What if Anything Has Been Learned?
From the perspective of an outsider looking in, and even from the cloudy lenses of my own eyes, from an insider looking within and out, by all reliable estimations, this has been a wildly unproductive and stressful week. Working from one's home does have advantages, as I can structure and organize the work time as I desire, but that does not mean that the work cannot get done.
As can be seen from many of my posts this week, I have been consumed with worry and fear. Fear about my son (I still have not heard from him), about my daughter, about the state of politics and alliances in America today,statements made or not made by politicans, others on their blogs, about Judaism, Israel, etc. etc. Consequently, I have spent a great deal of time with myself, preoccupied with my own thoughts, beliefs and words. A potentially dangerous and complicated place to be. Moreover, I have not slept much, waking up at 3:30 or 4am, and if the truth be told, I have spent more than enough, in fact way too much time this week on the computer, in unproductive ways. Since my daughter is on break from school this week, she has decided to turn her hours around, and 'chill' as she would say, staying up all night and sleeping all day, something she does not have an opportunity to do. So when I call her at 4am, I hear a bright, cheerful, expressive voice tell me, 'who else can you call at this hour to talk to you?'
Being a great optimist, and someone who must live and learn from each of her experiences, I ask myself, today, Friday, as I get ready for Shabbath, what lessons have been learned from this week, and what, if anything can be done to make today, and each day that follows better? We can learn from each and every lesson, and it can be a great opportunity from which to grow and cultivate gardens that blossom. For one, I have learned that even if I spend the entire week, and each minute of the day thinking and worrying about something, it is not going to change what is, and life is going to play itself out as it is supposed to be, not as I want it to happen. What I mean from this is that I can indulge and weigh myself down with the anchor of fear, worry and preoccupation, and the results are not going to change what is enven a bit. All is going to be as it is, in spite of me. What a revelation! As I have noted in many of my posts, having a quiet mind and a peaceful heart are what I strive for each day, for when I am in this state, I am closer to
God, to myself and to the rhythms, sounds and voices of the world.
It is still early in the morning here. I can see the full moon illuminated through the cracks of the blinds, staying bright, and defining its presence in the sky and in the world, in harmony with what is taking place around it. Bright light is ever so powerful. Illumination makes a powerful statement if and only if we pay attention.
Thank you for your minds.
As can be seen from many of my posts this week, I have been consumed with worry and fear. Fear about my son (I still have not heard from him), about my daughter, about the state of politics and alliances in America today,statements made or not made by politicans, others on their blogs, about Judaism, Israel, etc. etc. Consequently, I have spent a great deal of time with myself, preoccupied with my own thoughts, beliefs and words. A potentially dangerous and complicated place to be. Moreover, I have not slept much, waking up at 3:30 or 4am, and if the truth be told, I have spent more than enough, in fact way too much time this week on the computer, in unproductive ways. Since my daughter is on break from school this week, she has decided to turn her hours around, and 'chill' as she would say, staying up all night and sleeping all day, something she does not have an opportunity to do. So when I call her at 4am, I hear a bright, cheerful, expressive voice tell me, 'who else can you call at this hour to talk to you?'
Being a great optimist, and someone who must live and learn from each of her experiences, I ask myself, today, Friday, as I get ready for Shabbath, what lessons have been learned from this week, and what, if anything can be done to make today, and each day that follows better? We can learn from each and every lesson, and it can be a great opportunity from which to grow and cultivate gardens that blossom. For one, I have learned that even if I spend the entire week, and each minute of the day thinking and worrying about something, it is not going to change what is, and life is going to play itself out as it is supposed to be, not as I want it to happen. What I mean from this is that I can indulge and weigh myself down with the anchor of fear, worry and preoccupation, and the results are not going to change what is enven a bit. All is going to be as it is, in spite of me. What a revelation! As I have noted in many of my posts, having a quiet mind and a peaceful heart are what I strive for each day, for when I am in this state, I am closer to
God, to myself and to the rhythms, sounds and voices of the world.
It is still early in the morning here. I can see the full moon illuminated through the cracks of the blinds, staying bright, and defining its presence in the sky and in the world, in harmony with what is taking place around it. Bright light is ever so powerful. Illumination makes a powerful statement if and only if we pay attention.
Thank you for your minds.
11 Comments:
Am concerned about the part where you say you are energized upon awaking at 4:30 AM. Could have some medical basis.
Nicely stated, Barbara. I hope you have a relaxing weekend!
And when you look at that moon you wonder if your son looks at the same moon and is wondering if you are looking at the moon and wondering if he... That is worry and we just can't help it. I can empathize with your anxiety.
Sending love and hugs your way Barbara. I hope you can let go of the worry and find some peace.
Barbara,
Do you always get up so early? Or is it due to your anxiety?
Thank you for your kind words.
Actually, I usually get up at 5:30 -6:00 am and start working at 7am. This 3:30-4am wake up time is because I am unable to sleep due to the stress.
I am feeling a bit better today after doing some research on where he is at the area is off the beaten path, which would explain the lack of communication.
One day at a time.
Have you considered staying in bed until your normal rise time to do some guided meditation? This will allow your body to rest some more and help calm your mind.
The less sleep/rest you get the more anxious you'll be.
My son just sent me an email...He is fine, thankfully, and said for me not to worry so much.
I think I will think about writing that mystery novel.
yay yay yay! so glad you heard from your son...he is a lucky boy to have you as his mom (and now doubt you feel the opposite also applies!)
feeling relieved for you!!
ooops, of course that shoulda read: NO doubt you feel the opposite also applies
Barbara,
I am so glad to know that you heard from your son.
I had a friend who died recently (as I think you know?) She wasn't perfect, but she was a daughter and very beloved. It killed me to see what it did to her parents, partly because I am a parent, too.
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