Justifying "Bad Behavior"

Have you even noticed that there are times when a person is behaving poorly, yet makes an effort to justify his/her behavior by comparing it to that of someone else? Ultmately, the conclusion reached is that the person who is behaving poorly deems that his/her behavior is not so when compared to that of another person. In other words, certain behaviors are immune from being defined as 'bad' by comparision to someone else's method of conduct.

Here is what I mean. Each and every one of us, no matter how pious, forthright, or devoted we are to ourselves or others at some time in our lives behave badly. Such behavior can take many forms from something small, like failing to say thank you, to speaking abusively to our spouse or child, or to infidelity, an ultimate betrayal to one's spouse and oneself. Nevertheless, it can, and often is said that one's behavior is not so bad as another's behavior since it is being compared to someone or something else.

For example, Judaism is a rich, complex, beautiful religion with many commandments and prohibitions. Those who follow the strictest rules, which is quite difficult, at times see themselves participating in poor behavior. Here is an example, which is in no way meant to be offensive nor steoro-type Orthodox Jews. This is just something that I experiences when I was a new attorney and remember it very specifically.

I was selected to represent a young female child who was from an Orthodox Jewish home. She had symptoms of gonoreah present. The family showed up to court, with all their Rabbis, and support networks, the mother very frightened, the child even more so. Since I was Jewish, the Judge felt it would be best for me to represent the child in this case, which turned out to be emotionally one of the most difficult ones of my legal careers. As investigation was underway, it turned out that the father, who was a pious man, had been sleeping with prostitutes. He had not molested his child, and there was no medical evidence of such acts, but she had slept in the same bed in close proximity with him and the mother. I was horrified and came home crying when I had to deal with this case, which made me loose sleep, and question the most religious among my own people. Here was a man who was so interested in the intricacies of the Talmud that he forgot the top ten, specifically the one about adultery. His child was removed from his and the mother's care, and the man had to go to jail. Eventually, the family reunited, but meanwhile, at a very high price. All along, the father, his Rabbis and relatives were talking about what a pious man this father was.

Today, I have been thinking about this story as I was involved in a discussion with someone who was making an attempt to justify his own poor behavior by concluding and claiming that I was not a good Jew. (since I am not orthodox.) How often do we see others judging and/or condmening someone else because they behave differently, or believe in a way that is not in tune to one's own thinking? There are acts which in and of themselves, depending upon the circumstances constitute 'bad behavior.'

Bad behavior cannot, in my humble opinion, be made better nor tested by someone else's perception of reality by comparing one act to another. Ultimately, bad behavior is just that, and an attempt to justify it for one's own purposes does not make the conduct become automatically good.

Thank you for your minds.