Can we Write to Save Ourselves?
It has been more than two months since a post has graced the blog of Women on the Verge of Thinking. The primary reason that I have not posted is because there is not enough time during the day, with a job that begins at 8 and ends at 5pm, and all that time is predominately spent in court. But if the truth be told, I really miss writing. It feels as if a part of my own self has been lost away, stored on some shelf left to collect mold in a remote corner of a hidden place.
There has also been much pain and sadness here, on a personal level. Without going into many details, and display my life like an open book, I think it is best to retreat from the subject matter and just say that there is an issue of illness, loss and grief that has been consuming our family. It has been a real test here, since being completely powerless and unable to make something happen over which I have no control has surfaced. This has been a great test, in my opinion, and I have had to really learn to let go, and abandon myself to G-d and trust in Him, that all is in His hands. It seems to me, at least, where I get stuck, and where all the uncertainty begins to surface is when worry sets in. Why do we worry, and why do we have fear? It seems it is because we do not completely TRUST in G-d, but believe more in our heads and what we think, fear or worry about. I am learning that no matter how much I worry or fear or stress about anything, the result will be the same, with the exception of the fact that we can be miserable on top of everything because we chose to hold on for dear life, and not let go.
When the pain becomes so strong, and difficult, all one can do is let go in order to get to the other side. Each and every day, I am trying to do this, one step at a time. I am thankful, grateful in fact for a group of loving friends, and family members who are truly there for us unconditionally during this extremely difficult time in our lives.
It feels better to have written tonight. I have always felt that writing is a form of transformation, where we can, through our own words, branch out, and if all dreams are possible, in the best of all possible worlds, make our way to that other side safely.
Thank you for your minds.
There has also been much pain and sadness here, on a personal level. Without going into many details, and display my life like an open book, I think it is best to retreat from the subject matter and just say that there is an issue of illness, loss and grief that has been consuming our family. It has been a real test here, since being completely powerless and unable to make something happen over which I have no control has surfaced. This has been a great test, in my opinion, and I have had to really learn to let go, and abandon myself to G-d and trust in Him, that all is in His hands. It seems to me, at least, where I get stuck, and where all the uncertainty begins to surface is when worry sets in. Why do we worry, and why do we have fear? It seems it is because we do not completely TRUST in G-d, but believe more in our heads and what we think, fear or worry about. I am learning that no matter how much I worry or fear or stress about anything, the result will be the same, with the exception of the fact that we can be miserable on top of everything because we chose to hold on for dear life, and not let go.
When the pain becomes so strong, and difficult, all one can do is let go in order to get to the other side. Each and every day, I am trying to do this, one step at a time. I am thankful, grateful in fact for a group of loving friends, and family members who are truly there for us unconditionally during this extremely difficult time in our lives.
It feels better to have written tonight. I have always felt that writing is a form of transformation, where we can, through our own words, branch out, and if all dreams are possible, in the best of all possible worlds, make our way to that other side safely.
Thank you for your minds.
