description. Bush's politics and policies about life, its meaning and what he has done to this country by putting us billions of dollars into debt as a result of a senseless war, have, for lack of better words, put me in a chronic state of infuriation!
I had to go back and reread your blog because things had gotten off track. We are all who we are, good or bad. None of us are perfect and God will judge our hearts when the time comes. I enjoy reading your blog because I get to see both sides of the barrell. Since I have been blogging, "my eyes have been opened" to all kinds of people. I have learned so much. I enjoy reading your blog or I wouldn't come back. We disagree on a few things, but that is alright. If I only had friends who did exactly the same things that I did, it would be pretty boring. Thanks for your openness. Uppps, that's mispelled. Ha Ha.
I thoroughly enjoy your blog and your thoughts. Please don't compromise your thoughts or emotions because of your audience.
Dislike of W is something I feel at a cellular level! :)
i like what i read and see but you probebly know that already.
be true to yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for. (political beliefs included - they're you feelings and you're entitled to them0
unforgiving - most of us are not as perfect as you, so we'll accept misspellings. please leave the red pen at home. others may have other issues re:spelling, so don't be so judgemental. this is a blog not a company memo.
Barbara, I look forward to reading your blog every day. You are an interesting person with a fascinating mind. I want to thank you for invigorating my mind and making me think beyond what to fix for supper.
As you say, this is your blog. You provide for comments and as such invite readers to participate in your blog. We readers are guests of yours though. That being the case, we need to be polite in our comments.
I hope you will always find time in your busy life for this blog. I would surely miss you if you went away.
Your consistancy is Great!! Stand tall, and keep asking us this hard questions,, I think this is what may bother some of your comment posters is that they have never taken time to admit their Shadow to themselves. Bush is a prime example, one more reason to dislike him. To point out 'hate' in another person, demands alot of backup, personally I can not see that from what I have read here at your blog. I think that Normal Jew owes you an apology,, IMHO.
Obviously he would not know what it means to hold a mirror up to one's self, look DEEP and honestly admit how opposites can define us... I am not this, nor that,,, as Popeye said,, I am what I am.
Before going to sleep, I wanted to read over the comments of the day.
I am truly humbled, and speechless, to see the many intelligent, thoughtful and sensitive comments that bring us all together in this post. No apologizes are needed...We all have a right to our opinions, and in giving mine, and hearing yours, it gives me pause to be greatful for the great and diverse world in which we live.
SusieQ, welcome here, and I thank you for your words. It is my firm view that whenever a mind is open and touched, a great gift comes to pass.
What beautiful messages to end a day...Blessings to all.
I always loved that popeye quote. We are all what we are. I'm proud who I am, for the most part, but I curious that you mentioned nothing about chracterstics you possess that maybe you wish weren't there. I have few, despite loving who I am 95(and growing!) percent of the time!
I am secure, but I can be jealous. I'm smart, but I can also be a smarty-pants. I refuse to look down on people, but sometimes I give the wrong people an extra helping of credit... just for being down-trodden.
It seems that many of my so-called "good" qualities, can lead me to error. And many of my not-so-good qualities have a golden aspect that only a few people can see. Those who can't understnad are missing a huge helping of Rachael.
Moral... it's all good!
PS I'm so glad to see Scott here! He has a very insightful approach to comments!
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